changing my name to get away from abusive ex- can it be traced?

[pod3030]

Very abusive ex, been tracking me on my iphone i think, a narcissist in the extreme, i am in an awful place atm as he's told all our mutual friends i'm crazy and evil and I feel so alone. I want to move, change my name and start afresh as i feel such a weight over me. I wonder can my name change be traced via my ny number or tax credits? Would they keep a record of the change?

[Longdistance]

Do you mean he's stalking you?

[pod3030]

as well as being very controlling, whilst in the relationship doing all the usual narcissistic stuff, gaslighting, making me feel stupid, isolating me, telling me family didnt love me, burning the things i had passion for or throwing away my belongings. All had to be centred around him and his light had to shine the brightest. Anyway, after much research i realised the only way was to go no contact. Now i need to essentially disappear. Can i be traced? If i change my name, is there a record kept.?

[borisgudanov]

Go to the police.

They can help keeping the bastard away from you and also nick him if he tries to get round it.

[pod3030]

No, they can't. I reported the harrassment, but no witnesses. I just need the peace of never having to deal with him. He is in a new relationship etc, but still making sure i suffer. I just want out of it all. Games mainly now.

[newyear15]

I changed my name - and removed myself from 192 online and made everything online about me very private.

You can't google and find a deed poll name change.

www.theukdeedpolloffice.co.uk/frequently-asked-questions.html#q26

The below is from that link

Is there a central deed poll register?


No, different providers/solicitors maintain their own private records. We offer permanent digital archival for £2. However, you can choose to have your Deed Poll stored at the National Archives. This process costs around £100 and includes a notice of your name change in the London Gazette. This process is entirely voluntary and very few people choose this option due to the extra costs involved, but if you would like to do so then please contact us and we will help you make the necessary arrangements.

[bettyboop1970]

How do you remove from 192 online?

[newyear15]

Just fill in a quick form Betty - they respond v quickly. Is great.

www.192.com/help/tools-guides/about-your-details/

[MindReader]

newyear - that's interesting, thanks.

[pod3030]

Thanks newyear that's so helpful. Yes, I do have a child with him, that he hasn't been involved with or interested in. Child is 3.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm uncomfortable in principle with the idea that you are the one being subjected to stalking, abuse etc., and the solution you're considering is to give up everything that makes you who you are. I don't have a better solution just off the cuff.... although I think the police need to be much more involved.... but if he drives you out of your home and even your own name, what next? Presumably you'd have to give up work, drop your friends etc., or there would remain some links and you could be traced.

[pod3030]

I've already moved once, had to give up all friends, I'm in limbo at the moment. At least if i started afresh it would give me a chance. I could start working towards my future, i could build up a new friends network, .

[pod3030]

Absolutely will give up work, absolutely ready to drop this life. I see no other way apart from the most awful, like many victims of abusive relationships who found they could just not go on. I want to go on.

[getthefeckouttahere]

Yes you can be traced if you change it by deed poll. All deed polls are published in The Gazette, an arcane publication of official 'stuff' this is then used by various govt and private organisations to update their records. It is a public document. But most lay people would not know how to go about doing this. But for example it would be one of the first things a private detective would check.

However you can change your name just by writing to all the people you have contact with and saying that you now wish to be known as. Some may only change your details with a deed poll. (banks usually) but your ex should not be able to get your details from these changed or otherwise.

[Christmasbargainshopper]

I was under the impression you could use any name you wish, as long as it isn't for fraudulent purposes. Is there a variation of your first name or a second name you could use?

If you moved across the country and cut contact with everyone, how would he trace you?

I know someone who disappeared and was only found when their child created a Facebook account 7 years later.

[pod3030]

wow christmas , 7 years would be great. I just have had enough. I'm so sad all the time, i feel injured in my soul, and he will never stop, so i need to be proactive. I need hope.

[newyear15]

Getthefeck - you are wrong. All deed polls are not automatically published in the Gazette.

deedpolloffice.com/changing-your-name/registering-your-deed-poll

[getthefeckouttahere]

Hmmnn not really New year.

www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-an-adult-deed-poll

The link you have used is to a private company. They charge you for the pleasure of writing on a bit of paper - i now wish to be known as.....

As i said, most of the important organisations (banks, passports, etc) require an enrolled deed poll which will appear in The Gazette.

In essence you have two options

Call yourself by a different name - write to those whom it concerns some will accept it some won't.

Go the whole hog and change by deed poll which you enrol.

The middle ground suggested by new year offers little if any advantage and will cost you for the privilege.

[DistressedAndAlarmed]

getthefeck I used the private company linked by newyear and have not enrolled anything yet have obtained a new passport, driving licence and bank cards in my new name with no issues.

[getthefeckouttahere]

i bow to your experience distressed.

[Christmasbargainshopper]

Have you contacted woman's aid for advice?

[pod3030]

Hi just checked in, thanks for your replies. Yes, women's aid, done the whole freedom programme etc. Just need a fresh start.

[DistressedAndAlarmed]

i bow to your experience distressed.

I was surprised myself at how easy it was.

[bettyboop1970]

Thanks new year.

[HoVis2001]

As others have said it seems awful that the only solution is for you to make all these changes to your life - but if you do change your name by deed poll, not only does it not have to be 'enrolled' or put on public record, it also isn't something you should even have to pay for. I have used the site linked below to change my name and all banks etc have accepted it. If you change your first name make sure you tick the box as there's an extra bit of legalese than just changing your surname.

Obviously your bank, HMRC, etc would know about the name change but I would have thought that info would be private?

freedeedpoll.org.uk/

I'm so sorry you're in this situation - it's awful that the police can't seem to do anything to stop him.