Alone and pregnant

[Natalie12341]

Am 25 weeks pregnant and I split with my boyfriend 12 days ago. And am a complete mess. Am struggling to eat some days I feel ok then bang am a complete mess. He says he will support me. But everytime I message him he never replys which makes me feel even worse.. I had hospital appointments last week he didn't show. We planned a lovely Christmas together so Christmas was quite hard for me.. I have an 8 year old son from a previous r/ship he hasn't really picked up on anything. But am just really struggling. He never texts or rings to ask how I am how can someone that loved me just totally blank me. Never have I felt pain like it. It's affecting my blood pressure and I feel like am always wanting to no what he's doing ect I feel like I will crack up if I carry on.,. It's making me depressed and I just don't no what to do please help

[MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat]

Poor you. This sounds awful. Do you have any RL support?

For now, though, think hour to hour. You need little and often with nourishment. Toast is fine, add a banana and some juice or soup and you've had a great little meal. Or can you just have whatever your dc is having? I would advise you to not contact your ex any more. It's only making things worse for you.

It's very hard, but it's better he goes now rather than when you have a tiny baby. Get as much RL support as you can. Confide in your midwife and HV, too. They may be able to offer some practical support.

You can do this. Better alone and strong than being messed around by a man child who can't step up to the mark. (())

[Natalie12341]

I've texted him asking if we can meet up and talk next week but I've still had no reply. Thank you for the advice just talking about it makes me feel a little better thankyou xx

[Vivacia]

What real life support do you have? You need to lean on people.

In terms of your ex, I think you need to plan for him being absolutely no use and having no involvement. Stop contacting him, you'll only feel worse waiting for the reply.

[RaisingMen]

Sweetheart you need to stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself and your child. You are relying on him, when it is clear he is going to keep letting you down.

You can't force someone to want to be with you, or to want to come to appointments. He has ended things and he is ignoring your contact - that's all you need to know.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but it WILL get easier. Please don't contact him, he is not the key to your happiness and all of this is making you ill.

Do you have RL support? Take it one hour at a time but start making plans for your future with your children, they need you to be strong x

[Natalie12341]

Thankyou ladies for all the advice well he's still not replyied :/ new he wouldn't am going to try my very best not to contact him. And take each day at a time. The baby might have growth problems so am back in couple of weeks for a scan. Wish things could be different. But there not and I need to be strong for my child and unborn child talking about it as really made me feel abit better so thank you's for listening to me xx

[Vivacia]

I saw a book recommended on another thread, this evening I think, called something like "Do Not Call That Man".

[AcrossthePond55]

I agree with others. Please stop trying to contact him. It will only make it worse when he doesn't respond.

Is there anyone you can talk to or call? Family or friends? I know sometimes it's hard to confide in someone when a relationship has ended, but it's important that you reach out.

Let your mw or doctor know. They need to know what support you have or don't have to be able to plan for your care now and when the baby comes.

I'm so sorry things didn't work out the way you wanted them to. But you are stronger than you know. Try to focus on your son and the coming baby. Just take little steps to get through each day. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

[kittensinmydinner]

Hi Op. I'm so sorry you are having such a rotten time, heartbreak is so sad especially this time of year. Well done for keeping your sadness from your DS - that must be so hard. Meanwhile as pp said try and focus on self DS and baby. He is of no consequence. Did you plan this baby with him.? Was it a joint decision ? I ask this because I see so many women in the same boat as you in my rl work. They have a dp, he is not showing much commitment so the girlfriend thinks having a baby will cement the relationship, only the opposite happens as he is usually too immature to cope. Sadly there are a lot of men out there who simply aren't ready to be fathers. Don't expect anything further from him. Fill the CSM forms in as soon a lo born and go from there.

[heyday]

The more you chase him the more he will retreat. If he genuinely wants out then it would be unfair of him to keep contacting you as it would give you false hope of reconciliation.
Please try and think of your little unborn child and start to try to look after yourself. i understand its difficult to eat during times of emotional stress but as previous poster has said, just try small, simple meals or snacks, ie fruit, yogurt, cereal, wholemeal toast with soup or beans.
Don't expect him to attend appts with you, you must start to get strong for the sake of your children who depend solely on you.
You CAN and WILL get through this, with or without him.
Perhaps phone Gingerbread next week which is the charity for single parents to see what emotional and financial advice they can offer you.

[SoleSource]

www.amazon.com/Dont-Call-That-Man-Survival/dp/B0014JOL7Y?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[Londonfirsttime2014]

Hi OP, I know exactly what you are feeling as I was in the same boat earlier this year. Dumped by surprised whilst pregnant with a planned baby after miscarriages. I understand the acute agony and pain of being shut out by someone you trusted and the confusion about the future. All I can say is please focus on yourself and the baby, it's true what people are saying the baby will get you through this terrible time and that scumbag of a DP will come crawling back. I'm currently holding my baby while writing this, preparing for a divorce and have never felt stronger. This has happened for a reason and your DP has shown his true colours to you. Focus on getting through your pregnancy, don't call him and seek help from those around you. It will get easier I promise. PM me if you want to chat more

[Natalie12341]

The baby was planned and I misscarried earlier this year just before we found out I was pregnant he done the same to me. But the only difference is he new incould go out with friends go to town ect. Well I said earlier that I texted him asking him to meet me next week to talk he's opened the message and has not replyied to me. I have friends and family just this is just a bad time of year I don't want To hassle anybody because am ment to be a strong person. 1 minute I can be fine and the next an emotional mess. But I am going to try my very best to not message him again after he hasn't bothered to get back to me. I never in my life imaged my self a single parent with 2 children. As I have always said I wanted to be settled before I had an other child and I really fought I was! Thanks for the advice ladies. And I think I will try that gingerbread x

[Natalie12341]

I've just bought that book off amazon

[Mummybashy3111]

He sounds like a complete arsehole. The best thing you can do is stay well away. If he can't stand up to the mark now how on earth will he when the baby comes. Better off without him tbh. Just remember that he's left you in the situation. If he really cared he would get in contact.. Sounds very immature. Try to focus on your son and keep busy. Like others have said take every day as it comes and you will soon be stronger than you ever imagined. Trust me I've been there!

[Natalie12341]

I've just looked at the message I sent him hours ago he opened it around 8ish :/ but yet ie been told he's been on Facebook putting pictures of him and lasses!!! You no what I would get other it but how can you go from loving someone so much that would do anything for them to saying he don't love me!? What's what hurts me so much x

[Natalie12341]

Am crying again am so sick of being upset I need a good slap

[AcrossthePond55]

No, you don't need a slap, you need a big un-mnetty ((hug)). Please don't try to be brave because of the 'time of the year'. Please call a friend or family member. If the positions were reversed, wouldn't you want to be there for them? I understand what you mean about being 'strong' but needing a shoulder to lean on isn't being weak. It's being human.

Please tell whoever is telling you about his Facebook to stop. You don't need to know what he's doing.

And really, I've often been amazed at the apparent ability some men have to turn off their feelings, but they do seem to be able to go from 'I love you!' to 'who are you?' in 60 seconds. DH has tried to explain it to me and I guess it's just sort of a 'fake it 'til you make it' kind of thing.

[Natalie12341]

For for being so understanding everyone that's commented on this post I had a hug of my son and k feel a lot better. Putting all my time into him so I don't think about stuff. Would hate for him to see me so upset. He has showed his true colours that he couldn't give a flying fk! And am better than this

[MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat]

Get yourself to bed and keep warm. Sleep well and first thing in the morning call someone you love, friend or family and tell them. I would be so horrified if someone, I love didn't call me just because it was Christmas time.

Please keep strong and stop calling or texting him. Block him on fb and ignore any other social media you can follow him on. Just don't. You are better than him and will be ok. Just call someone tomorrow, ok?

[Natalie12341]

Thankyou phoned my friend had a chit chat and I've promised that last night was the last time I messaged him. Today will be a struggle but am going to do it I have to. X

[dunfightin]

Brilliant, keep on as you mean to. Now is the time to lean on all the friends who've ever asked you for help.
Distract yourself with your DC - film, walk, silly games, arrange playdates - not everyone will be having the mythical wonderful Xmas break so may be happy to have their DCs playing with someone for a bit.
Try to eat and rest and nurture yourself. Reward yourself for every hour you don't think about contacting him or checking your phone.
Baggagereclaim site is good if you need some instant backbone and keep posting here

[Natalie12341]

thankyou so much am getting ready and am going to take my son out or the day :) I will post back here later. I feel strong today I need to be for my son as we re worth a million times more than this xxx

[Justwanttomoveon]

Well done for not contacting him. As I said in your other thread, you have pregnancy hormones on top of dealing with ex. It is infinitely more preferable doing this alone than with someone like your ex. Hope everything is ok at your next scan

[Natalie12341]

Thanks it's in 2 weeks plus I've just found out I've got a heart problem. So I shouldn't be getting stressed threw this pregnancy because the baby is putting a lot of strain on my heart to start with and he nos all this and still puts me threw this shit! Well been up a couple of hours and I've not messaged him. I don't feel very proud of my self. Even thou he will not think anything of me not messaging him. I am better tha. This and I will do it. My twin sister has been great surport and my friend this morning I keep saying sorry to them because I no they have there own life's to get on with and they just keep saying that's what friends are for. I will check back in later and let you's no how the rest of my day has gone thanks again xx

[MatildaTheRedNosedReinCat]

Well done for calling your friend. She's right, that is what friends are for.

Sorry to hear about your pregnancy problems, as well. Do tell your midwife about your split, too. She will care. ( I'm a former midwife. These things are very important).

Keep strong and divert yourself, you are doing just fine.