Basically as a pre warning I'm in my 3rd trimester with first dc so I am a hormonal mess.
Since we bought our house together 4 years ago DH and I have always spent Christmas together at my parents for dinner and then driven the 160+ miles to his parents on boxing day.
I've always felt uncomfortable around his parents and it's been a strained relationship. DH is the baby of the family and his parents babied him which was never a problem as we lived 70 miles away in the town where we met and as they wouldnt come to visit i rarely saw them.I don't actually think his parents thought the relationship would last with his mum even admitting that she wasn't keen on me because I was quiet and spend the whole weekend crying when she came to visit us in the house we bought.
Anyway 5 years ago we moved further away to my home city and DH came with me, we bought our house and got engaged and Christmas has been as described since then. Ive done it so Dh would see his family although I usually dread every minute I'm there due to his dad. He's not a horrible person he's just very awkward and is a my way or the high way type man which all of his family bow down to not to mention incredibly racist and homophobic.
Unfortunately his mother passed almost 3 years ago and since then his dad has gotten progressively worse to the point I find it extremely stressful to be around him.
Last boxing day was just so awful I told DH I was leaving a day early and getting a train home myself, DH to keep peace told his dad he had been called to work and we had to leave early and came with me.
Now I should point out that in the 5 years we have lived here has dad has visited twice. Once when we bought the house and again for our wedding.
I've had a very difficult pregnancy and find myself in a great deal of pain daily so DH managed to grow a pair and convinced has dad to come to us for Christmas. He's been here since the 23rd and I've gotten more upset, stressed and teary as the thr days have gone on culminating in me crying most of yesterday and today as all I've done is run around after him and DH and put up with racist comments. I feel like a stranger in my own home.
Fil isn't due to leave until Sunday with DH doing the 6 hour round drive to take him home.
I've spent all of today in the baby nursery crying I don't know how I'm going to spend another few hours with fil never mind days. I'm ready for blowing and DH won't say anything for fear of upsetting his elderly father.
I can't do this next year myself never mind with a baby. I don't want fil here and I don't want to go visit him on boxing day. I know Dh will be upset by this as he feels responsible for fil and won't want him to spend the holidays alone. Add to the fact DH two siblings who live far away also will throw in guilt trips.
So I'm thinking of telling Dh that for the sake of our marriage thr best thing to do would go back to how things were before we bought the house in that he spend the festive period with his family and I spend it with mine.
Am I being crazy to think of suggesting this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
AIBU about FIL and is this a stupid solutions
hormonalhippy · 26/12/2014 13:58
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