How can I stop thinking that the whole world is against me?

[IfuckingHateIkea]

I recently split up with a boyfriend who showed all the signs of being an abuser. He displayed lots of red flags - over the top gestures and flattery when we first met, telling me he loved me etc within a few days of meeting. It didn't take too long for the jealous/controlling/needy side to come to the surface - he didn't like me seeing my friends or doing stuff without him or with me not telling him my whereabouts. He started having a go at me at an all manner of stuff that I had apparently done wrong. Therefore he finally got his ass well and truly dumped.

I have bad relations with my other ex, who is the father to my DD. He is crap with maintenance payments and keeping dates to see DD. He criticises my parenting skills whilst not really doing very much parenting himself. Told me last minute this year that he doesn't have the time or enough money to see DD at all over the Christmas period.

I am NC with my parents. They were very abusive to me throughout my childhood, adolescence and adulthood and quite frankly, don't want to get into it all in this thread.

I've been up very early with DD today and have had a busy day so am completely exhausted.

I keep feeling like the world is against me, that every thing I try to do there is someone there trying to deliberately hold me back or sabotage my efforts. I feel like everyone hates me or thinks that I am below every one else.

I don't know, I would say 'I'm having one of those days' but TBH most days I feel like this. I feel like I am constantly battling and having to stay on guard against various assaults and quite frankly I find it quite exhausting. I wish I could relax a bit more.

This is a ranty/venty thread. It's helped to get it out but would like some thoughts/advice too please.

[thisisnow]

Stop going to Ikea

[CogitOIOIO]

Sorry you feel under seige, but the truth is that it's a jungle out there. Pixar handles the fairy stories.... the rest of us deal with reality, :) You've been unlucky and run up against more than your fair share of horrible people, it seems, but at least you've done something positive about it. Won't make you feel any better right this minute but worth bearing in mind.

[Justwanttomoveon]

Sorry you feel so bad, it seems you have been very unlucky to have the people closest to you treat you so poorly. I know it feels everyone is against you but there are good people in the world - not everyone is a shit, even though it feels that way at the moment. Have you spoken to your doctor, it could be depression (with good reason after what you've been through). When you're tired everything feels a million times worse and knowing you're not getting any help over the holidays will also make you feel worse.

Have you got anything planned for the new year? it sometimes helps having something positive to look forward to.

You have done the right thing in finishing the relationship, you obviously have some strength in you, many people stay in shitty relationships out of fear they will be alone so good on you for ending it.

There are some wonderful women on here who I'm sure will offer you some decent advice, I just didn't want to read and run.

[springlamb]

You need to develop your own little bubble. That's not to say ignore the rest of the world, just don't let anyone apart from you and dd into your little bubble until you are 100% sure that they will only be a positive addition. The rest of the world are on their own little track and you and dd have your track. 'They' do what they have to do, you do what you have to do. I imagine life like a water mill and we are all clinging to the outside rim - sometimes we get a dunking and 'they' are up at the top there waving down. But the wheel turns (sometimes really slowly) and we'll be up at the top waving down and chuckling as 'they' get dunked.
If you have a present to give dd on Xmas morning, a chocolate to share with her and a game the two of you can play, your bubble is fine.
If you have a friend you can trust and perhaps a friend for dd, then your bubble is well full!
If not, spend time trying to find those. And let 'them' carry on down their track.

[ThoughtItWasMine]

You sound like a very decent person who i s doing her best after having shit relationships with those who should be supportive not abusive and useless.

How about, in the new year, getting involved in some things where people are likely to act posively towards you, to build up your self esteem some more - maybe voluntary or community groups where you can join in or maybe help out and make some new positive contacts and friendships.

Have a lovely christmas with your DD.

[Wh0dathunkit]

Hi OP,

You sound extremely strong to me - you have recognised poor behaviour towards you and yours, and you have dealt with it. I do a voluntary activity, and those of us involved are like a second family - we may be a tad unconventional, but we pull together when we need to. We look out for each other when we are not together volunteering, and some very strong friendship bonds have developed as a result.

When I became single a few years ago, some of my friends were insistent I spent Christmas with them, and a new tradition of Boxing Day gin & panto has been formed - this year will be the biggest delegation heading to the panto yet .

I guess what I'm saying is that I fell into having 2 families - my bio one, and my batshit crazy friendship group. Perhaps a volunteering group could work for you - something you are interested in would mean that you would meet likeminded people, which is always a good start. Not everyone who you meet will be on your wavelength (some of the people involved in my activity can be waaaay too geeky about the subject!), but you'll be fine at handling them, I'm absolutely sure.