Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I'll do that/ not do that for YOU

6 replies

Xena · 09/10/2006 23:18

Dh refers to everything to do with the house or the children as 'your life'. Thinks that if he is doing something for them that he is doing something for me. I work (as a childminder) get the 4DC's up and dressed for 7.30am I'm tired I've had enough of DH. 3 of them were unwell today and DD1 has been a nightmare, I presume through lack of attention due to the others being unwell has wet herself twice and drawn on the door.
We have a survey being done on the house tomorrow and I have been rushing between the children all day today that I have just about kept up with feeding them and tidying that away so I have asked him to help me get on top of the rest of the house work and he hasn't done a stich, he says its my problem if i'm embarrsed by the state of the house.
Mad rambaling and doesn't make any sense i'm sure but I needed to get it off my chest

OP posts:

Report

harrisey · 10/10/2006 00:34

My dh sees the house as a half and half option. We are both full time students and the housework is split 50/50

However, this is a recent arrangement - until the end of July he was FT doc and I was FT sahm. But still the housework was shared - because I am a MUm, not a housekeeper, and he likes it tidier than I do.

Housework is for those who live there, IMO, and children are a full time job as it is without fussing aboutthe house. He is the one being unrealistic - your life neve rchanges, day in day out.

Hope your dc feel better soon!!!!!!

Report

Chandra · 10/10/2006 00:41

In theory we are like at Harrisey's, in practice... This week I have had the same from DH as you have had from yours...so I decided that I was not going to wash any shirt or serve him any dinner until he moved and did something for us. And... he has bathed DS, cleaned up the kitchen, cook dinner and DS's lunch, and I haven't had the time to wash his shirts yet....

Report

Chandra · 10/10/2006 00:43

I think you have to go away for a holiday and leave him to fend by himself with the house and the DC for a few days, so he can apreciate how much work children and houses are.

Report

Rookiemum · 10/10/2006 09:25

Yes go away for a few days. I have just been away for my first weekend without DH or 6 month DS.

DH was very tired when I returned on Sunday evening and said that looking after DS was the equivalent of working! I was so happy it was the validation I wanted. DH is good with DS and does lots of things but even at weekends its probably about a 70/30 split of childcare with guess who getting the 70%.

That is with one fairly undemanding baby not 4 children, so go on and do it even if its just for a long day shopping.

Report

Judy1234 · 10/10/2006 10:13

It's hard. For us we both always worked full time so it was shared. He like someone else below also liked the house tidy (as do I) so we didn't have the usual differences of one happy for it to be in a mess and the other not.
Now I'm divorced I've moved to 100% children and no free time. So that was a big change.

Report

Xena · 10/10/2006 11:08

I think sometimes that at least if we split up.every other weekend he would have to look after them!