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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

She's taken my door keys!!

29 replies

WibbleWobble1 · 28/11/2014 14:52

I have another thread going on - working away from home..

Anyway cut a long story short, my and my OH are having a relationship meltdown. I found a dream job about 100 miles away.. she doesn't want to move.. I've pushed her and tried to find a compromised... she's told me it over.

I was about to leave.. to collect my son and spend the weekend with my dad.. I just went to my desk and found that she has removed my door keys from the key ring.

If I go out I can't get back in.

What do I do? When I get back from dad's I could be homeless..

Is this illegal? The home is a council home, in her name, but I pay the rent, council tax and some other bills.

Completely stuck now!! Help?

OP posts:

Report

Longtalljosie · 28/11/2014 14:54

Have you called her? If not, you can't go out till she's back...

WibbleWobble1 · 28/11/2014 14:54

I've tried to call.. tried to text but she's not answering or responding.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/11/2014 14:56

Legally speaking, if the place is in her name then all you really are is a very generous lodger. Have you tried talking to her? Is the key business to prevent you from leaving or from returning?

WibbleWobble1 · 28/11/2014 14:58

I've no idea what the purpose of taking the keys are... I'm completely stuck..

I went downstairs (I work from home).. she went up.. went out.. and then when I got back to my desk.. keys.. removed.

Damn.. this is just incredible.. I'm flummoxed!

OP posts:

Granville72 · 28/11/2014 15:00

Surely if you have your son, not only will she be locking you out but your son as well?

If you are spending the weekend away, then take an weekend bag for yourself and your son with you when you go to collect him (from school I assume) and head straight to your dads?

Is the child joint or yours from a previous relationship?

InfinitySeven · 28/11/2014 15:00

I have a feeling that if the house is in her name, legally you have no right to re-entry if she doesn't want you there. Who has been paying the bills is probably legally irrelevant to a council house.

If she's taken your door keys, she either doesn't want you back, or she's making a point. Either way, you're going to have to talk to her, so I'd cancel your plans. If you've got nowhere else to stay, you can't leave until you've agreed a way forward.

WibbleWobble1 · 28/11/2014 15:06

I'd already packed the weekend bag.. I planned to leave soon.. I have a two hour plus drive ahead of me.

My son is from a previous relationship... so she doesn't have any responsibility to him.

Sounds like I've been screwed over.. Rent went out yesterday.. Council Tax too... and boom.. screwed.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/11/2014 15:09

It was pretty clear from the other thread that she wasn't going to compromise in order to join you in London. This sounds like she's voting with her feet.. or more accurately keys. Has there been an argument today?

FeckTheMagicDragon · 28/11/2014 15:14

I'm sorry you are in such a difficult spot, but as others have pointed out, the house is in her name, so legally, yes, she doesn't have to let you back in. I suggest you gather any important docs and items, and text here that you will pick up your belongings when you get back.

Re the move, how insistent were you being? To be honest if I were her, especially if I had children of my own, no way would I give up the security of a council house, plus local support network, and possibly to go traipsing off after someone that I'm not even married to.

InfinitySeven · 28/11/2014 15:16

She hasn't said that you can't go. She just doesn't want you back.

There might be a compromise here in terms of agreeing that you can stay a week or so, but it'd be up to her.

She could be feeling quite hurt that you've chosen the new job over her, and that has caused her to decide to move on now, as soon as possible. I suppose you are now free to go to the new job, and move to London.

Does your son live with you full-time?

SassySugarCane · 28/11/2014 15:21

If she has asked you to leave and its all in her name, you need to leave. As for pushing her into leaving, that was wrong with you. If she doesn't want to leave she doesn't have to.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/11/2014 15:24

Just leave, Its over, find somewhere else to live.

Take anything valuable or previous to you, people act like knobs when they're thwarted - and you going out when you're 'not allowed' is thwarting.

FunkyBoldRibena · 28/11/2014 15:25

When I get back from dad's I could be homeless..

You are working away from 'home', and she has taken your keys so yes, looks like you are not living there any more. I'd make sure you take any valuables before you go.

traviata · 28/11/2014 15:59

Op and partner (even if now ex-P) were cohabiting, same-sex couples are recognised the same as opposite sexes. OP, you can apply for a court order under the Family Law Act 1996 for an occupation order to stop ex-P from summarily evicting you.

it would at least buy you some time to sort things out for you and your son.

you can apply to the county court without notice, first thing on Monday. At the very least this could be something you can negotiate with, to make your ex-P allow you a reasonable time to get sorted.

it is unlikely to give you permanent rights to occupy unless there is more to the situation.

thegreylady · 28/11/2014 16:00

Stop any debit from your account for rent and bills too.

babybarrister · 28/11/2014 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quitelikely · 28/11/2014 16:28

Perhaps you could take a back door key? Or text her that you are calling a locksmith.

Or just realise this is the end and go. I would do that tbh as your only prolonging the inevitable if you try to stay

Jolleigh · 28/11/2014 16:52

If you've got somewhere you and your DC could stay, I'd go and stay there personally. She made it clear she wasn't moving, you pushed, she's ended the relationship. Maybe call a friend for help removing your valuables.

Mom2K · 28/11/2014 17:18

Well, if you were in a common law relationship - I don't think it matters that the house is in her name etc. I believe you are entitled to be there unless it is decided between you (or a judge) what would happen. I've heard lots of SAHM's on here going through separations where their OH was the bread winner, name on mortage etc. But that doesn't mean they do not have rights or have to be the one to leave. So I'd say the same should apply in your situation. Her name on the house shouldn't make a difference.

That being said...if it was her house before you moved in (despite you paying the bills) and you don't have children together, I'd say it would be best if you just packed up your stuff and left. It's not worth fighting over. Unelss of course you have accounts/assets/debts that are joint and need to be divided and taken into consideration, then that may put a different spin on things.

BoneyBackJefferson · 28/11/2014 17:26

OP, you gave her a choice, move with you to the new job or its over, she has made her choice.

magoria · 28/11/2014 17:32

She has said you are over and is in a very petty manner making this clear.

Get all your necessaries and valuables and if you have any where else to stay, go.

Cancel rent, council tax and all DDs as soon as possible so you don't get stung for any more. Call up all utilities in your name and advise them you are moving out as of today and any credits are to be returned to your account. You may recoup a little of the rent etc this way.

I don't know what rights you have or where you could find out on a Friday evening however I think you need to get out before it becomes unpleasant.

You may have to write off the council tax and rent

Vivacia · 28/11/2014 17:43

There is no such thing as common law spouse!

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3littlefrogs · 28/11/2014 17:47

There is no such thing as a common law relationship and therefore no associated rights.
Your OH's name is on the rent book, so you have effectively been paying generously for your accommodation.

You need to take all your belongings and sort out somewhere else to live.
Hopefully you aren't responsible for any other bills or debts.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 28/11/2014 18:12

If you aren't married or civil partnered you have no rights to the house I'm afraid. She is behaving badly though.

HerrenaHarridan · 28/11/2014 18:26

Op do you think your dp is trying to stop you leaving or getting back in? Be honest.

If the latter pack anything that matters into you car, get your son and drive to your dads. Figure out your next move from there. Move to dream job or whatever.

If the the former then you need to think as carefully and calmly as you can about what really matters to you and either make amends with your dp. The key business is pretty unreasonable and (depending how mush) so is pushing her to move 100miles. Can you forgive each other and move on. If you can't move past this or if you choose to prioritise dream job then as above get your shit in the car and just go

Flip

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