I know I've asked this before, but men and porn.

[earlgrey]

Some of you said you would mind, some of you say you don't.

Would you mind if they did it in secret, and denied it?

The other morning I came down, did their lunches, and for some reason I was earlier and he was later. So I put the TV on for their 15 mins while they wake up, and they like to watch a programme on digital TV.

Switched the TV on, and I found "Welcome to Xtreme TV. You can subscribe for a night, or pay for one night, or subscribe by calling (whatever number it was).

Bearing in mind last year we went to Relate, and he denied it, what would you feel?

Also, he's managed a way to delete the history section when I look under 'settings', history.

We have no life together now - even when we talk about something banal and innoculous (which isn't often) the girls just say 'don't fight'.

What can I/would you do? I'm sure he'd deny this too. I've hidden the set top box remote control, but I know that's not the answer.

[earlgrey]

Also forgot to mention that he's found a way of deleting the history/cookies when I look them up. Does anyone know of any way I can reinstate those? Spyware is one of the programmes that I certainly didn't install.

[earlgrey]

I wouldn't mind so much if he'd admit it, but he's so secret squirrel about it that he makes me feel, well, I don't know how it makes me feel. Horrible.

[twinsetandpearls]

It would bother me if he denied it ( which my dp did until mumsnet outed him with rather hilarous consequences!) and we had no sex life.

[earlgrey]

TS&Ps, WHY doesn't it bother you? It doesn't bother me that we have no sex life (in fact, it's a dream) but the whole deception thing is a different matter, to my mind anyway

[earlgrey]

Sorry, did you mean he's upfront about it? I could just about cope with that. But spending hard earned cash on it is a different story.

And I find it so sordid. I'm a prude - but I haven't been in the past!! Just think someone who's 67 with a wife 27 years his junior perhaps ought not to think he's done hard by. And it's not that I'm totally unattractive

[turquoise]

EG if you have no sex life, maybe he's having problems with erections etc? And is trying to gee himself up a bit? Before turning to viagra or something - re his age.

[earlgrey]

TQ, sorry if I seem a bit simplistic here, but if he can get off on porn surely he can get off somewhere else?

Not that I mind - well, I do, but perhaps with someone not so nasty....

[turquoise]

That's my point though - maybe none of it is getting him off and he's searching for stronger and stronger stuff to see if it will?
How is he about your lack of sex life? Will he talk about it?

[twinsetandpearls]

It didn't bother me because that is just how I am, we have a very happy sex life and I know he adores me. But dp is quite a shy and reserved man so I can see thay he might be embaressed to say he looked at porn on the internet. It just amused me, would be different if he was buying loads of magazines ot vidoes but a few clicks on some daft site is nothing to be bothered about.

[twinsetandpearls]

I dot think porn is necessarily to do with whether you find your partner attractive or not tbh, just as women may have fantasies about anoter man but that does not mean they think any less of their partner.

He was only up front about it when I caught him out, tbh I don;t know whether it is something he has done again and I am not really bothered as I don;t see it as a threat to our relationship.

[earlgrey]

TS&Ps, that's just it, he's not upfront about it. Got to go for the mo cos dd2's asking about some vile stuff called floam.