My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do sexual partners have the right to expect certain things in bed?

169 replies

applemac · 25/10/2014 08:33

I have recently come out of a long relationship. I agreed with someone I know to have a kind of friends with benefits relationship because I'm very busy. I thought it would be ok, but now I'm thinking I should finish it because he makes me feel like there is something wrong with me if I won't do exactly what he wants.

He is very big and I don't like sitting on top of him during sex because it hurts and I get a sensation like I'm going to wee. He makes me feel like I'm totally unreasonable not to want to do this position because he wants my boobs in his face. He also keeps nagging me for naked pictures of me and he complains if I can't get his penis right down my throat. My blowjob technique must be ok because he always comes. He also likes to be licked anally which I'm happy to do.

In a FWB scenario, is it unreasonable to not want to do certain things? My feeling is that you should treat the person with the same respect as if it was a relationship. He was here last night and he ended up getting annoyed with me because of the position thing. He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it' he doesn't understand that I don't want to feel uncomfortable! And I end up feeling like I'm weird and it upsets me.

OP posts:
DefiniteMaybe · 25/10/2014 08:36

In any sexual situation it is totally fine to not want to do something.
Just saying no is reason enough and your partner shouldn't try and force the issue.

amy83firsttimer · 25/10/2014 08:37

Ew. Not on in my opinion. The beauty of FWB arrangements is that you get to be completed satisfied and selfish in that slightly different way from in a 'normal' relationship. This is a two-way thing though.
Set boundaries and stick to them.
Have alternating days where one is in charge within those mutually agreed boundaries.

Lilacflower · 25/10/2014 08:37

He sounds disrespectful. You should never have to do anything you're not comfortable with.

Catzeyess · 25/10/2014 08:37

No, dump this guy he's an arse.

CatKisser · 25/10/2014 08:38

You should never feel pressured to do something you're not happy to be. Just because you're FWB, rather than "conventional" couple youre still a person - not his personal wank sock.

Dowser · 25/10/2014 08:38

Are you getting any benefit from this?

It all sounds very sad to me?

As Paul Daniels would say...you'll like this...not a lot!

Fairylea · 25/10/2014 08:38

Wow sex with him sounds like fun Hmm

I couldn't have a sexual relationship with someone who expected me to do things I didn't want to. Sex should be pleasurable for both parties.

Mumraathenoisylion · 25/10/2014 08:39

That sounds horrible op Sad I would find another fwb if that's what you want.

gamerchick · 25/10/2014 08:39

He sounds like a complete prick in the bedroom Hmm
nobody has the right to get narky if you don't want to do something in bed and that's even if usually you do and enjoy whatever it is.

Find another dude for fwb if that's what you want right now.

trappedinsuburbia · 25/10/2014 08:40

Eh no way, sex should be a fun and enjoyable experience, he treating you like a sex toy. I would tell him to piss off and get a blow up doll.
Even in a fwb situation you should treat each other with respect. Hes an abusive arse, be grateful your not in a relationship and get rid.

applemac · 25/10/2014 08:40

I've had FWB relationships before where the other person was respectful.

Today I feel quite tearful about it because he's made me feel like a freak or something.

OP posts:
Bakeoffcakes · 25/10/2014 08:42

He doesn't sound much if a friend to me, if fact he sounds a complete knob.

Why would you carry on having sex with him, really just end it now.

YonicScrewdriver · 25/10/2014 08:42

Christ, no.

Why does he think his perfect gratification is more important than your discomfort and unhappiness? He clearly doesn't care if he's upsetting you in bed.

I think this guy is bad news.

ChillingGrinBloodLover · 25/10/2014 08:43

Well, he'd be fair disappointed here I can tell you - and he'd have got his marching orders after the first time he got annoyed I wouldn't 'perform'. Git.

FWB is supposed to be fun & mutually beneficial - not this.

NEXT>>>>>

Bakeoffcakes · 25/10/2014 08:44

He's making out do things which are painful, he doesn't care that you feel uncomfortable. He's made you feel like a "freak"

Just stop having six with him!

talbotinthesky · 25/10/2014 08:44

See if he likes having something shoved down his throat. The bloke sounds like a right prick tbh

YonicScrewdriver · 25/10/2014 08:44

Definitely no naked pictures. If he doesn't care about upsetting you, he might not care about your privacy.

Bakeoffcakes · 25/10/2014 08:44

sex

gamerchick · 25/10/2014 08:44

And it'll erode your self esteem in that area eventually. I was made to feel so crap at blow jobs once that I wouldn't do them in the end because I thought they were crap. It took a good couple of years with the husband before I got my confidence back.

Don't sleep with him again.

YonicScrewdriver · 25/10/2014 08:45

"He said 'well I don't care if you wee, just do it'"

You realise this sentence is actually:

He said 'well I don't care if you don't like it, just do it'

Bakeoffcakes · 25/10/2014 08:45

And when you have stopped having sex with him, would you feel strong enough to tell him he's not a very nice person to have sex with?

If someone doesn't tell him, he will continue to treat women like blow up dolls.Sad

YonicScrewdriver · 25/10/2014 08:46

( I notice it was your place that he didn't care if you wee'd on!)

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Riverland · 25/10/2014 08:47

Really sorry to hear this, OP. You've just come out of a long relationship and are not sure what is ok or not.

This guys attitude is NOT OK.

He's being uncaring toward you and insensitive. This is NOT OK.

Find someone kind and respectful.

Ditch this bloke at once.

applemac · 25/10/2014 08:47

The thing is Bakeoff - I doubt that will make any difference. I said to him;

'Why are you trying to make me do things I don't want to'

There was no response.

OP posts:
WhereTheWildlingsAre · 25/10/2014 08:48

He has zero respect for you. It sounds like you are there to simple service his needs Sad

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.