Hello all, new poster here, reading all week whilst the DH is at work!
Background - together 20yrs, married for 16. One DS aged 14. It was DH birthday recently - I just read another post about choosing a card and reading the words inside, and just felt that was me!
For abt 6yrs on/off, I've been unhappy with his drinking - not at raving alkie level, but sometimes just 2 would make him slurry. He would blame it on being tired - yes, he works hard and has trouble sleeping at night, always has done.
Anyway, refuses to accept he has a problem and will rein it in when I have a go. Trouble is DS is of an age where he has seen a lot of stuff now and hates him drinking. Hates how it makes him change when he has had a drink. God, even seeing that written down makes me feel stupid! 
When DH is drinking, he can turn nasty - never physical but says awful stuff, always asking me if there is anyone else (as if - where do they think we get the bloody time???), saying that would be it for him, he would never look at anyone else (but doesn't let me forget that he had offers).
He is terribly insecure - I have told him in the past when we argue that he has problems he needs to address, it's not always my fault. We all have our faults, I am not the tidiest etc, he is probably more house-proud than I am!
We both work full-time, when he is sober and not depressed - which I do think is a real issue here - he will gladly share chores and can be extremely helpful. We have been through an awful lot the last couple of years and I am gutted that we seem to have got through this only to fail now. Last weekend, I picked him up again on stopping drinking and told him that he had to want to do it, I can't do it for him. He said something he's said many times before, nothing major but I think something broke inside me. Since then I have felt kind of numb, and I am really glad he's working eves this week so I can think about what to do.
I'm terrified of money and the house and everything but feel I need to tell him now that I don't love him anymore, and that we need to call it a day. I'm sure he knows when he speaks to me on the phone and sees me in the mornings before I go to work, but he's probably biding his time too before we have to bring it up this weekend. In a way I'm relieved it's coming to a head, but dreading it too. DS has already had a couple of serious conversations with me about this earlier this week - he is accepting that DH & I may need to part -in some ways I think he is relieved too. I am already feeling very guilty about what he's heard/seen but I am sure he knows already that this behaviour is not "normal" and we need to do something about it.
Sorry for the long post, need to get this off my chest and can't tell anyone else at the moment. Would be grateful for some words of encouragement and/or advice....thanks 
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Relationships
Think I am getting ready to end this marriage
KentLass43 · 23/10/2014 22:52
Hmmm...
....well....have already started doing a budget planner thingy to work out money and almost opened another bank account today at work too. Been reading these boards avidly and MoneySavingExpert lol - I guess I am actually doing this, aren't I? 
I refuse to lose my sense of humour though - it helps disguise an awful lot....
Well, I broached it with him yesterday - told him I thought we had run our course, I was broken inside and can't fix our relationship anymore. DS was out, thankfully.
I am exhausted - slept on and off most of that evening and all of last night.
Today I think he is ignoring it all and hoping it will go away!
What do I do next?? He can't afford to move out, we have no friends to speak of and no family he could crash with. I am stuck. 
He caught me looking at rentals last night and that set off the discussion again - very bizarre as DS was at the other end of the room on Skype but could obviously work out what was going on. DH didn't seem to care, but we were both quiet. Long convo with DS this morning, he is achingly wise for his age, which breaks my heart. This is my fault I have made him this way
DH said all the usual things - try again, one last chance, I can't live without you, I will end up on the street (!!) - the trouble is, I've heard it all before and have told him so, and that I don't believe him. He pressed me for an answer which I couldn't give and said so - told him that I wouldn't give him one now and needed to think about everything, as it wouldn't be just down to me - I can't "fix" him and what he needs to sort out - with professional help, probably - is his own issues. He will never agree to that, I know. In which case, it's probably useless to flog a dead horse, isn't it?!? 
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