Does anyone else feel that if someone doesn't like them then it 'taints' you in the eyes of others?

[greygreycreamgrey]

I hope my title makes sense!

I have had ongoing hassle for a couple of years with a mum at my DCs school. Her DD and my DD had a minor falling out and the mum totally turned on me.

Everyone who is 'friends' with me at the school is also 'friends' with her.

I don't know if it is me being paranoid, but I can't help feeling that people probably don't like me that much because they probably perceive that I'm difficult in some way because there is someone that I don't get on with. I can't help but feel that people probably aren't as friendly and warm with me as they would be if I hadn't had this hassle.

A similar thing happened to me several years ago on a mums forum that I joined when I had my youngest child; one of the other women on there took a dislike to me when we had a group meet up, and was quite unpleasant. I ended up leaving the forum a few weeks after the meet up as I felt that everyone was quite off with me because this other woman didn't like me.

I probably am being paranoid, but I just hate not being liked.

[OiMissus]

I agree. If mud is thrown at a wall, some will stick. Temporarily!!
However, and this is vital.
If you walk away, the mud stays.
You have to stick around. If these friendships are important to you, you have to prove that you are not mud. It won't take long - if you are genuinely not mud - to show that you are a genuinely nice person.
Stick around. It's worth it.

[Heyho111]

I totally agree with oimisses.
Just be you. Don't try too hard with the mums to be liked. Even be civil with the mu you fell out with however horrid she is. Just be the better person and people will like you for it.

[FoulsomeAndMaggotwise]

I totally disagree!

I like who I like and I don't care who else doesn't like them. I don't listen to gossip or rumours. Hopefully neither do your other friends.

[Drumdrum60]

I do know what you mean. Be stoic and do the right thing and smile through it . It's only school gate mum daft ness and you must have other things going on. I remember the first time I found out somebody didn't like me was in my mid twenties and I was totally shocked! Must have been living in a bubble but I really didn't care. Says more about her really .

[hydeparkhottie]

I agree, most people think 'ignoring' such a situation is to walk away and avoid the entire environment.

I've learned that you ignore the situation but continue on in the environment as your normal self. Be you! This keeps you consistent with yourself without furthering ostracising youwhich is good for your self esteem and those around you also learn to not just accept yobut give you a chance as they colour in who you are with their personal interactions with you.

Often, Wendys and other horrible types of people will count on alienating a person--the person who is made to feel bad exits the scene altogether in an effort to 'ignore' and thats how the bully/wendy capitalises on changing how you are perceived by others.


or maybe I'm just paranoid. IDK. I'm really sick and I've been watching all sorts of twisted spy movies all night.

[Isetan]

If you are desperate for people to like you then you leave yourself horribly exposed to the mean bitches of this world. People are entitled not to like you but they are not entitled to be mean about it, ignore them.

If others base their opinions of you by what a third party thinks, then they're not very good friends. This is a very important lesson for your DD learn, so it's not too late to start modelling that.

[bellarations]

I agree grey, I have also found myself in these circumstances. I think you are right and that there is some good advice here, some of which I wish had occured to me in the past.

[greygreycreamgrey]

I have to admit I do struggle with the idea of people not liking me. I think if I cared less about whether people liked me or not then this sort of thing would bother me less perhaps?