I'm inspired to post this thread to ask for help and advice as I saw a thread in AIBU and feel like I am in exactly the same situation as that poster. I don't have many close friends and I very rarely ask for advice from them so when I do I feel like they want to spare my feelings and don't tell me straight!
We've been together since Feb 2011 and dated pretty seriously since then -as we had mutual friends, so I knew he was 'ok' iyswim. He lives quite near me in his own property. I have a son aged 8 from a previous relationship, DS spends every weekend with his dad, from Friday at 6pm til Sunday at 4pm. DS and DB get along great.
I have tried to be clear that I want to be settled, in a happy relationship and ultimately to be married. All the time that we've been together I have expressed that that is the relationship that I would like. This year I have become more 'pushy' for want of a better word and really tried to discuss our future.
These discussions led to us becoming engaged earlier this year and I thought that this might be a turning point and lead to us becoming more like partners. This hasn't happened and I can feel myself getting more upset and frustrated as time goes on.
We are literally like boyfriend/girlfriend - there are barriers to our bring together- he works from 6 am and so gets up at about 4am. I work weekend nights. It's not ideal. He doesn't really stay overnight because of this. Perhaps twice a month.
There are barriers to us living together too- neither of our properties would be suitable for us to share - mine is too small - his needs a bit of work.
I feel like I coast along enjoying being with him- really loving him and then every couple of months I just question what the hell I'm doing.
We've discussed and discussed what to do - his attitude is that we are working towards being together and we will get married and have the 'ever after' and that I want things to happen too quickly. He says that he feels totally committed to me and we are together.
I don't know what to do I feel lonely a lot of the time. We do have a really great time together, he is my best friend, I look forward to seeing him we laugh and talk and love each other. He makes me laugh like nobody else, he makes my heart skip when I look at him.
We go on holiday together, just us and the 3 of us. We have a wonderful time. Then he goes home. He has lived alone for a long time, and was hurt when his (only) LTR ended, he's dated a bit and then had a long distance relationship that ended just before we met.
I'm 38 in a couple of months. He's 50 next year. He does love me I know he does and we are really good together. Can I turn my back on what I have now? I've never felt this way about anyone else and the idea of meeting someone else or being with someone else is just a bit strange, but I'm so dissatisfied with the way that things are.
I'm just not the type of person to issue ultimatums but I'm tired of trying to persuade him that our new life is waiting for us. We are at the stage now where I'm so frustrated it's really affecting how much I feel that I can give to the relationship when I have no idea what the future holds for us.
We only spend a couple of evenings a week together - he comes to me as I have DS, he'll call in for a couple of hours on a night where he's got work in the morning and I'll see him for longer or overnight when he has a day off the day after - unless I'm at work obviously. Because I work all weekend we don't get that 'weekend together' that I feel like every other couple has. It's difficult I know there are restraints that are unique to us. But I feel like we will never overcome them. I feel like he is waiting for normal life to stop so he's got time to assess and plan.
Please give me some advise!
I'm off to work now but I'll be back as I really need some help.
Thanks
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Will I Have To Wait Forever?
MabelStark · 18/10/2014 17:30
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