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HELP ! partner signed off with depression - how can I help ?

6 replies

moomoo1967 · 30/09/2006 07:15

I had been single for a while now and have met a lovely guy, who I have been seeing for the past two months.
He has recently been signed off work with depression. I have not had any experience of this before and am just wary that I could very easily say the wrong thing. I would love to help him get through this period but I am also not sure if this has happened before. I want to be there for him - any advice anyone ?

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Rookiemum · 30/09/2006 09:12

I was reluctant to respond to this as I don't want to start controversy but I do have some personal experience of an ex partner with depression.

My situation was quite serious and I ended up going to a counsellor to talk it through and one thing she said shocked me. It was that depression is very rarely a one off happening so it could be something you would have to handle in your partner for the rest of your life.

I didn't love the guy I was with enough to take on that commitment, there were other flaws in the relationship too I hasten to add.

Personally I would have a talk with him about wether he has had any incidents of depression before and if so how long they last for and how does he recover from them.

I really hope this doesn't sound callous, if you love this chap or feel that you could grow to love him and it sounds like he has some wonderful qualities if you are prepared to countenance supporting him through this at such and early stage in the relationship, then go for it. I just wanted you to think carefully about the situation. Good luck.

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moomoo1967 · 30/09/2006 18:04

thanks rookiemum, I did think about posting but I didn't know where else to turn, none of my friends have dealt with this either. I realise it can be a sensitive suject and welcome any positive comments

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moomoo1967 · 01/10/2006 17:02

bumpity bump

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divastrop · 02/10/2006 20:47

i can only offer advice from the other way round,in that i was suffering from depression when i met my dp.i was very upfront with him about it from the start and explained that it was something i'd battled with on and off for years.i didnt want thim to get involved if he wasnt going to be able to handle it.
he has always been supportive and understanding as far as possible and suppoted me in getting help etc(even though i recognise when i need helpmyself).
the only thing i would say is if you think u and this man are going to be a long term thing,try and be supportive and patient,but dont take responsibility for him and make the mistake of thinking you can make him happy.

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MonkeysRavagingStrides · 03/10/2006 00:25

You need to know if it has happened before and to what extent. Are you saying that until he told you this you hadn't noticed?

I second Rookiemum's advice if he is a 'depressive'. It is possible to free yourelf from depression forever, but a lot don't.

Depressives aren't nice to live with and they always eventually lash out at the people close to them.

You need to weigh up the odds based on his history of episodes, his triggers and his strategies for dealing with it - and talk to those (more than one) who have lived thru it with him before.

Good luck.

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moomoo1967 · 03/10/2006 18:52

thanks for all your messages and yes as we live two hours apart and I have only known him for 2 months it is the first time I have experienced it. He always seemed like such an upbeat person so I was quite shocked when I experienced it for the first time. And, yes you are all correct, I need to know a little of the history of it, I hope we can work through this as he is such a lovely guy. I was off ill in August when we first met with a back problem and he was the one who kept me going throughout it all.
thanks again x