Does this guy fancy me or am I just wishful thinking?

[rockfolly]

Hi I'm a divorced 25 -year-old woman (no dcs) and me and a group of friends often drink at a nearby pub where this guy that I really fancy also goes.

He is divorced too but about 15 years my senior (not that that matters), anyway, I got married young and have little dating experience outside of marriage.

He is quite touchy feely with me (kissed my hand once) and I think he likes me back but I just don't know.

Anyway, the other night the place was loud and I said 'hi' but he did not reply. A bit drunk and overemotional, I mentioned this to my friend and she told him, 'rockfolly's upset as you ignored her'. In retrospect, the place was loud and he probably didn't hear me but, stupid and drunk, I told my friend and she blabbed this.

I saw him on friday and he apologised for ignoring me. I said it was OK place loud etc and thought that was the end of it. However, last night he comes up to me and repeats the apology and saying that he would 'never ever ever ignore you' and really going on about it. I say it's OK and just to let it go.

Now I feel like an idiot as I must come over as egotistical and demanding but, worse, I still have no clue how he feels about me. Advice?

[MagratsHair]

Ask him if he would like to go for a coffee with you?

[yorkierocks123]

I always think you can tell so what does your gut instinct really say?

[rockfolly]

I think he does but I just don't know. Surely apologising once is enough?

[minkymuskyslyoldstoaty]

he's apologised again to make the point that he likes you.

next time you see him, ask him out.

[rockfolly]

I thought so, minkymuskyslyoldtoaty, but he must know that I like him, too, right? I mean I'm quite shy and introverted and not the life and soul of any party, but the fact that I got upset about him 'ignoring' me must tell him something, right? You don't get upset if somebody you don't like ignores you; you just shrug it off. Maybe I should wait for him to ask me?

[ImperialBlether]

I think the age difference is huge. You are still really young; at 25 you have your whole life ahead of you. At 40 he will have done an awful lot of the things that you are planning to do and that can lead to a whole lot of problems. Everyone likes to mark first occasions with someone who's also marking them for the first time. Everything you do, he will have done before.

If you are determined to go after him, though, the best way to get him is not by asking him out.

[rockfolly]

I don't really care about the age gap-it's not like I'm 15 and he is 30. But you're right; I'm not going to ask him out.

[FrazzledMiddleChild2]

I'd be more concerned that he fancies you but doesn't care about YOU.

I would wait a while and see if he is worthy of you. A lot of men my age think that women your age are easy to play. And because of their youth they feel less guilt about playing young women because well they're young, and no harm done.

I know you say you don't care about the age gap, fine, but if he were 25 would you be sitting around trying to figure out if he liked you or not. It's like it's an interview and you want to know if you're pleasing to the panel. I would find out why he is divorced (if possible).

[FrazzledMiddleChild2]

Sorry, my post probably sounds unnecessarily cautious but I think even if he likes you or fancies you or both, you've worn your vulnerability on your sleeve. Keep your wits about you!

[getthefeckouttahere]

Yes he likes you.

No, he doesn't necessarily know that you like him even if you have made it reeeeally obvious. Bloke fall into one of two camps generally, A) they think EVERYONE fancies them. B) they think no one fancies them.

Take matters in hand. Next time you see him say 'oh if you really wanted to make up for ignoring me the other night you can take for a drink' (smile and offer number iff he doesn't already have it).

Good luck.

[MadeMan]

"I thought so, minkymuskyslyoldtoaty, but he must know that I like him, too, right? I mean I'm quite shy and introverted and not the life and soul of any party, but the fact that I got upset about him 'ignoring' me must tell him something, right?"

I wouldn't take the fact that a woman was upset if I ignored her as a sign that she fancied me, I'd think more that she was generally peed off because she thought I was being rude or ill mannered.

Even though you think it must be obvious to him that you like him, you probably show no outward signs that you do, especially if you're shy because the chances are you will try harder to hide how you really feel due to your shyness.

[bobbywash]

Quite simply some men need hitting over the head with a frying pan to be aware of female interest.

He clearly likes you, but is waiting for a positive (to him) signal back. Many have suggested getting him to invite you for a coffee, and that's what you should do, when he made the apology the second time, his "I would never ignore you" comment was an expression of interest, and waiting for a response that you didn't give, so that he could then take it further.

Next time you speak to him give him the right signal, he's clearly shy too and "pussyfooting" around. Oh and make the signal very clear.