So i have written here before and got advice, I had done n/c with him, I had done tears and listened to his reasons and his inability to explain himself, made excuses, didn't want to throw it away... I went back.
I was wrong to go back. I am here now to GIVE advice... Men like this don't change.
I have read that quote here so often, I have been given advice, I have seen it in real life, I have read threads here where others are in the situation and asking for help and felt somewhat consoled that I wasn't alone with a man who can't help lying.
But I can honestly say now I believe it.
So what changed, I mean I was given advice and could see the problem. Well, I wasn't ready to open my eyes, but more importantly I wasn't ready to say, I deserve better. It wasn't that I didn't respect myself or had serious lack of confidence. I'm a confident woman in many respects and well able to stand up for myself. It was that I could see the potential in the relationship. I was in love with the glimpses of who he was underneath and what he could become.But unfortunately these men don't want to change. That's the problem. I made all the excuses:
1.he had to meet a woman like me to finally change and he will. i justhave to make him see clearer.
- He has alot on his plate.
- He is waiting for the right time.
- He has had a bad past relationship.
- We have invested alot of time and effort not to throw away.
- I will find a nicer outfit to really blow his socks off.
- I will be more adventerous in bed.
- He hasn't many friends and gets bored when I'm around and can't help temptation. I must make myself more available.
- The kids.
I could go on. But see i made all excuses. Every excuse that if you are reading this and you are in similar position,you have made.
You're thinking to yourself yours is different. I know underneath he loves me, or maybe this lady hasn't got the amazing quality that I have. my man couldn't possibly hurt me.
You're kidding yourself. Like I was. He told me i was better than anyone else. He told me he loved me, that couldn't live without me. That he couldn't stopthinking about me when apart. That I would never be another man's woman, I was his, forever.
But what Ikept overlooking was his ability to say these things but yet compartmentalise the lying and women. They didn't mean anything and it would never happen again. He honestly believed that. But unfortunately he hadn't enough self control when it came to it. He was selfish.
So if you are reading this and you are suspecting your husband lying or cheating, trust your instinct. When he finally admits or you find evidence. Leave or don't listen to the lies. He won't change and you will never be happy if you stay or make excuses. The phrase fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. It is so true.