friends with fucking benefits!

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

Aren't they supposed to be simple?

Despite my user name, I'm not in love with him, didn't go into this hoping to trap him in a serious relationship (I'm 2 years out of a failed marriage) and for my part I've been clear and simple about what I want, I contact him when I want to see him, I respect his busy schedule and never message him more than once a week, when he had too much going on I left him alone. On his side he's throwing mixed signals everywhere. Do I assume that mixed messages are a sign of not being interested in the situation and move on? Which is much easier said than done when the sex is great and outside of the bedroom I have to see him everyday.

Much less confusing and much more fun than a proper relationship they said! Lies damn lies!

[Meerka]

Talk to him and ask him what he wants!

If he gives you a straight answer and behaves consistently with his answer, great. If he doesn't, bin him. Be polite but suggest that you let it fade away but stay friends. FWB aren't supposed to be angsty!

gl :)

[seasavage]

It's supposed to be less work for you than a relationship.
Remind him he needs to be straight forward.
If he feels the need to be evasive then he's probably not cut out for this type of relationship.

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

Seems like the logical thing to do I suppose - I keep meaning to then we have sex and I forget to mention anything

[VeryStressedMum]

Do you work with him as you have to see him everyday? And what are his mixed messages do you feel he wants to be in a relationship with you?

[VeryStressedMum]

Sorry re read your op, what are his mixed messages?

[BloodyFWBshite]

I am in a FWB with someone I see every day. I have found it very hard not to get attached and now he is leaving the country soon. I am heart broken.

He did all the running and has now backed off and made me feel like a bunny boiler. I would NEVER have gone into it if I had any inkling that he was thinking to leave, I'm devastated. I thought I could handle it but I can't.

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

It's not quite the easy fix that I imagined. Sorry you're having a hard time

Thinking about it it's probably not so much mixed signals more crap communication on his part. Why he can't be more direct about what he wants or doesn't want is beyond me.

I'm 99% sure he doesn't want a relationship, he is very affectionate and intimate when we are together, mostly lovely when we see each other out and about and during the day but when it comes to arranging things and texting he seems unable to do it without complicating things

[Trills]

First decide what YOU want.

One you know that, either break it off, or tell him what you want.

Once you've told him what you want, he can agree or disagree.

[niceupthedance]

Is the problem that he might not want to see you so frequently? Once a week seems like a bit of a commitment for FWB...

[eddielizzard]

complicating things how?

maybe have a break for a bit? don't contact him for 2 weeks and make it clearer that he is just a fwb? maybe he's worried you've got feelings for him?

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

Trills - I'd like to continue, but without the second guessing, the situation is working perfectly well for me aside from that.

Nice - I expect that might be the problem and he's communicating it like most males!

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

and his massive ego has probably convinced him that I am madly in love with him!

[Justwhateverreally]

Take a step back and get yourself busy with other things, and see how it goes. He may leave it at that, he may start making the running. Whatever you do, don'tbe tthe one to do the asking all the time. I don't believe in The Rules or anything but these things should be equally balanced. Otherwise you're selling yourself short.

[Trills]

he's communicating it like most males!

No need for the casual sexism.

If he is communicating poorly then either
1 - get fed up and ditch him
2 - try to get some better communication

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

Regretted the sexism as soon as I hit post.

I'll have a chat with him, he's great and at 47 I'm struggling with dating but not quite ready to give up on an active sex life!

[Trills]

Good luck! Hopefully you can both be clear about what you want.

[MiniTheMinx]

The mixture of confused signals and game playing/messing about with arrangements is almost definitely due to the fact that his ego will not allow him to acknowledge that you feel anything less than adoration for him. In order to ensure you do nothing other than think of him all day, he will mess with your mind. That is why he is affectionate and intimate, plays games, and gives mixed signals. I have just been dealing with a similar situation, and it is very draining. Better to find someone who is honest about what they want.

[feelingsareamassivebastard]

Although I've not once mentioned or given any indication that I adore him, I can quite well believe that he thinks that I do and its for that very reason that I couldn't take him seriously as a potential romantic partner, an over blown ego isn't the most attractive of features and is usually covering up cripplingly low self esteem.

How did you deal with it Mini?

[Darkesteyes]

YY Agree with Mini.

[MiniTheMinx]

Yes, low self-esteem is the cause. I haven't exactly dealt with it. Mine parrots "do ya love me then" and "is this just sex" if I say no to the first and yes to the second, he is passive aggressive and starts playing silly games. I do really think a lot of him but I was always clear what my intention and situation is. At the moment I have found myself "too busy" and I have just tried to put some distance into it.

[MiniTheMinx]

Hello Darkesteyes, sorry X-posted with you. How are you?

[Darkesteyes]

Up and down. I KNOW hes not right but some nights i really have to sit on my hands. MNing helps a bit to keep my hands busy. Ive decided to stay on the POP.

[Darkesteyes]

Thanks for asking