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Relationships

Problems with another Mum - what would you do?

8 replies

Boleyn · 22/09/2006 22:04

Hi - I'm not sure if this is the right discussion area but I'll try. I'd really like your opinions on my problem. Long (sorry)

There is a Mum who lives just outside of our small road whose daughter is in DS's class at school. We both have younger pre-school children. For two years we shared the walk to school. I'm working part time and she is not working. I usually did more than she did. I also invited her DD home one night a week after school as they were/are friends. I have also taken her to the school disco twice.

The Mum and I are not friends and there have been a couple of sticky moments where values have clashed a little.

But before these sticky moments she never reciprocated the invites - ever. Though she has invited at least one other child for tea. I sort of resented this but felt as sharing the school run was important to me and the children did want to play I'd carry on with the invites.

Then her DD started an after school club so didn't come back any more. Then she has stopped sharing the school run - because, she says, the twins are in pre-school and she cannot make the commitment.

The upshot is that I feel used and dumped. She obviously does not like me, or DS or both of us. But I can cope with that. It's also daft that we are sometimes making the same journey to school that could be shared. But I can cope with that.

What's troubling me is that the children are still friends and DS wants to invite her to play. But I'm not sure that I can ....... Should I and button my lip and put my pride on hold (again) or no - but what to say to DS?

What would you do? HELP

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WideWebWitch · 22/09/2006 22:07

god, hard one. If your child wasn't asking to play I'd leave it, shrug, that's life. Maybe I'd be the better person and invite her child but prob not, I'd prob keep putting my child off with vague 'they can't' stuff while cultivating other friendships.

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flutterbee · 22/09/2006 22:07

Forget about it, let your DS invite the friend round and get on with life. Not worth worrying about in my opinion.

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bookends · 22/09/2006 22:14

boleyn...it hurts, it would be impossible to click with every mum, wouldn't it. I agree with flutterbee let your child dictate which friends they want. As she lives so close its best to keep relations on a civil level - it just makes it easier...for you. good luck.

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Boleyn · 22/09/2006 22:50

Thanks for all your messages. To Bookends and Flutterbee - at this age the request comes from the child but the parent asks the parent (personally or over the phone). I'm not sure I'm strong enough (or nice enough) to make ita neutral and friendly invite - I'm scared I'd but some barbed comment in which might feel good at the time but won't help anything.

One friend said that I should say something eg waht has DS (or me) done to offend or some such .......????

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NotQuiteCockney · 23/09/2006 08:40

But it sounds like you don't like her that much, anyway, tbh. No doubt your feelings are reciprocated, that's the way of these things.

I don't understand why you're so offended by her not wanting to be best mates, or not arranging to have your DS over - maybe her DD doesn't ask to have your DS over. Maybe, in their family, the mum initiates all the playdates.

She does sound oblivious at best, and rude at worst, but I doubt she's doing any of it to annoy you. If her DD is pleasant, and you're happy to have her over, have her over. If not, don't.

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Boleyn · 23/09/2006 09:35

Hi - I'm not offended by her not wanting to be friends at all. That's OK. But it goes against normal socail arrangements never to reciprocate playdates. I guess it is a bit like never ever buying a round in a pub but always accepting them.

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NotQuiteCockney · 23/09/2006 09:38

Yeah, it's not polite. Maybe she's just inept, rather than meaning to be rude?

Could you suggest a playdate the other way (e.g. by suggesting it to your son?).

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CarolinaMoon · 23/09/2006 10:20

not sure why your friend thinks you should ask this woman what's offended her, tbh. You two just don't get on, and maybe she was uncomfortable enough about that to end the sharing.

But it's unfair on the children if that gets in the way of their friendship. Can't you just ring up and invite the DD over in a neutral kind of way -explain that your ds has asked you to?

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