Just got that feeling

[polkadotsrock]

He's lying. I just know it but I have no idea what about. Small backstory - I did develop some trust issues shortly after having our second child after an omission from him regarding the company he was keeping. That was well over 6 months ago but I've had to try and keep myself in check a couple of times but this feels different. He's definitely lying. Or I'm definitely losing it! Not even a big deal- says he's having dinner and now a few drinks with workmates but he's away from home mon-fri at the moment so I've no idea if that's true. Would be a crazy lie though being that I could (but wouldn't) text one of their partners and see if they're at home. He's a very reliable, dependable guy normally - the omission was actually just an omission- no malice or juiciness. Weird. And probably nothing anyone can help with but writing if out helps to stop me texting him instead!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Let's call a spade a spade. This 'omission' was a lie and, however trivial it might have been, it has created an atmosphere of mistrust. 'Trust issues' makes it sound like some sort of irrational psychological problem personal to you. Living with someone you don't trust because their behaviour has caused you to doubt them is very rational, not internal & therefore quite different.

Someone who has broken your trust should be doing their level best to correct that. If you think he's lying or being secretive, tell him.

[polkadotsrock]

Thank you. I have done this morning, can't say it's gone down well. He thinks I should be over the previous event by now and it shouldn't be still affecting things this far down the line because it was so trivial. But what you've said has actually struck quite a chord and you're right, I was starting to feel like I was being irrational but I don't want to feel like this and it didn't come from nowhere. Thank you for some clarity.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

The 'Boy Who Cried Wolf' came to grief precisely because, even when he was telling the truth, no-one believed him. You can get over a trivial lie quite quickly but the feeling of mistrust left behind is exceptionally durable. Not irrational at all.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Telling you that you should be over the original incident is missing the point.

Suppose you suffer a mishap near a naked flame. Thereafter when in close proximity you wince or be extra alert, instinctively. It's what pain teaches us.

He might or might not be up to something but he's going the wrong way about setting your mind at ease. As for how trivial it was, when you caught him out in a falsehood you may have wondered why he would take the trouble to omit to mention something when the resulting upset made it a much bigger deal altogether. So not irrational at all.

[polkadotsrock]

The perfect analogy Donkeys, I may just use it myself.