how do you spot the MM?

[mylifeagain]

After reading a few of the threads tonight and after a conversation with someone on an OD site, what are the signs that you might be chatting with a MM?

I've not really thought about it before now and just assumed that I'd know (nieve *sp) but actually I don't think I would however saying that the one on the site tonight seemed a bit too obvious...upgraded profile but hidden, twin amongst other things...or have I just read too many threads on mumsnet?

Would love to hear your thoughts

[ZuluInJozi]

Reluctance to introduce you to friends and family but claims to be serious about the relationship
Never invites you to his house
Disappearing acts

[mylifeagain]

Thanks for the reply Zulu. Those would be things I think to watch out for a few dates in, what about at the initial chatting stage or the first meet? Any clues there? Apart from a ring of course!

[getthefeckouttahere]

insist that when chatting they give you a home phone number. Just be up front about it, its hardly news to anyone that OLD is full of married people. Its the most efficient way of weeding out married people, they will of course absolutely not give you it. Every woman who failed this simple request turned out to be married or with someone!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

LOL! I never give out my home number to anyone. I keep it for people I'm close to and someone I've just started dating only qualifies for the mobile (disposable) number. Not in a relationship...

[getthefeckouttahere]

And that cog is why we are never having a date. ;-)

[ProfessorPickles]

Probably not always an obvious one to tell if this is what they are doing but married men tend to have "set" times they can message you i.e. when family aren't around.
Most often for a bit early in the morning and a bit late at night!

[Tinks42]

You can't is the simple answer, like Cogito I wouldnt give out my home phone number and i don't expect it to be given to me. If you talk to someone for a rather long time then maybe if he's never on line at night would be a bit of a clue. I tend not to talk online for ages though. So you just have to go with the flow and it will become apparent. Like anything in life, you just have to let things unfold.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I don't do online dating but, if I did, I think I would be less confident in looking for 'signs' and more inclined to cross-reference some of the information they were giving me with things like Facebook or similar. Then again, if they did turn out to be married in spite of my checks, I really wouldn't blame myself at all.

[TheGirlFromIpanema]

I would never give out my home number when I was OLDing! For a start it doubles as my work at home office number - so no way would I give it to a complete stranger

Best thing to do is meet quickly, ask loads of questions in an I'm interested in your life way, and always keep your wits about you. No overlooking of 'odd' things or whatever.

[Stupidhead]

I met a guy on a night out and we got on great (snogging like fook). We'd meet for daytime coffees but no actual dates. We were friends on FB and I just couldn't work out whether he was into me or not. But he was asking my opinion on a 'friend' of his who was seeing a married woman. Bit of FB stalking and I found his wife...what a bastard.

If you're in any doubt then nip to the loo and FB stalk on your phone although you might look a bit bunny boiler!

[AndTheBandPlayedOn]

Admit I have not been in the dating world for a long while, knock on wood. But when I was, I would presume any man was married/unavailable and let it be proven that he wasn't; kind of approaching it from the other direction.

A bit cynical, but the policy kept me from falling for the (now) obvious lines of seduction, false agreeableness, etc, as well as provided a framework for behavior to keep my dignity. And when proof came that he was attached...no pain on my side because I was right, more than once sad to say.