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Husband fucking a 20 year old, introduced her to DC!

(32 Posts)
StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 17:03:22

This will be a rambling disjointed post due to furiousness!

H and I moved into separate houses 11 months ago, due to awful arguments affecting the DC, with the hope of reconciliation and a load of marriage counselling. He said he wasn't going to see anyone else but I could if I needed to sort my head out. I haven't dated or been with anyone in this time.

FF to this weekend, H wanted to borrow my car, he picked the kids up and I told him my weekend plans, we had tickets to an ice hockey match and I needed the car back at 5. He didn't turn answered my text with "piss off we're out". Arse hole.

DC came home the next day, I asked what they did on Saturday and DS told me he wasn't allowed to say! Came out that they spent the day with daddy's friend. A bit upset that he'd told them to lie to me, I confronted him. He told me not to be so stupid, that she's their babysitter. DC told me they spent the day together and then she spent the night! H told me that her boyfriend picked her up after dinner. He's since changed his story and now she came back at 10pm with her boyfriend, they had a few beers crashed on the floor and they both left before the kids got up. DC told me she was there for breakfast and they spent yesterday together too. H told me that they bumped into each other in a cafe,whilst she waited for her boyfriend so he invited her around for dinner - she then ditched her boyfriend for dinner with my H and DC hmm

I am beyond furious that he didn't tell me about their new mum babysitter!

He's lying isn't he? Why is he lying? I've told him if he wants to move on then he has my blessing but I'd rather have had some warning that he was no longer interested in saving the marriage and before he introduced someone to the DC.

He's 40, he has a daughter one year younger than her.

kaykayblue Mon 01-Sep-14 17:07:03

Urgh, how fucking VILE.

Yes, he is quite clearly lying. From the mouth of babes....generally comes the truth with stuff like this as they are so innocent they don't know what shit they should gloss over.

I would tell your "D"H in no uncertain terms that you think he is a lying prick of the highest order, and if he wants to fuck around with someone young enough to be his daughter, then that's his business. But he does NOT tell YOUR children to cover for him and his sordid affairs.

mummytime Mon 01-Sep-14 17:21:31

I would point out in writing that lying to you and expecting your children to lie to you is unacceptable. That it is crucial for their safety that they know they can and should be truthful to you.

I would also get a lawyer involved and proceed with divorce. Get contact formalised, and do no more "favours" for him.

He's lying because he wants all the control, he wants the chance to do what he wants but still leave all his options open.

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 17:23:22

I could kill him.

He barely sees the DC, not sure why he needs a "babysitter" for when he is actually with them.

Why do they continue lying? He's been going around in circles with his stories, he's knows he's been caught out. He's going to drag it out until the bitter end isn't he. confused

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 17:24:17

Really sorry for awful grammar! Angry typing angry

thatthingonyournose Mon 01-Sep-14 17:33:13

I am so glad you're angry. That is exactly the kind of emotion you should be having. I know it's hard not to rant and rave at him at the moment, but I really think cold anger is the best for this particular situation. Icy, uncontactable, talking to a solicitor, condescending, conclusion has been reached anger.

You will affect him most by closing down all the other options he thought he had.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Mon 01-Sep-14 17:45:23

I'd have reported my car stolen immediately upon receipt of the "piss off we're out" text.

No more car borrowing, he can use his own bloody car if he has one.

Still, it's all a blessing in disguise: you've seen him for the cunt he actually is now. And you don't have to waste any more of your precious time on marriage counselling.

He's revealed himself to be a very bad liar as well as a cunt. Makes detaching yourself from him so very much easier.

Rebecca2014 Mon 01-Sep-14 17:49:40

At least you know the truth now and can stop being his back up plan! Oh yeah don't let him borrow your car again either.

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 17:54:46

I'm not sure how easy I'm going to find moving on if he doesn't admit to anything. It's the mind fuck that's annoying me the most angry

morethanpotatoprints Mon 01-Sep-14 18:03:37

Hello OP, he doesn't have to admit it because you know what he has done.
I would seek legal advice, stop contact until it is sorted out.
Having your child round people who crash out drunk at night is not safe, so if this is an untruth of his it will bite him on the bum.
Stop doing him favours and keep any contact to yes/no answers if you can.
He sounds like a right flesh creep, and his dd won't want to know her new step mum is only a year older than herself.

Bisou88 Mon 01-Sep-14 18:26:54

Im so sorry OP, men can be total wankers sad

Its extremely obvious that he is lying, and what an arse for thinking so low of you that he expects you to believe the tripe he is spewing. I wouldnt expect his new friend to stick around for long.. You will be your childrens stability, not him, they will have nothing to thank him for when they are grown...

Give yourself some time to let this sink in, but as other people have said, make him aware that he is a complete fool for thinking he could get your children to lie to you. I wouldnt engage in any cheap chat with the prick. Keep it to a minimum and to the point.

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 18:45:02

So we definitely think he's lying <doubts self> blush

Summerbreezer Mon 01-Sep-14 18:52:44

Of course he is! And even if he is not - look at what you do know. He has asked your children to keep secrets from you. Your own children. Do you want to be with a man who who is capable of that?

Bisou88 Mon 01-Sep-14 18:53:42

I think you want it to not be true, but you wouldnt be doubting yourself if you knew this as fact...

And what if, on the miracle off chance, that he wasnt lying, does it make it any better? That hes hanging around with a 20 year old girl, when he should be spending quality time with your DC, then telling them to lie to you?

Im sorry, it must be so painful for you right now, but clinging onto false hope will not make the situation any easier. flowers

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 18:58:46

Yes deep down I know.

What a fucking tool.

This is his 2nd marriage, 2 children with his first wife that he didn't see for years and years. Fuck knows what I was thinking settling down with such a flake. All his friends and family said we were the making of him, he'd fucked up once but our DC had turned him into a man.

He looks fabulous on paper, great job, lovely family, nice and polite to everyone he meets.

sad

misselphaba Mon 01-Sep-14 19:05:24

Asking the children to lie is particularly cruel. Unforgivable actually.

I understand where you're coming from in your last post about finding it hard to move on without the truth. I can advise making up your mind for yourself quickly and decisively, whatever you decide and don't torture yourself asking him one last time to find out once and for all. If you believe him, then you need to trust him and if you don't believe him, he can't be relied upon to give you the truth anyway.

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 19:07:08

I may have already asked once or 29 times to tell me the truth! OK I won't do that again.

scottishmummy Mon 01-Sep-14 19:09:56

Well there you have it.you move on,see a solicitor,get the legal stuff sorted
Let him date whomever don't get embroiled in it.be dignified

StaringBlankly Mon 01-Sep-14 19:43:22

But he's an arse. An arse with a significant pension package and gratuity. He's going to fuck off into the distance with his girlfriend and fuck the rest of us, he's going to fight tooth and nail to protect his money.

AnyFucker Mon 01-Sep-14 19:46:59

This is the point where you go get yourself a divorce lawyer who has experience of these dick-led twonks trying to safeguard all their assets.

scottishmummy Mon 01-Sep-14 20:00:30

Of course he'll fight to protect his finances,and you do like wise

myfriendflickadee Mon 01-Sep-14 20:00:49

Why don't you ask your DCs how often daddy's "friend" babysits for them, what she does with them, where daddy goes or what he is doing when she is looking after them, has she ever baby sat for them before, is daddy there when she is babysitting? That way you will have a better idea whether she is a "friend" or "babysitter" or mistress.

scottishmummy Mon 01-Sep-14 20:02:33

No don't drag kids into your adult marital detritus it's unfair.keep composed

Bisou88 Mon 01-Sep-14 20:06:30

Id be wary about grilling the DC... They'd be more likely to clam up if they think theyd get the third degree every time they came home.

Mrsfullhouse Mon 01-Sep-14 20:25:02

Op, I had pretty much this exact scenario with my exdh, father to my dd1. Daddy's friend staying over to help him with the housework (daddy's. Friend was a twenty one year old with legs up to her armpits and nails like a over excited eagle who had clearly never done a days housework in her life).
Ex had dd1 lying to me and him winding me round his little finger with spurious tales of 'when we're a family again...' all the while, hiding joint assets and devaluing his business so I was left with nothing.
So... Fast forward 5 years and I am currently lying in the bath with a huge swollen tummy waiting for the arrival of Ds2 whilst my fabulous husband is downstairs doing the washing.
My point is...
You can move on, you will move on, and it will be worth it.
My ex is now a distant memory who, by all accounts has lost the respect of my Dd1 (she is only 9) for being a total flake and it seems he spends his spare time and spare money on silly little trollops with an increasing age gap to go with his increasing waist line.

Cut the dickweed loose. Do no favours and communicate only in writing so a divorce lawyer and fully quantify what a slimy self gratifying prick he is.

I wish you the best of luck, you clearly deserve so much better x

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