Have namechanged as I've got RL friends on here, and I'm not ready to talk about it openly yet. I have used this name recently though to comment on someone else's thread.
Me and DH have been together for nearly 10 years, married for 6. 4 yo DD and I'm 24 weeks pregnant. Recently, I've been unhappy but I don't know if I've got the energy to fix it.
A few months after we got married, I found some messages between him and an ex (female) colleague, that were on the wrong side of friendly. Quite flirty, not overtly sexual, but definitely inappropriate. We rowed, he made his excuses, and hasn't been in touch since. I trusted him not to do it again.
Until now. Different woman though. They met online through a photography website (his hobby). He's always involved me with the online community. Some of them are reasonably local and have become good friends. Others are abroad, and I'm friends with them on Facebook too.
I've found a FB conversation between the two of them, going back years. The woman in question is American, so I know there's nothing actually physical going on. But the messages he's been sending are definitely bordering on it - worst one was she's wearing a dress with no knickers, he says so I could get you naked in one fell swoop. She didn't reply to that, so I think it's mostly driven by him. She normally seems to cut the conversation short by saying her kids, husband or business partner have just come in the room. I think she's being polite, but she's definitely done nothing explicit to discourage him.
I've taken screen shots of the more recent messages. They've mentioned catching up on Skype, so I know I'm not seeing the full picture.
I've written an email to them both, but I haven't sent it yet. I don't trust myself to talk to him. I need to keep my shit together to have the conversation, and I don't trust myself not to cry or scream at him. And I don't know if it's a good idea to pull her up on it or not. I don't hold her in anyway responsible - it's his decision to betray me, not hers - but I want her to see that by deciding not to tell him to stop, she's involved herself in my marriage, and that if my marriage ends because of this then she gets to see the part she has played in that.
I don't know if I want to save this, but I don't want to separate either. I can't bear the thought of not seeing my DD open her presents every Christmas morning, and I don't want either of my children to spend their life split between two homes. What the fuck do I do??
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can't believe I'm considering this. Please hold my hand and talk me out of it?
HavingAGoodThink · 29/08/2014 20:22
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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