Apologies if this is long but here goes,
Ds1 was born 8 years ago, I had a v bad labour third degree tears cut stitches infections transfusions hemorages etc etc five day stop in hospital, I was 250 miles from family with very few friends, my mum begged me to come down to the hospital I needed her, I wanted her there but refused to let her come down and see me like that besides which xh had put his foot down, his mother wanted to see the baby first, which would be two weeks, ds was born at 2.37 am, I had to get the m.w to ring him at noon the following day as he still hadn't bothered his ass to come back and see his new born son. He wasn't there when ds needed a blood rest doing, he wasn't there when the doctors were telling me about him being jaundice and needing the box which to be fair as a new mum only 23 I felt a complete failure and in essence spent pretty much five days alone in an isolation room with just my newborn baby and the odd m.w xh visited 'as often as he could' approx 2 hours morning and three evening at a push.
Fast forward a week, and I relented many more tears from my mum and me they came to see us on Rhee Friday c&h was annoyed and they were told by him under no circs they were to stop in our house or to tell his mother they had seen the baby first. Neither I or mum will forgive c&h for wrecking the first grandchild experience for them, I still feel guilty that I allowed him.
Anyhow his mother came down the next w.e baby was taken from me, only returned for feeding, it became 'my baby' as in mil's the fuss was who would push ds in his new pram around town not oh let's not go to the pub for 6 hours as ds needs feeding and I was v uncomfortable with bf in public, ds didn't feed well, I leaked more than cow and gate it wasn't good.
I admit to being a bit pfb however in my defence I believed it was the only way to protect me son at eh time. I have grown up and matured since. I distinctly remember feeding ds, who was roughly every two hours then him crying while we were at the table, he was two weeks old, and I was told 'he's not hungry' I should have trusted my instincts and fed my son, instead I waited a few minutes before seeing to him. Again this was xh and mil. Both v controlling and manipulative. Neither mil or fil did anything to help when they visited I did it all, xh stopped in bed and pretty much did the whole time ds was there until noon or later every day he wasn't working.
Fast forward to now. Xh and his partner have just had a ds. Nothing overly against his partner don't really have much to do with her, accept xh will not go anywhere without her, literally. She stops in the car during collections. I can see it being the same now the baby is here, they live a three hour round trip away. Anyhow today I took dis to their house to see new baby. No issues there. I ask when ds will be visited again, and am told next sat prob just eh day as partner is feeding baby every thirty mins to three hours, erm, yes that's what baby's do.
Also states that dis couldn't stop longer with him today as he needs to drive his mother and father to the hotel where they are staying. Apparently they're not allowed to stop at their house.
I'm struggling really at how ds's was in comparison. Was I really that bad? Am I really such a bad mum, or is the partner so fantastic that everyone bends over backwards?!?
Fwiw I have another son with my dp, and am expecting our second, his mum will come down again when bubs is a few days old and stop at my parents house, however will be over from 7-7, I have no issues at all as she's a mummy mum if that makes sense? She will stock my freezers, do the washing cleaning whatever needs doing with the cuddles as and when I'm not feeding or involved with the child. It's completely different.
Not sure if it's just where I was young and niece/immature, or xh was just overbearing as was XMil.
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Help me reconcile this, xh xmil And ds1
Davidtennantmistress · 24/08/2014 19:05
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