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Great...another prick. Gutted.

(70 Posts)
HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 24-Aug-14 17:06:07

Met this guy through work, though we don't work for the same organisation. Been in professional contact with him for a couple of months now.

About a month ago we started texting and things got flirty! He said he really liked me, etc. and we got on so well. Anyway, we slept together on Friday. It was fantastic and I've really started to like this guy.

Was speaking to my friend about him and she asked to see a pic. I didn't have any so she suggested Facebooking him. I did but his profile was mostly private. There was a picture of a woman, however, and she was tagged in it. I clicked on her profile and lo and behold, it appears he is married, with a son about 5/6 and his wife is roughly 6 months pregnant.

I feel absolutely gutted. I genuinely liked this guy. And look, he's a knob. I've got to see him through work still.

I text and told him I was disappointed and upset to find out he had a family and that his wife is expecting. He replied and said he was sorry but he really liked me. confused

I didn't reply but felt like saying 'erm, so?! you have a family you plank!'

God, I'm still so young. But I'm so jaded. sad

Pinkfrocks Sun 24-Aug-14 17:10:02

How old are you?

Sorry that this has been the outcome but the only 'advice' I can offer is do a bit more research and get to know a man a bit better before you have sex. It sounds as if you went straight from flirty texts to full sex with not much in between.

Nothing wrong with that per se but it does increase the chances of having sex with men who are just players- and married at that.

Frogisatwat Sun 24-Aug-14 17:30:16

Flirty texts prior to dating tend to set the tone of the relationship. As pink says next time do your research. If you are looking for a long term relationship and all you are getting is flirty (dirty?) texts then it shows what is in his mind!
I actually get pissed off with flirty crap now but it does sort the wheat from the chaff.
However this is not your fault. He is a prick and a cheating one at that

Pinkfrocks Sun 24-Aug-14 17:32:14

My other advice is to search FB and sites like 192.com ( edited electoral roll - can be out of date, mind)to see who else shares the home.

Frogisatwat Sun 24-Aug-14 17:33:16

Oh and hard as it may be hold your head high at work. You are single and did nothing wrong
You sound mature enough not to go for a repeat performance if he spins you bullshit

Sallyingforth Sun 24-Aug-14 17:41:47

Happy it's important to remember that you did nothing wrong and have nothing whatever to reproach yourself about.

If he comes on to you again just warn him that you could tell his wife.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 24-Aug-14 17:45:05

It might not be "another prick", it could be a case of "another poor decision". Most men with a young child at home generally get back home after work to eat dinner, do baths and read stories, and are often not available at the weekends for obvious reasons. Unless you had a quickie in the car-park after work on Friday!

Most proper relationships with men who are unattached entail progressing from flirty texts to actual, pre-arranged dates before the sex is even on the far horizon. Maybe even visiting their home for an intimate dinner a deux. Try it sometime.

BolshierAyraStark Sun 24-Aug-14 18:00:39

Bit harsh Bitter , OP fucked up-don't we all?

Chalk it up to experience & do your homework next time OP.

LadyLuck10 Sun 24-Aug-14 18:03:49

Hopefully next time you will wait a bit longer and make better decisions.

DeckSwabber Sun 24-Aug-14 18:05:58

So its a woman's job to check if a man is married before she has sex with him? hmm.

OP, he's a dick. Hope you find someone lovely next time.

pictish Sun 24-Aug-14 18:08:03

Hopefully next time you will wait a bit longer and make better decisions.

Eh?

Tinytillytot Sun 24-Aug-14 18:12:05

That's shit OP, sorry to hear that you've been lied to and duped by a cheating scumbag. But even worse, I'm sorry that you've then been shredded on mumsnet by a couple of the sisterhood who are blaming you for "jumping into bed with a guy (after a month) and not realising that as you hadn't seen each other at the weekend he must have been married!!" You whore! Sort it out ladies!

pictish Sun 24-Aug-14 18:14:08

Only on mumsnet.
Gah.

Iwasinamandbunit Sun 24-Aug-14 18:14:36

You have done nothing wrong op, he is the snake in the grass.

Cabrinha Sun 24-Aug-14 18:14:55

Bitter, that's a bit mean? I think most of us assume that people that sleep with us are single - especially if it's a work rather than a nightclub type introduction.

I went from meet to text to sex inside 48 hours with my now bf of nearly a year. It's quite rare I think to have the OP's situation. Fortunately! It's unfortunate, but certainly not her fault!

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 24-Aug-14 18:19:09

Well, not only do I feel shit about myself for sleeping with a married man (who I actually liked and had spent a month getting to know!!) I now feel shit because apparently I'm a slag and it serves me right for jumping into bed with him. hmm

Do my research?! WTF? I've never facebooked a guy before. Do people do that as norm now?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Sun 24-Aug-14 18:20:57

All of you slut shaming the OP for having sex with him and blaming her for him being married can fuck off.
Yes he's a prick, no you aren't to blame. Sorry he took advantage of you.

DearPrudence Sun 24-Aug-14 18:22:40

What Ehric said.

It's not you, it's him.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sun 24-Aug-14 18:23:32

I've been duped in the past precisely the way the OP has been except I was strung along for months before finding out. Since then I've been much more cautious before having sex with a man or committing myself. Like visiting his home, meeting his friends, stuff like that. Since Facebook came along it's been a hundred times easier to prevent becoming entangled with a married arsehole looking for a quick shag on the quiet.

Roseflowers Sun 24-Aug-14 18:27:03

Wow, OP please ignore the judgemental arses here, a month is a perfectly decent amount of time to get to know/ like someone! Why on earth should we assume that we 'have to do our research' before dating someone or, (heaven forfend!) having sex with them?

Happy you've done nothing wrong, it's a horrible shame that this guy turned out to be a dickhead. You'll fine a decent one eventually!

CatKisser Sun 24-Aug-14 18:27:08

Fucks sake.
Ignore the slut shaming idiots.
He's the slimy bastard who not only cheated on his pregnant wife but by the sounds of it would be up for round two.
He was a wrong un. Not all of them are.

He's a twunt. A cockwombling frot ferret as someone said on another thread. OP, you are NOT a slag. Because there is no such bloody thing.

I started a thread in FWR about consent and the general feeling is that it is wrong to sleep with someone whilst withholding information which would make them refuse to sleep with you. That's exactly what he did. Revolting arse. Do your homework next time, to reassure yourself. Not because it's your job.

todayisnottheday Sun 24-Aug-14 18:28:46

grin gotta love Mumsnet, all those threads about feminism and the how disgusting to live in a patriarchy brainwashing everyone so everything is the women's fault and then this. ... "married man lies repeatedly to get me into bed" "you slapper (clutches pearls)" hmm

Op you did nothing wrong, sorry you were suckered. Some people have no shame or morals. Hope you can shake it off, not all relationships are like this I'm told

Oh and apparently stalking potential partners online is seen as normal behaviour these days. I still think it's a weird thing to do myself though grin

HappyGoLuckyGirl Sun 24-Aug-14 18:30:37

Thanks to all the reasonable posters. Didn't know it was a woman's job to research a guy before sleeping with him. I'll hire a private detective next time. grin

Just feel a bit shit as he's the first guy I've genuinely liked since I met my ex. Over 5 years ago.

BakerStreetSaxRift Sun 24-Aug-14 18:30:48

OP, you did nothing wrong. There are some seriously strange folk on this thread hmm

He is a scumbag cheating prick. His poor wife, and poor you.

You shouldn't have to check out on 192.com or Facebook whether the person you are dating has a wife and family. It should be safe to assume they don't!

Talk about victim-blaming! Only on MN...

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