I can't stand DDs dad - my DP

[givemeareason]

Ok I'm probably going to make myself sound awful here but I just can't bear being around him.

I got pregnant after a year of dating. Unplanned but I can't imagine life without my daughter now.

DD is nearly a year old, and I have got to the point where I just can't bear being in the same room as my 'D'P.

He is smug, judgemental, point scoring, hyper and just bloody annoying. I'm turning into a miserable bag as I'm so unhappy being around him.

I wanted to make things work for DDs sake but I can't take it anymore.

Sorry just needed to get that off my chest.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

It's not obligatory to stay with him because you have a child. It doesn't sound like you have a hope of a happy relationship so better to end it before your DD gets much older.

[Lweji]

Better happy separated than miserable together. Even for the children.

[YourHandInMyHand]

Having read your previous thread I think you need to start planning how to extricate this cocklodger of a man from your life.

Life is too short to be unhappy, and your DD will pick up on the atmosphere and his lack of respect for you.

[AnyFucker]

End the relationship then. It is that simple, really.

[inneedofsomeclarity]

My husband left about an hour ago after we split up 3 weeks ago and the relief is immense. By the end, I really didn't like him at all and wish we had split up years ago. If you don't like him, don't waste your life waiting for it to get better-go and be happy with your DD. Good luck.

[AttentionSeekingFantasist]

End it. And don't buy that house together.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

DO NOT SINK YOUR VERY SUBSTANTIAL DEPOSIT ON BUYING A PROPERTY WITH THIS ARSEHOLE!

If you think he's smug now, that will be nothing compared to how he will be when he's got his talons into your money. And it will cost you time, money and stress in getting shot of him afterwards.

You do not need any "convincing" reasons (well, any that will convince him at any rate) to end the relationship. You just need to want to end it.

What's stopping you packing a bag and leaving this afternoon?

[petalsandstars]

It will get worse - unless you take steps to end the relationship and make a happy home for yourself and DD. Do it for her if not yourself.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Definitely end it. It's not compulsory to stay together just because you accidentally had a child with someone. Children really don't thrive in families where everyone is miserable. Everyone makes mistakes but sticking with a mistake 'for the sake of the children' is a poor decision. You'll probably be better parents separately than together.

[givemeareason]

Yes you're right - and no I definitely won't be buying a house with him. I've already started alternative arrangements there.

I know it would be for the best to end it now, and DD is young enough for it not to effect her I think, it's just hard. He goes into meltdown mode every time I try to have a conversation about anything serious - money, splitting up - anything he doesn't want to hear. I have tried to talk to him and tell him how I don't think things are working out for us but he won't believe it. Says I'm nuts, or it's my hormones, or whatever.

I know what I have to do, it's just going to be very hard to do it.

[givemeareason]

Hmm just read that back. I sound pathetic!

[RandomMess]

Blimey don't bother discussing it then, sort out your new accommodation and move out.

[Fairenuff]

What's your housing situation atm?

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Of course you don't sound pathetic. Making life-changing decisions is often very hard indeed.

His meltdowns and saying you're nuts or hormonal are desperate attempts to deflect you from what he knows you want to do. Stop listening to him and start listening to yourself.

You don't need to explain, and you don't need to forewarn. Wait until he's gone to work on Tuesday and just pack your stuff and go.

Fuck him and the horse he rode in on!

[Frogisatwat]

Just buy your little cottage and when thats all in motion you can tell him you are leaving
will you be safe to do that? There is no point in having a discussion with him as he just stomps his feet and feigns illness

[AttentionSeekingFantasist]

Not in the least pathetic. But as PP said, you might find it easier to act first and tell him afterwards.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You don't need anyone's permission to end the relationship. If you've tried the mature approach of a conversation and he's choosing not to take you seriously then you're not left with many options. If 'meltdown mode' means anything aggressive including intimidation, threats to self-harm or take DD, attempts to bar your way etc then please make sure you stay safe.

[Finola1step]

If he can't discuss anything with you, then don't try. Put it in writing (email or through solicitor so you have the paper trail). Make your decisions, act upon them and tell him.

Move out now while your dd is too young to understand what a horrible situation you are in.

[douchbag]

R u the lady with the 200k that u saved and saved and he would be outing zero into the house?

[YourHandInMyHand]

Am I right in thinking you are renting at the moment OP?

Whose names are on the tenancy and when does it end?

[givemeareason]

Yes that's me.

We are renting. It's just my name on the tenancy.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Are you still in the fixed-term of your AST or have you gone on a rolling periodic tenancy?

[Freebirdy]

I agree with pp. Just get out, don't discuss it with him. You're the one in control here. He might start vomiting blood or something but at least you won't be around to see it.

[YourHandInMyHand]

What BitterAndOnly asked. If your set tenancy expired and you are on a rolling contract you can just give the landlord notice and move out. On his salary he can find something himself to rent.

What are your plans OP would you like him to move out? Would you like to move out? The idea of you buying somewhere nice for you and your DD at some point with your hard earned savings is a lovely one.

Did you ever find out where all his money goes?? Does he get bank statements in the post? Makes no odds to you leaving but he's been on to a right winner and I'm very curious as to what he's doing financially.

[givemeareason]

He showed himself up for what he really is today. I absolutely know I need him to leave. He tried to fight back, tell me I'm nuts, it's all my fault blah blah blah.

We went into town today for a change of scenery. I was trying to make the effort with him as for some bizarre reason I felt I owed it to him.

After a sit down and a drink, we walked out of the coffee shop, me in front with the pram. Then I hear him shout in a rude, aggressive manner, why are you bloody sitting in the bloody doorway. I turned around and he was shouting at 3 elderly people who were minding their own business and not in anybody's way at all.

I can't explain it too well, but I was so horrified by his behaviour. I am as sure as I ever will be that he has to go.

I asked him what the hell he was playing at (after I apologised to the people at the coffee shop) and he said well what do you expect you have wound me up and stressed me out so much.

I hate him. I truly hate him. He is disgusting.