Is this a normal reaction?

[mermaid101]

This is about my mother who I have posted a bit about before. I think she has narrassistic traits and is certainly " difficult".

I had a baby four weeks ago and I also have a DD who is almost three. My mum has been very helpful and had been here most days helping with the children and housework.

However, she has been generally quite critical. A few days ago my DD was eating some sweets. My husband jokingly tried to take one from her and she wouldn't give him one. My mum then asked for one and she wouldn't give one. My husband and I did tell her off but didn't make a big deal of it.

My mum went home half an hour later, clearly in a very bad mood and cancelled coming the next day as previously arranged. I thought this was because she had had some bad news a few days before and was feeling out of sorts.

However, today she took my husband aside and told him she was "extremely hurt" by DD's behaviour. My husband tried to brush it off and said how young dd is. My mum was still really annoyed.

I have a troubled relationship with my mum, so I find it hard to know what is normal.

Is this normal behaviour and if not, how would people suggest I tackle it? If at all.

Thanks

[Fruityflapjack]

I would say no pt normal, at all. However for someone with narcissism, probable totally normal.

How to handle it? What do you normally do? Does that work? Can you apply the same management strategy?

Narcissistic people are ever so difficult. Normal rules don't apply really do they? . Poor you having to deal with this on top of having a new baby

[MsAstronaut]

No, I don't think that's normal, but it is quite narcissistic - taking perfectly normal 3yo behaviour personally, and using it to create a drama around herself. Almost-3yos are naturally quite self-centred, and while you might want to gently point her in the right direction, it is ridiculous to go off on one and be "hurt".

I wonder if as she has been helping you and you're the new mum and centre of attention, she's feeling a need to drag the attention towards her.

How to handle it? - well you have a 3yo so you're probably used to a few tantrums. Ignore, rise above, engage with her when she's prepared to act reasonably. Don't make a fuss about it, she's trying to engender a fuss.

[coppertop]

So essentially your mum sulked because she couldn't take a sweet from a 3yr-old.

That's not a normal reaction. I would leave her to her sulking and ignore the attention-seeking behaviour. If she wants to act like a small child, treat her like one.

[mermaid101]

Thanks for these. Very reassuring. I thought it was a very extreme reaction. Surely most normal people would have just laughed it off?

My DH really just dealt with it this time. He was completely incredulous though. He's quite good at being quite light and humorous and playing things down. I tend to either over or under react, so it was probably better that she didn't say anything to me. He suggests just leaving it. I do feel quite unsettled though. My mum was so annoyed about it and obviously thought she was completely in the right. I'm not sure that's a great way to be if you're going to be looking after said three year old.

[CarryOnDancing]

Even if it was terribly naughty behaviour (which it isn't), your DD is three? What is your DM claiming time so upset about exactly? Which part hurts so much she can't see your child as planned?

This isn't normal at all and I agree with the others, ignore until she demonstrates better behaviour.

I wouldn't let this woman be unsupervised with my child again though. She obviously has a different agenda here!

Congrats on your new addition to the family! Just concentrate on your new little family now and decline help that you feel isn't genuine.