sex after childbirth - erk

[wellthatwaspainful]

NC, obviously... Anyway just attempted first time since ds born four weeks ago, and wondering if there's anything I could try to make it feel less like DP has coated his bits in a thousand miniature razor blades?

Was very much looking forward to it, but things came to a grinding halt halfway . I think I'm just looking for reassurance that it's just too soon and will hurt less at some point? I had a small episiotomy but that's healed really well, and not to put too fine a point on it have been gagging for it since about day 3 .

Worst case scenario - does the pain have to be teeth-gritted through, or is there a point after long enough it might not hurt at all? Because that was diabolical...

[Annarose2014]

Did you use any lubrication?

[Spinaroo]

Personally, I would wait until your six week check. You say it has healed well but there will perhaps be some internal sutures you can't obviously see

[LIttleMissTickles]

Honestly, use LOADS of lubrication, even if you never did before. If you're BFing, keep using lube (won't need so much after the first few times). Don't give up yet!

[Granville72]

Wait until you 6 week check and give your body time to heel and the bruising to go.

There is no rush to go 'all the way'. Relax and enjoy other aspects of being intimate without having full penetrative sex.

[AMumInScotland]

Fingers. Yours or his. Even thought the episiotomy has healed, scar tissue is 'tight' and this won't be helping, so you need to ease everything back out till it gets used to the idea again.

[Imnotaslimjim]

I had this. I had 22 stitches in a 2nd degree tear, but what hurt the most was the graze on the other side. Apparently they take much longer to heal

For us it was patience, hands only for a couple of weeks and lots of lube when we were ready to try again

[ArlingtonStringhamm]

Took me three months to have non painful sex after a normal vaginal birth with just "grazing" so I'm not surprised! Give it some more time, you will be back to normal soon I'm sure!

[AntiDistinctlyMintyMunty]

I wouldn't worry just yet. I had a second degree tear, lots of stitches and a graze on the other side - it all healed badly and sex was very painful at 8 weeks, and much much better at 3 months. DD is 4 months today and when we get time to do it again I'm such it'll be better still.

If it's still causing problems in 4-6 weeks I'd pop back to the GP.

[AntiDistinctlyMintyMunty]

Oh, and lube is your friend

[Fairylea]

After 4 weeks and an episiotomy? ! Are you mad? Seriously wait till at least 6 weeks and then go very, very slowly with tons of lube.

I had an episiotomy with my first dd and I didn't enjoy or want sex for about 6 months afterwards. There is no rush.

With my second child (who was an elective section) we waited about 8 weeks. I was just too absolutely shattered to even think about it.

[Bolshybookworm]

Try not to worry about it, 4 weeks is still early days (don't think I tried for about 3 months after a 2nd degree tear- I was petrified!). I found that the first few times were a bit sore but that it got better as the healing continued and the scar tissue stretched.
If it continues to be painful without improvement, pop back to your gp and get them to look at your scar and refer you. First time round I had some granulomatous scar tissue (causing some soreness) which was easily removed by a gynae in an outpatient clinic (using silver nitrate and anaesthetic gel- took all of 5 minutes).

[Bolshybookworm]

Meant to say that since the scar tissue was removed, she has been painfree.

[LiDLrichardsPistachioSack]

4 weeks?!? I mean everyone's different and all that but Jesus woman! I had an episiotomy and small tear and I couldn't even bear to look at my vag after 4 weeks, much less have someone venturing up there! It took several attempts but I'd say at about 7 months it was completely pain-free. These days (nearly a year after birth) it still feels pretty tight but it's waaaay more enjoyable. No one tells you this stuff, it sucks but there you go. Good luck!

[magicalmrmistofelees]

We waited until 6 weeks and it was so hideous that we didn't try again til 5 months! It was million tones better than, pretty much back to normal. 4 weeks is not a long time to recover from pretty major trauma. Maybe wait a few weeks and try again with plenty of lube .

[Fairylea]

It's worth bearing in mind that if you get your ears pierced they take at least 6 weeks to heal before you take the original earrings out and replace them with new ones. And even then it a bit sore.

Your vagina is a hell of a lot more sensitive than your ears. Why would you want to do anything before 6 weeks if you have any kind of sore area down there?

I always think it's a bit of a shame how quickly people try to get back into the swing of things when their body hasn't even repaired itself. It makes me shudder at the thought !

[ChickOnaMission]

4 weeks!! Good grief woman! What everyone else said about lube/fingers etc, but I waited 6 months, and the first few times were still sore...

Second DC I had 2nd degree tear, good god my piles hadn't even gone away after 4 weeks, (sorry TMI) let alone my poor ruined vagina healed!

Take it easy!! Oral?

[whatisforteamum]

yes it definately gets better,i was surprised to feel like i was being cut again whenever we had sex,just get your partner to take it slowly.you are not alone im pretty sure we had sex soon after the birth of our DD.How do people know they have a second degree tear? I had an emergency episiotomy and about 22 stitches ( i was counting as they were done) and quite a raised bit of scar tissue inside but i was fobbed off when i asked when it would heal and worried i would stay like that (it didnt) :)

[magicalmrmistofelees]

Whatis I was told my tear was second degree (no episiotomy). I was lucky in that it healed really well, but still childbirth itself is a massive trauma to the area!

[FrontierPsychiatrist]

If you want to, go for it. It does get better and easier. The first time, or the first few times might sting a bit, or more than a bit, but my midwives always told me that sex is the best massage for the perineum and improves blood flow and this healing. Go for it. Lots of lube, and possibly a glass of wine (timed around breastfeeding - let's face it, a few sips will probably do the trick).

Every woman to their own. No pressure to rush back, no pressure to wait.

It does get better. In fact, it often goes completely back to normal. Don't worry.

[Lovelydiscusfish]

I agree with pps, would wait for 6 week check, and explore enjoyable alternatives if you are up for it?
I believe from previous reading that it can take up to a year for it to feel normal again, but that is total worst case scenario, so I wouldn't worry unduly.
Congrats on your baby and good luck!

[wellthatwaspainful]

Thanks everyone. I did wonder if it was a bit soon but thought worth a shot since we both felt like it - didn't realise you were meant to wait for the six week check. I'm just irrationally terrified it won't go back to normal, but yes, probably more time, more lube, and a judicious quantity of alcohol will do the trick...