Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help me NOT send this text!

(184 Posts)
HelpMeSitOnMyHands Tue 19-Aug-14 16:36:50

Cherchez l'homme. Of course, it's about a man.

I met him April, we got to know each other slowly. I realised I liked him, and that he was a patient, good humoured, clever, creative person, who cared about thinngs. We tentatively discovered we both liked each other. We have been on two dates, that's all, but they were a full week apart because I was away in between. He was supposed to be coming over to my house later, and I sent a text to suggest a time. I realise I haven't heard from him since early monday morning. Just after midnight Sunday I mean. Now I'm sitting on my hands. I'm quite mumsnet savvy. I recognise the red flags. I recognise a player and a narc. I thought this guy was lovely. He seemed to like me back. We were actually chatting (and I know you can't count on beer-talk) about the near future iyswim.

Help me not to send a sarky "?" by text now. My house is clean on the plus side. I'm going to go and get a bottle of wine, for mySELF. Whether he comes or not.

lunatuna Tue 19-Aug-14 16:39:31

I would want to know either way, so I woukd text to say i'd been asked out to cinema by a mate or something, so need to know if he is still coming... Not what you wanted sorry! It qould piss me off waiting...

IrenetheQuaint Tue 19-Aug-14 16:39:34

Don't send the text! Some people are just a bit crap with electronic communication. He may think it's a done deal and there's nothing more to discuss.

Fudgeface123 Tue 19-Aug-14 16:40:39

You've made contact, it's down to him to respond. DO NOT SEND THIS TEXT!!!!

HelpMeSitOnMyHands Tue 19-Aug-14 16:43:30

Thanks Fudgeface.

We will be seeing each other (through work) on Friday and I can't imagine that he would do something so stupid as to just pull the 'let her figure it out slowly' chestnut. I'm not able for these passions! I prefer being on an even keel I think.

MairzyDoats Tue 19-Aug-14 16:43:37

Don't send it. Dignity above all. Also, once you've sent it you've no longer got it in your arsenal, iyswim. At least at the moment there's room for doubt that he even realise he was supposed to reply. What time is he due?

Jan45 Tue 19-Aug-14 16:44:33

It's only Tuesday, do not text again, you will look desperate.

HelpMeSitOnMyHands Tue 19-Aug-14 16:46:31

I haven't slept with him btw. Thank God.

Dignity above all else. Thank you. This is what I need to hear. In the long run (in a week) I can cope with anything except loss of dignity!!

Jan45, it's this evening, so 'only Tuesday' ???

Jan45 Tue 19-Aug-14 16:56:55

Sorry didn't read properly, see your predicament, think I'd just text and say still waiting to hear if you are coming or not?

KatoPotato Tue 19-Aug-14 17:01:16

Don't send a ? - that's just a bit OTT

Why not send, hey - what time are you planning on coming over? I need to pop to the shops/friends/something just so I know when to be back in the house!

As far as you're concerned, he's coming over, it's only reasonable for him to update you otherwise?

Cobo Tue 19-Aug-14 17:06:48

Just communicate with him like you would any other normal person! You don't know whether he's coming, so send a friendly text asking whether he's coming. Sending a sarky "?" text would be rude whoever you sent it to, far ruder than forgetting to reply to a text, which is potentially what's happened.

ImpossibleGirl Tue 19-Aug-14 17:18:12

If he's been in meetings / at work then he might not have had a chance yet to reply. As far as he's aware, he's due to be at yours at the suggested time tonight ... Yes, it's a bit rude that he hasn't texted you yet to double check details, but not uncommon - you have plans, he'll see you there ...

sonjadog Tue 19-Aug-14 17:24:47

No, don't send it! He has to text you now and if he doesn't, well then you know he wasn't interested. Don't give up your dignity.

KatoPotato Tue 19-Aug-14 17:25:11

I made plans over text on Tuesday with my friend to come to tea around 11ish on the Sunday.

No more contact. Got to 1130, so I text - You guys on your way?
She replied - 'Sorry, yes got held up, leaving in 5, get the kettle on!'

Like cobo said just treat this as the very same situation?

HelpMeSitOnMyHands Tue 19-Aug-14 17:25:54

yeh, you're right, a ? would be the worst thing to send. NOt sure I should send anything now at this point. Still haven't heard.

KatoPotato Tue 19-Aug-14 17:26:40

What time did you suggest?

sonjadog Tue 19-Aug-14 17:27:34

Are you ready if he does come? So if he comes that's good and if he doesn't, then never mind and move on?

HelpMeSitOnMyHands Tue 19-Aug-14 17:41:43

yes, ready. house tidy. one course meal prepared.

:-/

grumpasaur Tue 19-Aug-14 17:45:06

Definitely don't send it. No no no.

If he comes, great- Just let him know lightheartedly you didn't know whether to buy wine for one or two, so could he let you know next time?

If he doesn't, bugger him! That's rude and luckily you will only have lost two dates on him. Whatever you do, don't text if he doesn't come. Dignified silence must be maintained at all times. And do NOT accept bullshit excuses!!!!

sonjadog Tue 19-Aug-14 17:59:11

What time's he due?

Let us know if he turns up or not!

DuckandCat Tue 19-Aug-14 18:08:30

I would just text. If you've made plans with someone it's not 'desperate' to check (on the evening of said plans!) if they are still on.

He may be sitting at home on his hands 'not wanting to look desperate' too!

gottafindaman4yagirl Tue 19-Aug-14 18:44:50

What agony not knowing, I think I would text. Its not unreasonable to do so or desperate, if it was a friend you would. Crazy when communication is a bad thing especially when its regarding plans already been made. Does he seem like the sort to not turn up.

I had a second date and the guy made arrangements on the Monday for a Wednesday and didn't text me until ten minutes before set time, he was running late.

Men and texting....nightmare.

StaringBlankly Tue 19-Aug-14 18:50:01

I'd text too but I'm the last person on Earth you should take relationship advice from - I've just been slow faded by someone I see everyday idiot

Has he turned up?

BitOutOfPractice Tue 19-Aug-14 18:54:06

Cobo is right - just ask him like you would anyone else!

"Hi - just double checking we are still on for tonight. Can you let me know either way?"

mosaicone Tue 19-Aug-14 19:08:18

Def dont send the ? one, but I dont think a "hey, you a wine drinker, Im off to the shops?" type one would be ok? I mean you made plans... it would be very rude of him not to reply. If he doesnt, I guess you know! Good luck, let us know!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now