I have a fantastic friend, we get on amazingly well and he is kind, supportive and caring. As an example when I stomach bug and was on my own he came over, looked after me and the slept on the sofa bed overnight in case I needed anything,
He is amazing with DS and has recently put together a metal frame bed which I got in pieces for DS.
He is a lovely lovely man but......
He is an alcoholic/very heavy drinker.
He drinks beer, it does nothing except make him more relaxed and help him socially. It unfortunately also affects his health negatively.
Recently he stopped drinking....and has gone three months without it but unfortunately he has started again in the last week. He tends to drink about 8 cans at a time in an evening.
He is the first person I have really liked in a long time but I can't get involved with him can I?
I do know that I am a woman who loves too much (from the Women Who Love Too Much book) and having read it my attraction to this man makes sense but I am so so sad I cannot take things any further with a man who is so supportive and kind.
How do I deal with that?
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I can't get into a relationship with this man can I?
GratefulHead · 19/08/2014 16:36
No, sorry, you just can't !
Walk away before you care too much. It's a big shame, but you can't get involved with him while he drinks 8 cans a night.
I do recognise that only he is responsible for his drinking. He makes his own decisions about that.
I do drink occasionally but not regularly so have no concept of how hard it is not to drink. My friend says he envies my ability to pour and enjoy a glass of wine without having to finish the bottle. Sad isn't it?
Just wanted to give you an update :-)
Long chat with him at the weekend, we have agreed that while he is in recovery he needs a friend rather than a girlfriend. But we both have feelings for one another.
I have had a very difficult past with sexual abuse in childhood, therefore it is very difficult for me to have a relationship with anyone. I feel safe with this man though and we have twice now cuddled up in bed together, not made love or anything so intense but he has just held me and we have had a cuddle, he knows about the abuse as I felt able to tell him. So he just held me while we snuggled in bed and we talked about feeling safe. This is a massive step forward for me. It wont happen again for a while as DS is now home and I wont get the opportunity to have the lovely cozy nights in I have been enjoying with my friend.
In the meantime we message everyday and see each other to go shopping etc.
He is also a fabulous cook as I discovered while DS was away, he bought food round and cooked for me both nights as he said I needed a break from it all. Told me to sit on the sofa, gave me a glass of wine, prepared delicious dinners from scratch AND he washed up afterwards.
He has been pretty much perfect but in our discussions he also said that his past relationships have not been brilliant but that he took the blame for that as he was drinking. He is very positive about his ex-girlfriends and has only good stuff to say about them, says they put up with a lot due to his drinking.
So....we are staying friends and reviewing how he goes in recovery. We have agreed to look at it all again in a few months. I am happy with this. 
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