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XH "looks like an old man":)

(57 Posts)
Moanranger Mon 18-Aug-14 18:33:28

I do not know who may remember me but I posted in March 2013 about H at that time who had decided to end our 24 year marriage. Well, fast forward through the Saga of OW, nasty divorce where he wanted me to pay him vast quantities of money, to now, where we are finally near a financial settlement. (actual divorce was on 18 March.)
A friend just messaged me to say she just saw him & he looks like an old man.
My life is just fine - I have a new love & I don't have to listen to his c**p anymore.
My fondest wish is to dance on his grave - with any luck, it will come true!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Mon 18-Aug-14 18:45:37

That's a very sad viewpoint, Moan and it belies that you're happy with your new life, which is certainly worth celebrating, not this.

It's like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

TheHoneyBadger Mon 18-Aug-14 18:56:10

honestly i can't see how you can be 'happy' and harbour a desire to dance on someone's grave. i think you may need to revisit just how happy you actually are.

frames Mon 18-Aug-14 19:03:54

Its a toughy. I am secretly smug to find out ex h and his fiancé are having issues....the way he patronisingly told me 'he had found someone else' and they fawn all over each other...grim PDAs but behind closed doors....he remains the twonk he was and she is unhappy....and so proud of herself when my ex h walked into her life....

MirandaWest Mon 18-Aug-14 19:05:29

I think XH is a bit of a prat but I wouldn't wish him ill. He might as well be happy - would be rather a waste for him to be sad really.

drudgetrudy Mon 18-Aug-14 19:05:34

You are angry -but this is not nice.
You will not be really happy until you let it go and have no feelings about him at all.

Frontier Mon 18-Aug-14 19:07:31

Agree. I don't think happy people enjoy seeing others do badly. If it was really behind you you wouldn't have any feelings about it one way or the other. If you were really happy your only feeling would be a slight concern that he might not be well.

Smilesandpiles Mon 18-Aug-14 19:07:38

Oh for gods sake.

The OP won't actually do it, it's just a boasting thing about how much better her life is now, even more so, knowing that things aren't quite as good for him seeing as he put her through so much.

Nomama Mon 18-Aug-14 19:09:35

Moan enjoy that feeling while it lasts.

It will pass soon enough, and when it does you will know that he truly is very definitely ex

And ignore anyone who wants you to feel bad for that feeling, it is part of your grieving/healing process. Feel it then move on. Just be sure to move on smile

morethanpotatoprints Mon 18-Aug-14 19:09:57

Let it go, Let it go.
You won't move on properly like you deserve to if you think like this.
Don't be angry, just look at what you have now and be glad you're not still with him.
I know it may be difficult for you, but I mean it for your own happiness. x

Frontier Mon 18-Aug-14 19:10:20

That's the exact point though Smile. If she'd put it all behind her and was happy, the fact that ex looks old wouldn't have any effect on her, it certainly wouldn't mean she was "even more" happy.

Smilesandpiles Mon 18-Aug-14 19:12:26

You lot making her feel shit for a perfectly normal reaction isn't helping is it?

AnyFucker Mon 18-Aug-14 19:17:12

I understand your feelings, OP

I think it is true though that you not fully over someone until your reaction on news of them, good or bad, is indifference

Gruzinkerbell Mon 18-Aug-14 19:17:58

You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling that way! If he only walked out on you in March (don't remember your other thread, must've missed it) I expect it's still pretty raw and you're still getting over being hurt so badly by someone you were with for so long. Him looking so forlorn just means he's not rubbing salt in the wound. Well done for turning your life around and moving on! Sounds like you've had a hellish year.

And one day, hopefully, you won't wish he was dead. But that'll take time. 5 months is nothing.

I can see OP's point of view, considering that I wish I could fit XH with a homing beacon so I could be sure I wouldn't bump into him. Unfortunately we like the same bands, so I've been caught out before. I think it's a reflection of the fact that life probably would be simpler if the bugger popped his clogs, rather than an actual proper "tangoing on his tomb" or "doing the lambada on his last resting place" type scenario.

It depends how much of an arse they've been as to how vivid one's little reveries are, IMO grin

TheTravellingLemon Mon 18-Aug-14 19:18:41

I think I remember you OP and all I can say is good. Karma's a bitch baby wink

My ex is bald. Good job. DH has lovely hair grin.

Perfectly normal and healthy reaction to someone who treated you so badly and rubbed your face in his supposed new found happiness when you were at your lowest (iIRC)

AnyFucker Mon 18-Aug-14 19:20:40

I do get a certain sense of satisfaction from the fact that a bloke that treated me like shit many years ago has not aged as well as wot I 'ave.

It's human reaction innit.

JavaSparrow Mon 18-Aug-14 19:21:24

I understand completely OP.

The other posters on this thread may be better people than us, but they will never get the feeling of glee you had today.

Enjoy it and enjoy the apathy that you will one day feel too.

Doobiedoobedoobie Mon 18-Aug-14 19:21:45

Of course she is not fully over it. He ended her very long marriage only 5 months ago confused

I totally understand where you're coming from OP and wish you good luck flowers

LadySybilLikesCake Mon 18-Aug-14 19:23:51

The biggest revenge you can get on a scumbag is to be happy smile Don't walk in the shadows, don't mourn for the life you may have had or the one you lost. just live life to the full and be happy.

My ex is overweight and losing his hair.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Aug-14 19:24:09

Point of order...it was March 2013 not 2014

But still, that is still a relatively short time. I still wish my ex from 30 years a pox on his head. Yup, I am not over it, I never will be smile

King1982 Mon 18-Aug-14 19:24:24

How old is he?

Doobiedoobedoobie Mon 18-Aug-14 19:26:23

Ah, sorry, I misread. But yes, I agree. I wish my EXDH nothing but good things and we split up last October. However an old bf of 6 months I split up with over a decade ago is another story...

I got shot of the bullying cock womble over 10 years ago, and I still wince at the thought of having anything to do with him. To the extent that I still have nightmares about him. OP is entitled to her anger, she earned it!

TheHoneyBadger Mon 18-Aug-14 19:30:13

5 months is nothing - if you genuinely believe you're all fine and dandy yet love hearing that he looks old then either a) it wasn't a close relationship/you never really loved him or b) this is just a stage in the grieving process and you need to acknowledge the ride isn't over yet.

despite accusations i'm not about making you feel guilty for feeling this - just pointing out that this isn't how it feels when you genuinely are over something.

it may seem like him dropping dead would be a short cut but actually i bet it would be a disaster and deprive you of whole levels of moving on and coming to terms that need to be worked through and i say this as someone who has gone non contact with her family for nearly a year now and often have fantasies about them crashing in a plane (awful i know but it 'seems' like it would make life simpler but as i just said to you actually it would just miss out a whole essential era of coming to terms).

the sad truth is that despite their frequency of instigating it men fair far, far worse physically and emotionally after divorce than women - have you seen that graph? women are happier and healthier before and after marriage and men are the opposite imo because marriage is designed to serve men's needs and to repress women's needs.

it's natural and understandable but it is not who or what you want to be outside of the early stages anger/hurt/disappointment/chaos etc. aim higher for you in the long run. he is getting his but you won't be moving forward or growing as a person if you become someone gleeful at others' suffering.

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