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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Hand holding required. Oh lost it just now. I was really scared

147 replies

Funnyfishface · 16/08/2014 22:57

Football season started today so he went off this morning at 11 for pre drinks - came home at 10 drunk

I had been out this afternoon to meet a girl friend for coffee.
I hadn't told him
He said have u been out and I said yes to meet friend.
He went absolutely mad
He through his plate and food across the room.
Told me he fucking hates me
I'm a fucking liar

Omg I am shaking. He went to the toilet so I put shoes on and got in the car.

I have nowhere to go
I phoned him and said I'm terrified and he's drunk. He said I was being silly and he was in bed anyway.

I am crying
And shaking
I actually thought he was going to throw his mug of tea at me

OP posts:

Report

sunshineandshowers · 16/08/2014 23:01

what a prick. I am so sorry. I will hold your hand.

Do you have anywhere at all to go? Can u scrape together some pennies for travelodge.

If not wait another hour till he's definitely passed out and go back and sleep on sofa. Put something against the door and if he tries to get in ring police.

I am so sorry.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 16/08/2014 23:02

Have you any money? I'd be tempted to find a Travelodge or the like and stay away for the night.

How often does it happen?

Katrose · 16/08/2014 23:02

Why did he call you a liar?
Oh OP, that was a really shit thing to have happen.
Is he prone to outbursts like this?

bumdiedum · 16/08/2014 23:02

that sounds awful. you're out. can you stay out? would your friend have you?

Toohotforfishandchips · 16/08/2014 23:03

Find some where to sleep tonight even if it's the sofa. Tomorrow find some where else to live

Singingbird · 16/08/2014 23:04

Can you go to a friends for the night?
I'm just dealing with the fallout of a nasty tempered man myself, so I know how frightening it is. Do you have DCs, if so call the police and have him removed.

Patrickstarisabadbellend · 16/08/2014 23:07

This is the starting of what is to come. He will say sorry but it will continue to happen and eventually he will batter you.

I know this from experience. Get out before it's too late.

sproutsmum · 16/08/2014 23:07

Please keep yourself safe , don't go back if you are this terrified and this is the first time he's done this he is showing you who he is , believe him. If you have been out with a friend could you call her and stay there tonight ? Nobody should react like that just because you spent some time with a friend , alcohol has amplified it by the sounds of it but it doesn't change the fact that he has been so threatening towards you , not everyone who is drunk is abusive and aggressive , the underlying issue is that he is treating you as a posession not a partner and is not bothered about how his behaviour is affecting you and does not care about your feelings. Look after yourself, you deserve to be safe and happy.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/08/2014 23:08

I agree, stay out. Go to a friend, get a hotel room, stay at a relatives. But also, think very hard about this relationship. He got drunk, became violent (yes violent, even though he didn't touch you), and then pooh-pooh'd your valid concern. I don't care if this is the first time it's happened. It's a BIG red flag. Do you really want to live like this?

Lweji · 16/08/2014 23:08

Do call a friend or get into a B&Q if you can to think it over and to be safe.

Remember that it's not the drink talking, it's his inhibitions lowered. So, believe him.

Lweji · 16/08/2014 23:09

Sorry, B&B. Doh!

Funnyfishface · 16/08/2014 23:11

I am back home.
He is asleep - I can hear him snoring
I called around two of my friends but both were out.

He is controlling and jealous. He had expected me to stay home all day. I hadn't told him I had plans today. Coffee with a friend he knows at 2 this afternoon. I don't drink.

We have been having relate counselling for over a year. This is the first time I have been really scared.
Together 24 years. 2 grown up sons
Already have solicitors appointment next week

I suffer with anxiety and I can feel it starting up

I can't stop shaking.

OP posts:

butterflygardens · 16/08/2014 23:11

Please don't go back. Could you ring women's aid?

Funnyfishface · 16/08/2014 23:12

I feel sick

OP posts:

Lweji · 16/08/2014 23:14

Please do ring WA for help in addition to solicitors.

And forget about Relate. You shouldn't do joint counselling with abusers. Which he is.

Be careful with your next steps, as it's most dangerous when you are leaving. Keep important documents safe and try to have someone to call at short notice.
I hope you have a good night.

tillyann2013 · 16/08/2014 23:14

You poor love, try and get some rest tonight x

tribpot · 16/08/2014 23:15

The controlling behaviour isn't new, is it? The level of violence might be but expecting you to stay at home all day whilst he buggers off to the football - that's happened before?

Save your money and cancel Relate, it isn't going to help and is probably just giving him more ways to manipulate you.

Can you get out tomorrow morning before he wakes up? Do you have access to any money?

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 16/08/2014 23:16

Deep breaths, honestly, keep at it till you feel calmer.

Then make a plan. Protect yourself, he sounds very horrible.

Hand holding. X

BringMeSunshine2014 · 16/08/2014 23:17

I still think you should go and stay somewhere else. Could you not go to one of your sons? Or try your friends again?

Funnyfishface · 16/08/2014 23:19

I am so upset.
I'm trying to control breathing.

OP posts:

BringMeSunshine2014 · 16/08/2014 23:19

Relate is a complete and utter waste of time with him - sorry :(

It's no wonder you suffer from anxiety. You need to leave him and get your life back, this can't carry on x

BringMeSunshine2014 · 16/08/2014 23:20

Do you have access to a credit or debit card? If you do, go and stay at a hotel if you don't want to call your sons. Don't stay there.

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43percentburnt · 16/08/2014 23:23

Can you drive to your friends house? If my friend knocked on my door in the night upset she would be given tea and toast and my bed if needs be. Your friend will be the same.

Do your friends know what he is like. Have you told real life people how he is?

ThisIsBULLSHIT · 16/08/2014 23:23

Well done OP keep at it, in and out till you start to feel better.
Is this the straw that broke the camels back? It sounds like it might be for you.

Just take care tonight, as others have said, can you stay away? X

43percentburnt · 16/08/2014 23:25

Put your hands on your tummy and breath deeply, so you feel your hands rise. Try and breath in for a count of twenty and out for twenty.

You may be in shock.

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