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Dating thread 79

(1000 Posts)
louby44 Wed 13-Aug-14 16:47:22

Wow! 79 already...

Welcome to all daters, new, experienced or tearing your hair out at the frustration!

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 16:49:54

10 days the last one covered. Ten days!

UrsulaBuffay Wed 13-Aug-14 17:06:47

Just getting new thread onto threads I'm on! Nothing to add from my end as not dating and not obsessively surfing sites (for now) smile

gigglygirlygirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:08:27

New thread already! No wonder I can't keep up!

Folk I really did think I would grow out the the insecurity thing. sad I am sure I am going to ruin the best relationship I have been in.

It feels like I need him to tell me what he thinks of me and where he wants the relationship to go but 1 I don't know how to bring up such a conversation, 2 he doesn't talk about feelings so would it put him under pressure and 3 what if I get a bad answer. Maybe I feel so needy right now because I think I am more into him than he is to me. I only know what I think and feel!

I have the same feelings regarding the texting etc too.

And I also believe my boyfriend deserves better. I feel really guilty that he's with me. And I don't really understand why. I have a rational considered response to every explanation too.

I've met a few of my boyfriend's oldest friends too. They've all met his ex girlfriends, too. It makes me feel sick to think of what they must have thought when they saw me and the conversations they must have had afterwards

Scarily similar! I feel like even if he is happy with me now he won't be in the future when he realises he can do better then will he feel stuck with me and will I be keeping him from the happiness he deserves.

Jarlin Wed 13-Aug-14 17:24:09

Crikey can't believe we have moved onto another thread so quickly!

Let's hope this one is no quite so full of angst and insecurities! confused

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:30:24

giggly It wouldn't make any difference if he did tell you, if you're anything like me. I don't seek reassurances from him. I don't believe them and it makes me feel a little bit sick because rather than be reassured, I feel disgusted that he's lying to my face. He can't win and neither can I.

I know exactly what you mean about the future, too.

I think I'd rather be on my own. I just feel so shit all the time I'm really beginning to wonder what the point is.

gooeycookie Wed 13-Aug-14 17:31:37

Hi guys!

Out for date number 2 with the toyboy tonight... But can't stop myself for waiting for the 'cancellation text'... I feel like I don't want to get in the shower in case I jinx the evening!! Feel like a mad woman!! grin
If a goes well I'll update you later....
Please wish me luck! Off to shower.....

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:32:38

But I also know that if I end this, I won't even be able to entertain a relationship with anyone else. And not even because I feel like he's The One (I'm not even sure I'm capable of that depth of feeling any more), but because I'll know exactly what it's going to be like.

I wouldn't take a chance like this again.

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:33:57

gooey You sound very excited! grin That's fab. You need to update us either way.

Fingers crossed for you...

louby44 Wed 13-Aug-14 17:36:29

So thats gooey and dont on dates tonight!

I'm off to the gym instead of my date!

gigglygirlygirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:38:07

Folk You know I actually think it would help me as if he said he loved me and cared about me and wanted us to end up living together I would know what he was thinking.

I am CONSTANTLY analysing his actions to try and figure out if he feels the same about me as I do about him. I don't have words to go by so it is all actions.

I still wouldn't feel like I deserved it or that I was good enough but I would know that this wasn't mostly one sided. With our shifts we can go a week without seeing each other and I miss him so much but does he even notice when I am not there. Does he think of me if I don't text.

Sat here close to tears as I know that I can ruin this so easily and he won't even know what happened. I will just pull back and ruin it.

jesy Wed 13-Aug-14 17:39:11

Does anyone else find it hard not to text back so quick he just texted me and asked a question about something nic we
e chatted about last week but I donates to seem to available to him

gigglygirlygirl Wed 13-Aug-14 17:44:47

Jesy I tend to text back straight away. Apart from a few occasions where he has been slow to reply and then I get sucked into tit for tat delays with responses.

jesy Wed 13-Aug-14 17:53:40

I guess I'm thinking if I back off he be more interested
However it's just dawned on me his ex has just given birth ,not his

LittleBlueMouse Wed 13-Aug-14 18:18:53

I usually put the phone down, or in a drawer, pick up a book, make tea, cook three courses, go to the gym, wash car, put rubbish out...before I answer a text! but I am no great shakes at this sort of thing confused Jesy make him wait a little bit, but don't play games. There is no harm in making yourself a cup of tea, settling down at the table, thinking for five minutes and then texting back.

lottieandmia Wed 13-Aug-14 18:19:42

I may take a break for a while, or at least not have sex with any dates unless I think they are decent people and after a while of knowing them. Good luck to everyone else.

Folk - I hope you're feeling a bit better about things. I am sure you are beautiful smile

Jarlin Wed 13-Aug-14 18:33:11

Looking forward to the updates from don't and gooey

Glad it's all looking good for you minime

lottie I hope you'll stick around but I can't blame you for taking a break.

SingleSock Wed 13-Aug-14 18:37:11

Wow, new thread already! No wonder I'm struggling to keep up. I'm having an impromptu date no.4 with Mr Tall tonight. He's cooking me dinner smile. Will update and catch up later. Good luck to those on dates tonight.

frames Wed 13-Aug-14 18:38:18

Hi....can I join in???

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 18:52:44

Of course you can, frames smile

What's your story..?

Me too, Jarlin

Not really, lottie, but I thought I'd spare you all today wink

FolkGirl Wed 13-Aug-14 18:57:40

giggly sorry if I've missed it, but have you tried to talk to him?

I know it's hard if they're not a 'talker', but if he knew how much it upset you..? How long have you been with him now?

gigglygirlygirl Wed 13-Aug-14 19:20:12

Folk I tried but chickened out! I couldn't figure out a way to start the conversation without making it into a huge deal. We have been together 7 months now.

I just don't want him to think that his actions (which are so kind and considerate) don't mean anything to me. I mean if that is the way that he expresses his feelings I don't want to dismiss them.

Frames Jump in! grin

frames Wed 13-Aug-14 19:55:10

Having a match.com sabbatical, after hectic couple of weeks with being asked on dates, going on a few, a semi stalker, and guy who seemed to think he was on Tinder, then all the ones who were just messaging....and not asking. But going on date with RL guy tomorrow......

gottafindaman4yagirl Wed 13-Aug-14 20:09:02

Hi folkgirl, thanks for messaging me today.

Felt stupid being a grown women and getting upset over being rejected. Just wish men wouldn't say positive stuff and then drop off the face of the earth.

Just feel my vulnerable side keeps showing. Its not just low self esteem but i was rejected by my own mum and it hurt for years, then my marriage broke down and I realised I was lying to myself. My ex never loved me the way i loved him.

I have trouble reading the signals that a guy is into me, I was having a great time on last date, bloke was very keen for date. I did drink too much but was not drunk and DTD, he was really sweet and said I had a nice body and text next day saying convo was good and i was a lovely lovely lady, is that code for don't expect a second date.

Is he going to not text me again because i put out on first date or is it just me, Wish i could get feedback and find out what i did wrong.

My ex rejected me for years before we split, i cried loads and tried to find out what i did wrong to end his love and desire for me but men wont talk.

ITs not so easy to get confident because all my life i have had inner turmoil about being loved and liked, its what I craved as a child and does it make me weak to need that. I am on OD because I don't get to go out much due to kids and being a carer for one of them.

I was in tears this morning and didn't want to leave the house....this man is not going to text me again and i just wish i knew why sad

frames Wed 13-Aug-14 20:13:53

Hey gotta.... I don't think its code.... I think after a first date some men just want to see other women, so just keep going on to the next one:-)

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