Not sure if he likes me or not

[tinks4]

I've been friendly with a man for a good few years. We hit it off straight away and I got the impression that he quite liked me although he never made a move or anything. I had never thought about him in that way until about a month ago and now I can't stop thinking about him!

I'm a bit confused to be honest as I don't really understand how I can go from having no thoughts about him in a romantic/sexual way to fancying him like mad more or less overnight.

Anyway now that I do like him how do I work out if he likes me or whether it's just his way to be a bit cheeky and overfriendly? I did think he liked me, but am now wondering if it's just wishful thinking on my part. I don't want to mess up our friendship if I am wrong.

We have had banter for a long time, always initiated by him. He jokes about climbing through my bedroom window one night on a regular basis. I asked a favour of him and he said "is it sexual", I said no and he pulled a disappointed face. There's been plenty of other innuendoes and such like. I should point out that he's only ever done this in a cheeky, jokey manner, in no way has it come across as sleazy.

He stands extremely close to me, totally in my body space. On the couple of times he's sat on my settee he has sat that close to me that his legs have been touching mine. He got hold of my mobile number, texted me about something that he'd helped me out with and put a kiss on the end.

He comes round to see me about things that don't really seem to necessitate a visit and always wants to help me out with things, but he may just be friendly and helpful.

The vibe I get from him is that he likes me, but as he's not made a move does that mean that he's not interested? Maybe as I hadn't flirted back he didn't think I was interested or maybe he just likes the banter. How do I work out if he likes me without making a prat of myself?

[WildBillfemale]

If men like you they are around you.......

[HelenaQC]

Don't forget, you didn't "like" him in that way until fairly recently and I suspect he sensed that so that's why he hasn't made a move.

Men usually don't bother consistently flirting with and wanting to be around women that they are really not interested in. On balance, I think he probably likes you a lot.

Start flirting back :)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

He is 'making a move' surely? Flirty banter, unnecessary visits, touching legs.... what do you need, a runway and landing lights? :) I don't know what context you see this guy in but I'm guessing that if he's on your settee he's not a work colleague. Here's a thought.... give him a call, say you've been dying to see a particular film/stage-show/try a new restaurant/whatever, and see if he'd like to join you. You know... ask him on a date.

[tinks4]

Thank you, so it sounds promising then.

Helena - I like the sound of that. He's quite a bit older than me so I have wondered if he doesn't think I would be interested. I have intended to flirt back recently, but he tends to just come straight out with something flirty rather than building up to it. So when he does flirt I don't expect it and don't really respond in time and then the moment passes. I always seem to think of a good response when it's too late!

Cogito - that made me smile. I think I probably do! Yet I keep thinking if he was interested then he would have suggested something to me, but he hasn't. No he's not a work colleague, he owns the property next to mine - he doesn't live there. He knocked on my door to introduce himself and we got on really well. We have adjoining areas that are shared and he comes round to chat about various maintenance and improvements etc.

I couldn't possibly ask him on a date. I'd be so mortified if he said no and would really feel awkward. I think it would be quite difficult to arrange anything with him anyway. He doesn't really seem to go out that much as he works evenings and weekends so I'm not very confident he would say yes.

Maybe if I tried to make it obvious that I like him, then he would suggest something to me? He's not shy though so maybe he would have asked already if he wanted to. I feel like a teenager again!!

As I seem to miss my cue to flirt back with him, does anyone have any suggestions for comments I could make to him that sound natural and not too obvious yet at the same time suggest I like him?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

You're going to feel even more mortified if you flirt back and get nowhere than if you stick your neck out and ask him to meet you at the local or whatever. But you're in luck as I happen to be an Olympic standard flirter. :) Pay careful attention. Say any of the following with a twinkly eye-contact smile and he'll get the message

"It's a mystery that someone as nice as you is still single....."
"Here again ? People are going to think we're an item..."

And the flirty response to the 'I need a favour'... 'is it sexual?' exchange is 'Play your cards right and you never know...'

[tinks4]

I am also a bit old unfashioned and much prefer the man to do the chasing and asking. If I can make it obvious to him that he will get a yes then he will ask if he wants to. If he doesn't ask then I think it likely that I will get a no if I were to ask him out.

Thank you for the suggestions, Olympic standard gold methinks! I can normally think of the witty remarks afterwards, it's at the time with him I seem to get stuck. I don't normally know when he comes round until he's at the door so I think I'm just not prepared.

Do I do subtle or blatant?

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Subtle and old fashioned will get you nowhere. Blatant doesn't sound your style. Try a combination of 'assertive' and 'optimistic' i.e. You're a desirable woman... he should be grateful you let him in your life. Go

[Twinklestein]

If your mind tends to go blank when he next says a flirty thing, just ask him 'are you flirting with me?' he'll say 'yes' and you say 'good'.

[StampyIsMyBoyfriend]

Give it a go before someone else does.

I took my own advice, we've been together for 10yrs

[WildBillfemale]

Give it a go before someone else does.

God yes - I can think of a couple of people in my long distant past who were snapped up by someone more blatant than me in showing their interest. You kick yourself for not taking the risk when this happens, especially when you find out years later the interest was mutual.......

[OffToTheRacesss]

Cogito I'm definitely using your flirting ideas they're perfect!

[tinks4]

Twinkle that's a good one, thanks.

Stampy that's great, pleased it worked out for you. Fortune favours the brave!

Wildbill sorry to hear you missed out there.

Races good luck with the flirting!

Okay so assertive and flirty it is then, next time he flirts with me I will hopefully be a bit more prepared and flirt back properly and will see how that goes.

I can normally flirt rather well, but for some reason it is different with him. It tends to be flirty comments interspersed with normal conversation with him, whereas elsewhere it has normally been a build up to the flirting so I am in my stride when we get to that stage.

I'd also never thought of him in that way until recently so I'm still a bit surprised that I like him. I have known him five years and suddenly overnight I'm having lustful thoughts about him, I find it a bit strange.

I just hope he does like me.

[ProfessorPickles]

It sounds like he could definitely be interested
Use some of the lines a pp said earlier and report back!!

[tinks4]

Thank you Pickles I do hope so! I shall attempt some serious flirting when I next see him and update.

[ProfessorPickles]

Yes definitely come back and tell us
I'm excited for you!!

[tinks4]

Thank you, fingers crossed!

[howdoimakehimnoticeme]

Tinks - go for it I faffed about for WEEKS and bit the bullet last night (see my thread!) Fingers crossed for you too !!

[cozietoesie]

.....what do you need, a runway and landing lights?......

Now that really made me laugh.

[tinks4]

I know I should! It's plucking up the courage that is the problem, he might say no and then all the buzz and excitement goes and I'm rather enjoying that at the moment! Thank you and good luck to you too.

[MadeMan]

"...he might say no and then all the buzz and excitement goes and I'm rather enjoying that at the moment!"

All the buzz and excitment will likely sooner or later turn into frustration and worry if you don't give it a go. Plus, he might say 'yes'.

[cozietoesie]

The great thing about suggesting a new restaurant etc is that you can ramp it up or down according to how it goes on the night - there's nothing odd about suggesting such to a friend (if it turns out that way.)

Good luck.

[tinks4]

MadeMan I've only liked him for a month or so in that way, I hadn't thought how I might feel if nothing develops, but thinking about it I guess excitement could easily turn into frustration if nothing happens.

I'm really not confident I'd get a yes so will try some serious flirting first and hope he asks me!

Thank you Cozie, we don't socialise together or go out or anything like that. I think he would think it a bit strange if I asked him out for a drink as we don't know each other in that context which is why I'm hesitating.

[cozietoesie]

Develop a problem with the flat - nothing too structural though - that you need some help on and give him a (preferably newly tried and weird recipe) meal as thankyou.

[tinks4]

Cozie that sounds like a plan. Not sure he would be up for a meal as he normally sees his kids, or at least the youngest, then (he's divorced). However, when he sorted something out for me a while back I took him round a bottle of wine as a thank you so I will try and think of something that would be suitable to necessitate thanking him for in that way again. Then I could tell him I have something for him (the wine) and when I give it to him I could suggest he opens it then. Thanks for that.

Anyway he comes round mine tonight to ask if I could help him with a computer issue at work - we use the same computer programme. So we go round his office, he works from home.

He says complimentary things to me such as "everything goes really well, that's because you are here" with a lovely smile.

He's suggestive in the jokey way of his "next time I have you in my office" with "have you" pronounced in the most sexual way possible.

The running joke between us of him climbing through my bedroom window is mentioned by him again, I can't recall what I said in response but I clearly flirted back because he then said "you'd have to keep the noise down!!" again said in that way of his.

So we are joking and giggling and it felt different. Nothing happened, just the comments and the looks, but it didn't feel like I was just having a giggle with a man I'm friendly with who I like. It felt more than that, just a sense that something was developing, it had gone up a notch.

I've come home buzzing!

[Lookingforfocus]

Make sure you have wine and beer in so next time he "pops round" you can offer a drink. You may just need some Dutch Courage to start some bold flirting. Although in my experience men don't "waste time" with any women they don't have a serious interest in.