Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I never feel like having sex

(8 Posts)
weebleknievel Sat 09-Aug-14 20:18:28

Please help!

I fell pregnant in July 2012 and had hyperemesis for about the first 6 months. We got married in the September and I was too sick to have sex on our wedding night or on our honeymoon. I had zero sex drive during pregnancy and it has not returned since having DS last May. It's coming up for our 2nd wedding anniversary in September and I reckon we've only had sex 10 times in all that time.

I love my husband more than anything and I find him attractive. Sex is always good when it happens and he is very attentive and loving. I just don't want it - with DH or anyone else for that matter.

I feel absolutely wracked with guilt and like I am a rubbish wife but I never feel like having sex. DH is very understanding and would never push me into it and never makes me feel guilty - it's all my own feelings of guilt. He says I'm still sexy despite having gained weight and not having time to deal with my crazy bikini line (which I hate and makes me feel very unsexy and unladylike)

Any ideas as to why I feel like this and how I can make myself want to have sex again?

I take cerazette contraceptive pill by the way.

Lunastarfish Sat 09-Aug-14 20:24:32

I have to say since stopping taking cilest pill I have been much randier! Pre pill I was as well so I put my lack of desire down to the pill.

I know how you feel re bikini line and weightbut I don't have children so it may just be because you are tired.

On a simple level, & finances depending, how about a bit of a pampering session and a babysitter?

Long term, it may be worthwhile speaking to your GP.

ColdCottage Sat 09-Aug-14 20:28:58

Firstly I would change your pill. There are so many on the market and they vary hugely. Speak to your doctor about one less likely to impact your mood.

Another idea is to change to the coil. The hormone pact is far less, plus you don't have to remember anything. It has the highest results of effectiveness too. There is also the copper coil which is hormone free.

I have chosen this option after my baby and its great (apart from initial first period being long, they are then very light).

Perhaps spend some money and time pampering yourself (wax, massage, or at home shave, bath, moisturise all over) to make yourself feel nice.

Perhaps start by pleasuring yourself regularly in order to reconnect with your feelings around sex then start to include your partner. A sexy book might help get you in the mind set.

Take it slow and don't put pressure on yourself. A night away alone might also help. So you can just be you for the night, not a mummy. Don't drink too much or you will just fall asleep and try and get an early night in the day before so you're not too tired.

Good luck.

This may well be down to either the brand of pill you are on, or other hormonal issues. However: before you got PG, did you want and enjoy lots of sex? Were you brought up with a healthy attitude towards it (ie not viewpoint that becoming a mother renders a woman Mummy and not sexy and/or it's wrong for a mother to have sexual feelings)? Was your pregnancy planned? An unplanned pregnancy can lead to being a bit scared of sex in case you get pregnant again.

weebleknievel Sat 09-Aug-14 21:07:11

Hi everyone and thanks for your responses so far.

Before getting PG I was definitely more interested in sex, we would do it at least twice a week.

PG was kind of planned in that I came off the pill so that we could try for a baby after the wedding but got carried away one night and forgot the condom!

I just feel like a non-wife and that I am letting him down.

My 2 best friends have a very healthy sex life one says 3x per week and the other every day! I feel ashamed when I think of how crap our sex life is and don't add to the conversations. I know DH would love to have more sex.

I think I may book an appointment with the Dr and see what they say.

weebleknievel Sat 09-Aug-14 21:08:33

PS solidgoldbrass my family weren't really open about sex and I don't think there was a great deal of it going on between my parents - they divorced when I was 11.

BluebellsandWhistles Sat 09-Aug-14 22:09:54

I am on Yasmin and came off it for 4 months, the difference was incredible. I am back on it now and it has killed my sex drive yet again. Go see the doc about this. The pill has a massive effect.

RedRoom Sat 09-Aug-14 22:13:30

Oh everyone says they do it three times a week when asked, even those that can't remember what their husband's penis looks like! grin I'd see your GP just to have your hormone levels checked and go from there.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now