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Serially dating older women. What do the MN jury think?

(17 Posts)
CKOneIjustLoveIt Sat 09-Aug-14 17:14:03

Please give me your thoughts. I have very strong feelings for a man roughly a decade younger. He seems less concerned about the age gap than I do. He told me that his last partner was 14 years older than he is and that it didn't end because of their age gap. It is the only 'con' about him. But I don't know. I was telling one friend about him and she said 'whoah, go cougar'. It's not like that at all. I thought he was about 3 years older than he is, and he thought I was about 3 years younger than I am, so we thought we were closer in age. It feels 'right' though.

LizzieBelle Sat 09-Aug-14 17:16:25

He likes older women so go for it!

Quitelikely Sat 09-Aug-14 17:30:53

Can I ask how old yous both are

CKOneIjustLoveIt Sat 09-Aug-14 17:32:28

35 and 44

Quitelikely Sat 09-Aug-14 17:35:56

That's an ok age difference. Just go with the flow. If he likes older women then so be it. It's not like he's a young pup lol

BeforeAndAfter Sat 09-Aug-14 17:43:42

It's not so much age difference as stage difference ie what stage of his life/career is he at? Do you have kids, does he have/want kids? I had an FWB 8 years younger. It was never going to be more because he had kids under 5 and I just didn't want to take that on.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 09-Aug-14 17:47:30

My last long-term relationship was with someone over ten years younger than me. The relationship ended because he wanted to have children in the future but I didn't.

Maybe he doesn't like "older women". Maybe he just likes you.

If it feels right then go for it.

CKOneIjustLoveIt Sat 09-Aug-14 18:40:39

Yeh i think i trust him not to be weird or make me feel old. Kind of expecting friends to talk me out of it/advise caution/call me a cougar

Tinks42 Sat 09-Aug-14 18:51:56

Absolutely nothing wrong regarding numbers here, he's a grown man.

The biggy is the children thing as a poster above just said. Like you, I was with a guy approx 10 years younger who didnt have kids, I wasnt about to have any more so after a couple of years I sent him back off into the dating pool.

PlantsAndFlowers Sat 09-Aug-14 19:28:37

Sounds fine.

Frogisatwat Sat 09-Aug-14 19:53:20

I like older men. At 25 I dated a 40 year old. My partner is 16 years older. I don't know why I like 'older' men. I just do. Relax

Some people are simply more comfortable dating/socialising with people a good bit older/younger than themselves.There's nothing at all wrong with it. While a relationship with a younger man may go wrong at some point because he decides he wants DC and therefore needs a partner young enough to have them, there are no guarantees that any relationship will last forever. If you like him and he likes you, go for it and see what happens.

CKOneILoveIt Sun 10-Aug-14 12:17:53

Thanks for your advice. I am thinking that as well as being what I want, this is a bit of a test for me. If my priorities are ordered right I can have what I've wanted for years. If not, I'll let it slip away. In the past I've been too concerned with what people think. So I can either focus on how I feel or what other people think, and I know what to choose. I think he just reached that place years ago despite being younger. I'm very mature apart from always having been a bit too cauught up in what other people think. I am trying to detach from that, and that's been an ongoing thing for over a decade. I made some really, really bad choices in the past because I wanted to appear happy. I didn't think about being happy.

Iwasinamandbunit Sun 10-Aug-14 12:25:45

I don't think ten years is a huge gap. I think when people date and they could easily be their partners parent then that may bring some issues.

Just go for it.

daisychain01 Sun 10-Aug-14 12:31:26

It does make me wonder who made up the concept of cougar, its so ageist and sexist. Makes my skin crawl.

Why shouldn't two people who have feelings for each other get together, without one or other of them being given a label because of who they are or the year they were born?

Beats me! hmm

JaceyBee Sun 10-Aug-14 12:32:21

I'm currently seeing a guy 11 years younger (I'm 35 and he's 24). Because of the difference in lifestyles and life stages we keep it open, partly because I'm ridiculously commitment-phobic and partly because i don't want to hold him back from meeting someone who will give him marriage and kids one day, as I've been there and done that and don't wish to do it again!

He's actually more keen to be an exclusive couple than I am, but I do have reservations so am taking a casual approach for now. I really don't see anything wrong with it in principle though, no-one bats an eyelid when the man is older so why shouldn't it be the other way around? Bullshit double standards innit.

JaceyBee Sun 10-Aug-14 12:35:14

I posted that on a thread the other week about the same issue. Currently the young man in question is playing with his band at a music festival and I am on holiday with my kids at a rural cottage. So clear differences in lifestyles! But we're enjoying it and having fun, and like SGB says there are never any guarantees any relationship will work out. I would just go for it if I were you and see what happens too!

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