Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Would it annoy you if your DH said he was going to dress differently because of a woman?

(35 Posts)
LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 12:42:06

Just that really. They are very keen to appoint a (particular) woman at his all-male workplace. For years he has just worn a t-shirt and jeans but now he says they need to behave differently and he will be dressing more smartly (he's office-based. IMO this would've been more appropriate all along). But because of a woman? hmm

And yes you do detect personal insecurity, though I do actually trust my DH.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 09-Aug-14 12:47:31

"They" don't need to dress and behave differently: he does. Because he's a prat.

Lucked Sat 09-Aug-14 12:53:58

Is she going to be managing him/leader of his team?

whatisforteamum Sat 09-Aug-14 12:55:28

I think dressing for your perticular profession makes you behave in a more professional way the fact a woman has suggested it is coincidence.I am a chef and look a right prat im my chef whites and hat with my all male younger colleagues but i dont care as we all dress the same.I wouldnt worry that he is making an effort.

RufusTheReindeer Sat 09-Aug-14 12:57:56

No I wouldn't mind

My husband went clothes shopping with a female work colleague

He came back with skinny chinos and white trainers hmm

He has never worn the trainers, much too young and trendy for him (as was she grin)

Is it a new policy for everybody she is bringing in? Or does he think he needs to smarten up?

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:16:39

He will be her manager. The bone of contention here is that he's never tried to build his career for us as a family so I'm having to develop mine for financial reasons. But now he wants to look the part for the benefit of a young, attractive woman. He has specified that they feel a woman would be best as it would make them behave more professionally. My feeling is that it's pretty unprofessional to need a woman in the workplace to raise standards.

He's not changing his style of dress because of 'a woman'. He's changing his style of dress because his new manager has told him to.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Sat 09-Aug-14 13:27:45

I don't think this is a sexual thing, though it's probably a sexist thing (outsider coming in AND a woman - better pull our socks up!)

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:28:25

He hasn't got a new manager. No one has told him to do anything.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:29:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatisforteamum Sat 09-Aug-14 13:35:59

i wish my husband would make the same effort with his appearance.i had to throw out his 15yr old rugby style top !!Nothing more dissapointing than dressing up to go out and DH thinks he looks ok in ancient ill fitting clothes (i have treated him to some now) smile

PamDooveOrangeJoof Sat 09-Aug-14 13:44:10

It does seem a bit weird. Especially as she isn't even going to be a manager.

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Sat 09-Aug-14 13:45:49

I dunno Pam, I'd put this as the same thinking as a men-only office having a topless calendar but taking it down when they recruit a woman.

KoalaKoo Sat 09-Aug-14 13:46:05

Is anyone reading the op properly. A new woman is starting in the office (op's dh'sbjunior staff), and so he has decided to dress better.

Op i think he likes something about her and so he doesnt want to look a sloven. OR she is v well presented and he feels a bit inferior looking like a sloven so because he is going to be her manager he feels he should smarten up.

The real question is, would he have done this for a new male junior, and if not, why not?

WildBillfemale Sat 09-Aug-14 13:46:10

This doesn't have anything to do with her being a woman, You say she will be his new manager? New boss, new expectations, new dress code.

You automatically assume she is going to be interested in your husband? that he will be interested in her? that she has no morals? It insults her.

This post annoys me mightily - As someone who was on the receiving end of actual phone calls from a new colleagues wife (whom I'd never met) when I joined an all male team (''Why do you want this job?'' ''It's a mans job'' ''Do you really want to be in this team?'' ''It's not fair the wives being stuck at home whilst you lot are all away enjoying yourselves'') I was stunned and insulted. I was polite the first time, the 2nd time I told her and then told her husband she was harassing me and it needed to stop, he was as embarrassed and shocked and angry as I was.
I mean really what was the point - did she really expect me to leave my job because she didn't like her H working with a woman?

You are not near the level of insecurity mentioned above but it is insecurity on your part - that's all. Deal with it. Men and women have to work together.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:46:38

whatisforteamum, that's sort of my point. DH normally doesn't make an effort for work. He still wears stuff he had in his early twenties!

ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy Sat 09-Aug-14 13:47:45

"You say she will be his new manager"

OP has said the exact opposite, Wildbill.

mammadiggingdeep Sat 09-Aug-14 13:49:17

I don't really get this. Has he said its because of her? Do you get the feeling he's trying to impress her? Do you have a bad feeling about his feelings towards her in general?

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:52:14

Once again, I didn't say she was going to be his manager. I have no opinion about her but I do have a view on my DH deciding she is worth dressing up for. They are not keen at all to recruit male applicants, however I can't comment on the as I'm not party to the process and have no idea who would be best for the post.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:53:40

He has said it's because they will all have to up their game with a woman in the office. I think he's referring to general sexism and masculine mucking about, but his comment re his appearance was directly linked.

WildBillfemale Sat 09-Aug-14 13:54:42

It doesn't really matter if she will be his manager or not. This is about your insecurity nothing more nothing less.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Sat 09-Aug-14 13:58:04

He's decided to smarten up to reinforce that he's the manager of this woman just in case she hasn't understood it properly yet. It didn't matter before when they were all men together but now it does. I reckon he fears this woman is frighteningly competent and will be wanting his job ere long.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:58:22

Well that's what I wanted to know, thank you.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 09-Aug-14 13:59:20

Bitter, I doubt it. He/they are very keen on this candidate.

angeltulips Sat 09-Aug-14 14:01:49

Apart from anything else, that sounds borderline illegal from an employment law/hiring perspective - only considering female candidates because they need an office mum?

Out of interest, does this poor woman know she has been hired primarily to be a civilising influence?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now