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Afraid of consequences:(

(26 Posts)
fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 06:30:20

Not sure if this is the right place for this but posting anywaysmile going through divorce,been accused of holding up proceedings once already(it is not me,my solicitor takes her time)now at crucial point,asked for urgent response a week ago,I have given my views but solicitor is leaving and changeover taking place and my response still hasn't been sentsad I am so scared of the consequences,stbx is very unpleasant and will take any opportunity to punish me furthersad I have phoned every day this week,told that a draft for my approval would be emailed yesterday but it wasn't,will ring this morning as it must be sent today - if not too late alreadysadI sound pathetic I know but I have rung etc. so afraid of the consequences, it isn't my fault but I will be the one facing the consequencessad any advice please,thank you for reading

mummytime Fri 08-Aug-14 07:49:42

In your circumstances I would not phone your solicitor but write expressing your need for them to act in a timely manner and the reasons you are anxious. Reiterate to them anything pertinent said in court about time wasting (and if possible who said it). Keep a copy, and then you have a permanent record of your efforts to facilitate keeping to the timetable.

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 07:53:21

I emailed on Monday so I have that at least. Thank yousmile

EarthWindFire Fri 08-Aug-14 09:55:37

Just keep all of your correspondence so if it does go further then you have the evidence.

Who has accused you of holding up the court or your stbx?

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 10:04:21

He has through solicitors letters, this time however he would be quite right - an urgent response was required and a week later my solicitor has still not respondedsad he is capable of just about anything and this is a perfect opportunity for him

Thehoardernextdoor Fri 08-Aug-14 10:10:03

There should be a partner at your solicitors who is responsible for client care-find out who they are ( the info should be on their website) and explain the situation and they should get it sorted

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 10:37:04

Thank you, just had a look but can't see anything. I have rung again this morning and about to send a email,this is ridiculous - I am guessing cause I am legal aid I am the bottom of their priority list

Theoldhag Fri 08-Aug-14 10:47:44

I hope that you will soon be sorted and that you can take a step back and breath.

I just wanted to send you lots of good luck vibes thanks.

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 10:49:19

Awww, thank you - I need plenty of thosesmile

juliascurr Fri 08-Aug-14 10:52:17

www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

might be helpful

EarthWindFire Fri 08-Aug-14 11:01:18

Thank you, just had a look but can't see anything. I have rung again this morning and about to send a email,this is ridiculous - I am guessing cause I am legal aid I am the bottom of their priority list

No legal aid should have nothing to do with it.

Keep all correspondence just in case they do take it further.

How urgent was the info that they needed? Are you able to gather it yourself, pass it to your solicitors for them to just pass on?

What are the 'consequences'
Definitely call and then follow everything up in writing so you can prove you are doing all you can.
Basically always 'cover your arse'
Why is everything so urgent?
Divorces hit all kinds of delays.
I think your ex is trying to scare you.
Call your solicitors every hour on the hour and email them the same!
It's really hard, but please try not to worry.

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Fri 08-Aug-14 11:06:24

They wanted an answer, I have given it and agreed but there is a complication and a condition that the other solicitors now need to sort - it cause my response hasn't been passed on they don't know. He is likely to take it further as it's his perfect opportunity he has been waiting for

mummytime Fri 08-Aug-14 11:24:36

Oh I thought it was a judge! If it is him or his solicitors its just part of his on going abuse.

Judges and court (even if you had to represent yourself) will not allow the bullying to continue, and have heard it all before.

Where will he 'take it'?
It's all happening and doing so via solicitors.
I don't understand what the threat is here.
Please don't listen to his vile bullying anymore.
How do you know it's late?
And that your solicitors haven't passed it on already?
I am assuming he is telling you this?
Don't engage with him.
Leave it all with the solicotors to sort out.
You do NOT need to be involved anymore other than giving responses required to your solicitor and signing paperwork as and when required.

FunkyBoldRibena Fri 08-Aug-14 22:45:58

What do you mean 'take it further?' What can he do? Have a tantrum?

EarthWindFire Fri 08-Aug-14 23:08:36

If the proceedings are going through court and the things that are being requested by the stbx through his solicitors are part of a court order then the very worst that could happen is that they apply to the court for a penal notice to be applied.

If the OP has evidence that it is her solicitors that are delaying them then it can be overturned.

If however this isn't going through court and just bluster by a solicitor then it is just that bluster.

bunchoffives Fri 08-Aug-14 23:40:42

Divorce can take years. Calm down OP. The court expect these things to grind along. There will be no legal comebacks because you haven't responded in hours or even months days.

If you fear repercussions from him and actually feel threatened ring the police. Ring women's aid for advice.

EarthWindFire Sat 09-Aug-14 00:09:21

They can take years correct but to say there will not be a legal c

EarthWindFire Sat 09-Aug-14 00:11:50

They can take years correct but to say there will not be a legal comeback isn't necessarily the case.

I agree that in this case it being a week late wouldn't fall into this however.

bunchoffives Sat 09-Aug-14 00:44:33

If the OP was being obstructive or non-cooperative in some way the court is likely to take a dim view and say so.

If the OP doesn't jump the minute her STBX says so the court won't care.

daisychain01 Sat 09-Aug-14 05:46:12

fairies I can thoroughly recommend you read the current thread called Dear STBXH on this Relationships board. The poster has a wonderful way of describing through her posts how her Ex manipulates and tries to bully her. And how she has become stronger and able to see his stupid games.

It will help you see that you can put up a strong emotional wall around yourself to protect yourself from the fear and abuse of someone who feels like a threat to you. And that you don't have to be afraid because they cant harm you in reality, they just try to make you scared, because they know you're vulnerable. Just keep working through your solicitor. Keep good records, and you'll be fine.

Xx

Fairies. I know this is a very stressful time but letters between solicitors at this stage often take more than a few days and there really are no 'consequences' involved even if you were delaying!

It took me ages to realise that just because my now ex-H 'demanded' things and worded them menacingly in a legal letter, it didn't make it 'true' or that I had to respond in the manner or time frame that he demanded.

Breathe. Ensure that you have the right response and keep records. Remember he could get a solicitor to write that he wishes you to become a an elephant by the morning (ludicrous example but to get my point across). It doesn't mean you have to or that you should spend time worrying that you can't.

Good luck.

fairiesatthebottomofthegarden Sat 09-Aug-14 06:42:55

Thank you allsmile feel much bettersmile all the legal stuff is daunting and I think I am still afraid of him and feel I need to reply - but like you say he can't do anything, I still haven't got this through to myself. A letter went yesterdaysmile he is good at getting what he wants and seems to be able to do what he used to do to me via solicitors. Off to read dear stbx thread - thank you

IUsedToUseMyHands Sat 09-Aug-14 07:15:05

STBX writes to me regularly, demanding replies within 14 days and posting his letters by recorded delivery. I just ignore them. If I were you I would explain my fear of the consequences to my solicitor and ask for some reassurance; keep copies of all correspondence and evidence that you have done your bit and sent the information to them; and try to stop worrying - you have legal represention. When you should start to worry is when your own solicitor is writing to you pressing the need for urgency.

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