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What do men want?

(109 Posts)
Reese123 Thu 07-Aug-14 21:44:17

What on earth are men looking for when looking at potential partners? I am so fed up of the weird blokes I meet, the men that are so fickle. Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this?

brokenhearted55a Thu 07-Aug-14 21:47:11

Totally feel that way.

Fickle, childish, or I get dumped for old hags or those with issues.

Feel I need to stop being normal.

Notsureaboutthisusername Thu 07-Aug-14 21:47:46

Ducked if I know!

gigglygirlygirl Thu 07-Aug-14 21:50:31

I have no freaking idea. Don't even know what my BF wants or sees in me.

FrankSaysNo Thu 07-Aug-14 21:53:21

I think my Dh is delusional - I wouldnt be married to me if you paid me .

botanicbaby Thu 07-Aug-14 22:01:11

Who cares?!

Why not think about what YOU want. What are you looking for in a partner?

bluevanman Thu 07-Aug-14 22:05:34

Usher said " I want a lady in the street and a freak in the sheets"

BeforeAndAfter Thu 07-Aug-14 22:13:35

I don't think many men know what they want. Mind you, not sure I do either confused

HumblePieMonster Thu 07-Aug-14 22:30:45

good-looking thin high-earning nymphos who suck cock and love anal.

i know that because I've been reading mn for a few years now.

Hatpin Thu 07-Aug-14 22:38:54

Well don't think you can generalize but one thing I've noticed among the 40-something dating pool is that many of the men leave no space between dating / relationships.

I've just spent two years deliberately not dating because I just felt I needed time on my own.

One date I met recently had split up with a LT partner 4 months ago, and said to me "I went on a date a month ago and I realised I wasn't ready, but a months a long time, isn't it"

Er no, it's four and a bit weeks. Plus his ex was still texting him and he was trying to go NC. I pretty much ran out of the door on that one.

I don't know if this is as common for women as it is for men but if you never spend any length of time on your own, especially after the end of a LT relationship / marriage, how can you possibly have dealt with the emotional fall out and moved on? Not to mention know what you want.

MMXIV Thu 07-Aug-14 22:39:44

I can only speak for myself but as a 41 year old single man, I know roughly what I want - a woman who is:

1) kind
2) caring
3) considerate
4) fun
5) patient
6) understanding
7) down-to-earth
8) easy-going
9) presentable
10) healthy-ish
11) keen to try for at least one (more?) child
12) not too materialistic
13) not too career-obsessed
14) not a gold-digger :-)

ie similar-ish to me - where on earth do I find her though?!

Fairylea Thu 07-Aug-14 22:43:41

I think men are as different as women really. They all want different things.

Dh is a slim, alternative looking heavily tattooed so and so in his twenties.

If you asked him what he wanted he'd have said he fancies curvy / slightly overweight women who are vaguely academic but not too bookish and are quite traditional as in wanting to stay home with the kids while he works.

And that's basically me. So alls good.

I don't think there's a typical answer.

justiceofthePeas Thu 07-Aug-14 22:46:41

In daily life I consider them to be not far off babies.
If they are unhappy they are probably hungry, or thirsty, or they need a pat of the back and a bit of a cuddle or if you are unlucky they have pooped.

Other than that they just want you to smile at them, make encouraging but meaningless noises when they try to communicate with you and to play with them some of the time.

grin

In a rs, fuck knows, they are all different aren't they? Although in my experience men are less into casual sex and more into commitment than fiction would have us believe damn it but the idea of a committed relationship to some men doesn't actually involve much effort.

theendoftheendoftheend Thu 07-Aug-14 22:47:00

I think you just described a fair few number of women there. And the usual list for a male partner too. Its more then that really isn't it. If its the 'right' person they might not even meet every point on your list. And if its not, it won't matter if they tick every point!

Reese123 Thu 07-Aug-14 22:47:17

Wow MMXIV - that's a long list. I just want someone who is caring and who I find attractive. Don't ask me where to find one of those, hence why I posted this question.

It's just truly frustrating when you are normal to meet so many weird blokes - e.g not genuine, so fickle it's not even funny and just strange.

I always just assume the good ones are all married. I wish someone had told me this early on in life....lol

theendoftheendoftheend Thu 07-Aug-14 22:48:33

Haha justice that was a great sum up!

MMXIV Thu 07-Aug-14 23:02:26

Reese - I find it takes a list at least as long as mine to deliver the two qualities you mentioned!

Normal-ish guys (like me?!) are out there as are normal-ish woman no doubt - just gotta keep hunting!

Reese123 Thu 07-Aug-14 23:45:12

It's so mentally exhausting though.......

brokenhearted55a Fri 08-Aug-14 09:20:24

I know roughly what I want - a woman who is:1) kind2) caring3) considerate4) fun5) patient6) understanding7) down-to-earth8) easy-going9) presentable10) healthy-ish11) keen to try for at least one (more?) child12) not too materialistic13) not too career-obsessed14) not a gold-digger :-)

I am all of those things.
Career together, earn good money, no baggage from previous relationships.

But the eligible professional guys I date have ended it with me for much older women living the other end of the country, one was with a clinically depressed much older woman for years and their lifestyles were polar opposites, they had two break ups in their time together. But when he meets me we date for a couple of months and says we have nothing in common?! Shame....I should have been laden with baggage and depression amd issues then.

fickleness, GOD!!!! When they meet an eligible woman with all the things on the list above they get cold feet. Most of them shouldnt be dating...because they get what they want and then dont want it.

MaliceInWonderland78 Fri 08-Aug-14 09:39:31

My single friends (and there are just a couple of them) just want normal relationships.

One pal, having found himself (temporarily) single for the first time in well over a decade, couldn't believe how much online dating had changed things. He went on a couple of dates, but said that it felt like he'd entered this entirely new sub-culture which seemed to be a bit of a conveyor belt. he said he had the sense that relationships were totally disposable becasue of the easy come, easy go conveneience of online dating.

He's now back with what should be his ex wife.

neiljames77 Fri 08-Aug-14 10:03:53

We're just as complex, diverse, insecure and complicated as anyone else.
We just, in general don't analyse things as much and are reluctant to seek or accept advice.

getthefeckouttahere Fri 08-Aug-14 11:20:24

i really really want a fancy weber BBQ. ;-)

UriGeller Fri 08-Aug-14 11:28:26

To be loved by someone who is worth giving their love to in return?

I guess men have baggage and weird emotional historical hang ups too. Its best if both people can leave their histories at the door and build a completely brand new relationship.

chaseface Fri 08-Aug-14 11:51:25

All these lists ignore the fact that attraction is complex. People can tick all of what we thought were our boxes and it still not work. The one who blows our minds can be a complete surprise.

From observing friends there are some generalities, but they probably hold for less than 50 per cent. A lot of men still have issues with women they perceive to be slutty. Success and ambition are threatening to some. Men rarely seem to trade down in looks the way women do.

normalishdude Fri 08-Aug-14 11:58:51

I would imagine that we all 'want' different things. Speaking for myself, my partner is down-to-earth, clever, talented, looks after herself and is kind and compassionate. Would they be stuff I 'wanted' in any new partner (if the need should ever arise?)- probably not; it would depend on the whole person TBH.

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