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Signs that your other half does not love you or when is it time to call it a day

(22 Posts)
tisrainingagain Thu 31-Jul-14 21:59:48

Sorry, a bit of a downer of a thread title but am interested to see what people might have to say as am pretty convinced that h does not have any loving feelings towards me...

Knowing when, if and how to call it a day is also difficult.

tweetypot Thu 31-Jul-14 22:00:46

I think when they don't care whether you're happy or not.

TiramiSue Thu 31-Jul-14 22:35:50

I am interested in this too. My dh knows i am unhappy, and it does bother him, but only because my being unhappy is an inconvenience to him, he feels guilty about my unhappiness but then this guilt is overtaken by the annoyance he feels with me for making him feel guilty.

So he really doesn't care how i feel, only insofar as it affects him and his life. sad

TheGoop Thu 31-Jul-14 22:41:54

Indifference.

Allbymyselfagain Thu 31-Jul-14 22:50:28

No communication, not caring if you are unhappy, not bothering when they know something annoys you. Lack of personal hygiene (my ex just stopped all personal grooming and i really felt if he cared about me he would make more of an effort) not making an effort with your friends and family.

Wishyouwould Thu 31-Jul-14 23:02:54

I remember telling my STBXH how unhappy I was and that I wanted to separate and his reply was 'well I'm happy' hmm

For me as well as the verbal abuse it was lack of interest in me (and my family), no affection, no intimacy, no communication. He would sit and pick his nose and eat it, clip his toenails and them eat them and he wondered why I didn't want to kiss him! He would sneer at me, tell jokes at my expense - god knows why I stayed so long!!

tisrainingagain Thu 31-Jul-14 23:05:55

Eat his bogeys and his toenails shock??

When day after day feels totally joyless, and you are forever wishing you were somewhere else. You feel totally alone and can never see things changing. Time to go - because nothing else could be any worse.

Wishyouwould Thu 31-Jul-14 23:11:42

Yes. When I told him it was gross he would just tell me to shut up. He would actually pick his nose while driving and if I mentioned it he would go into a foul mood. I should imagine he still does it.

tisrainingagain Thu 31-Jul-14 23:26:19

You wouldn't need anything else in the unreasonable behaviour section of the divorce papers!

Similarly my h sometimes picks his nose and when I tell him not to he says that he needs something for his breakfast (yuck).

TheDietStartsTomorrow Thu 31-Jul-14 23:36:54

Why are some of the make species so disgusting? grin My 16 year old DS, who is otherwise a total clean freak, keeping his bedroom spotless and going around the house organising things that are in disarray, has a disgusting habit of picking his bogies with such force. He twists his hand this way and that with his elbow at an angle and contorts his whole face to ''dig out the gold". hmm Drives me nuts.

Back to thread, I'd say that if you both found that you didn't make any effort to spend time together and found that you didn't even want to then there's no real point in staying together.

TheDietStartsTomorrow Thu 31-Jul-14 23:37:27

*male species, that is.

TillyWithercoat Fri 01-Aug-14 00:41:25

Doesn't want to contribute to any discussions about your future plans together.
Takes someone else to gatherings with his family.
Lack of personal hygeine.
Always being late for anything that involves you being together.
Doesn't support you emotionally when you have a crisis.
You realise your neighbour, who you hardly know, is showing more interest in you than he is.
You just know there must be more to life than this.

middleeasternpromise Fri 01-Aug-14 00:58:01

^ this and a total apathy about you being there

CarryOn90 Fri 01-Aug-14 01:14:46

What Tilly said. Just thinking "there must be more to life than this".

Wrapdress Fri 01-Aug-14 01:16:06

Wow I am amazed several people said deterioration of personal hygiene. Interesting! That's the opposite of when they are having affairs and they are all squeaky clean, smelling good, wearing their new shirts.....

tisrainingagain Fri 01-Aug-14 09:03:15

Thanks for your thoughts. I can safely conclude that h does indeed not love me sad.

As to what I do about it, that's a whole other can of worms.

Squidstirfry Fri 01-Aug-14 11:13:04

Sad place to be in. But so many relationships separate, you willl survive, come put the other end with a new life...

indecisivemeee Fri 01-Aug-14 11:15:28

From my experience, when someone becomes completely indifferent, stops making the effort with appearance, seems to be mentally elsewhere, blames you for everything going wrong while refusing to discuss the issue and starts criticising you all the time, it's time to walk away.

You will feel so much better for it. It will be hard at first but life is too short to be with someone who sees you as an option. You need to be with someone who loves you, makes your happiness one of their priorities and actively wants to be with you. Good luck.

Aussiebloke Fri 01-Aug-14 13:51:18

Lack of communication is the key. If a bloke can't be bothered to even notice your emotional response and question it then at that moment in time he doesn't love you.

Why don't you try communicating with him your thoughts and desires. A lack of response from such direct communication or hostility would indicate that there is indeed no love.

Fairylea Fri 01-Aug-14 13:56:07

For me it was definitely true about the disregard for personal hygiene. My now ex just wouldn't wash for days and would spend all day slobbing about in a disgusting dressing gown that he couldn't be bothered to wash and pants that had massive holes in. Just vile. Then of course when he went out for a night out he'd spend hours in the bathroom and come out all fresh and clean in a shirt etc etc. Clearly just couldn't be bothered for me.

He also started to resent sharing finances with me - even though he was the one who was awful with money. He just one day snapped and said he'd had enough of the joint account and not being able to spend whatever he wanted and he was putting all his money elsewhere.

Oh and he didn't love me. Just as flippantly as that.

7 years of marriage down the pan and he went back to the girlfriend he had before me he'd made contact with on Facebook.

indecisivemeee Fri 01-Aug-14 14:30:14

Fairylea my ex before current DP was like that. It used to upset me that when we went out together, he'd dress in sloppy clothes, often covered in paint or mud and his hair was a mess, no shower, no effort whatsoever.

Then whenever he went on a night out with friends, he'd shower, wear really smart clothes, make an effort with styling his hair. It really speaks volumes when someone can't be bothered to make the effort for you but will do it for other people.

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