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He just doesn't care about me :-(

(78 Posts)
Curlycurlysue Thu 31-Jul-14 20:54:25

We are supposed to be getting married in June next year but he never brings it up, never mentions it and never talks about it if I bring it up. He's said we'll "discuss and book in october" and now he tells me he's going away in October. All I said to him was "can you reassure me that we will still organise and book our wedding in october in spite of you going away?" and he went off on a massive huff being sarcastic saying "no, I will never discuss marriage with you because I'm an awful, horrible person!" and he's now saying he's reconisdering marrying me at all because of "my behaviour". I feel he's just playing with my insecurities, he knows I'm paranoid that he doesn't really want to get married and he's actually playing with it,

I'm heartbroken. All I wanted was reassurance that he wouldn't use work as an excuse not to organise our wedding (past experiences - he won't concentrate on anything if something else is looming first).

He won't give me the reassurance, he just rips the piss out of me, does impressions of me and hurts me. I don't understand why. Im sat here with tears rolling down my face. I give up, I really do.

SweetErmengarde Thu 31-Jul-14 20:58:43

Why do you want to marry this person? He sounds like a bully.

flux500 Thu 31-Jul-14 21:00:40

If you marry him this is what your life will be like op. Is that what you really want? He sounds like an arse from what you've said.

tribpot Thu 31-Jul-14 21:00:46

I don't think you're paranoid, I think he doesn't want to get married. Plus I think he's getting a kick out of hurting your feelings. Thank god he showed his true colours before the wedding. Move on.

RickyDinkPanther Thu 31-Jul-14 21:01:30

Do you think his behaviour will be any different once you're married?

thestamp Thu 31-Jul-14 21:01:48

Come on love, you don't want to marry this kind of person anyway. he sounds really horrible.

magoria Thu 31-Jul-14 21:01:48

In my opinion he doesn't want to marry you and he is using any excuse to make it your fault.

You have several choices. Plan it all alone and present him with a done deal.

Hope he will come around, talk and make arrangements with you, leaving you hurt if he doesn't.

Reconsider if you want to stay with let alone marry someone who just rips the piss out of me, does impressions of me and hurts me.

His attitude to you will NOT get better with time. Is this what you want for your future?

Depending what you want next June you may find you are already out of time to book some places/things.

Curlycurlysue Thu 31-Jul-14 21:04:41

He's going away with work. that's fine. Ive said that's fine, I'm not bothered about that. All I want is reassurance that our wedding planning will go ahead as planned and that he will let me know dates so that I can try and arrange alternate company for other stuff we have planned. That's reasonable isn't it????? anyway he throws back as me a load of sarcasm "oh I'll give you the MD's number and you can ask him" "oh no, I couldn't possibly arrange a marriage, I'm too awful" etc etc ... why cant he just talk to me like an adult??? I'm so sick of crying over him

Branleuse Thu 31-Jul-14 21:06:33

why are you desperate for a shit marriage rather than just a shit relationship?

thestamp Thu 31-Jul-14 21:06:42

he doesn't talk to you like an adult because he's horrible. no-one who loves you should make you sick of crying over them. that's awful. you two should not be together.

are you honestly still thinking you should marry him?

Whocansay Thu 31-Jul-14 21:11:37

OP, why have you started a new thread? Did you think you would get different answers if you started a new one?

He's still a vile, controlling bully, however you look at it. You can choose to walk away you know.

Curlycurlysue Thu 31-Jul-14 21:13:25

I just don't understand why he's such a twat to me all the time. I really don't understand it. I said I didn't care that he was going away, just that I didn't want to miss out on stuff I'd been looking forward to (but was happy to rearrange with other people) then he just turned on me saying he was reconsidering our entire relationship because of it?????!!!??

scaevola Thu 31-Jul-14 21:13:49

If he is saying that he's "reconsidering" marrying you, then you are going to have to face that, at risk of using a cliche, it means "he's just not that in to you". In such circumstances it doesn't matter whether you are reasonable or not.

thestamp Thu 31-Jul-14 21:17:23

you're asking yourself why the man you want to marry is a twat to you all the time.

two things:
1. because he's a twat
2. you would be beyond stupid to marry him

your other thread is here. you seemed to have abandoned it? the response was unanimous there too... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2143041-DP-becoming-very-bossy-and-controlling-Red-Flags?pg=1

magoria Thu 31-Jul-14 21:17:57

He's a twat to you because he wants to be.

Because this is what he really thinks of you.

Because this is how much he cares about you.

Most importantly because despite him being such a twat to you all the time you still put up and shut up and want to marry him.

Curlycurlysue Thu 31-Jul-14 21:18:14

But why won't he just have the balls to tell me???? I just want him to grow a pair and say "look, I don't want to marry you". Instead he keeps up this ridiculous bullshit

ArsenicFaceCream Thu 31-Jul-14 21:21:25

Why don't you tell him?

You sound nice. He sounds horrible.

In what sane universe would he be the one calling it off?

Baddderz Thu 31-Jul-14 21:22:00

Leave.
And don't look back.

magoria Thu 31-Jul-14 21:22:49

All the time he doesn't tell you, you carry on cooking, cleaning, having sex doing all the nice things.

If he tells you then who is going to do all the things you do?

Curlycurlysue Thu 31-Jul-14 21:25:00

Ok so be honest - October comes, there are going to be no wedding plans are there? he's setting me up for that already isn't he

I just want to cry, I feel exhausted with it all

magoria Thu 31-Jul-14 21:27:42

Why do you want this wedding?

To this man. Who treats you with such contempt?

Don't you think you deserve better?

Baddderz Thu 31-Jul-14 21:28:16

I'm sure you do.
It is exhausting living a lie

ArsenicFaceCream Thu 31-Jul-14 21:29:25

If October comes and there are wedding plans you still have a problem as far as I can see.

First rule for a happy marriage is to marry someone who is nice to you and treats you well but you say "I just don't understand why he's such a twat to me all the time."

Sorry sad

LizzieVereker Thu 31-Jul-14 21:29:31

You sound nice. Please, please leave this poor excuse for a partner.

missmash Thu 31-Jul-14 21:31:19

Why were you waiting until October to start planning anyway? Surly you can start getting ideas now.
Did he suggest that time frame? It sounds like he is stalling. As hideous as it will be, leaving him is the only way, please don't try and push him into a marriage he doesn't want.

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