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MIL is sabotaging our wedding.

(159 Posts)
dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 15:43:01

She texted me on Monday evening – but addressed the text to my H2B – calling me petty and saying there was a major problem with her daughter trying on the bridesmaid dress saying “every bride would want there Bridesmaids to look their best – don’t you think???” I ignored it – and Hubby 2b called her and explained the dresses were elsewhere and until we had them the bridesmaid could then come and try it on...

Roll on to this past Saturday night…

She caused an argument with my sister at my hen do, she grabbed my sister, and was shouting in her face, my sister gave her as good as she got - we spoke on the Sunday and just said to just forget it - she then woke up on the Monday morning and texted me saying she wanted a full apology from my sister (who is married herself with kids) to go to her with my mum and dad so they can hear her apologise....or else she fears something will happen on the wedding day as HER family are aware of what has happened and are not happy....

I texted back she isn't going to get an apology and how dare she ask when she is the one causing all her own upset (not the first argument she has caused the last time she has been nose to nose with me at our friends wedding - who she has since texted to tell them she is worried about my H2B - and she is not a liar and is not a trouble maker...this is 11pm at night)

she has told me, and H2B's friends - and her family - that they will all not be attending H2B's wedding as I am scum, and if he chooses her over me and THAT family then he can f8ck off out of her house and never come back. – (we already live together and I was at the bottom of the stairs) – he came running down after more shouting and screaming and we left. He was heartbroken. I spent the night consoling him.

He’s dad came over Tuesday night after we had been to marriage preparation and backed up what his mother said – she wont come to wedding until she gets an apology – my sister wont be giving an apology as she has done nothing wrong. My friends saw what happened (the one she texted) – me and hubby quite rightly couldn’t care less who said what or started what – we just want this to be dropped and forgotten about so we can get married in peace!!

She was screaming that he was her first love, her first born, her first son. Is she struggling that her son is now growing up and becoming a man?

His sister, as much as she says doesn’t want to get involved – then proceeds to text him through the night….telling him that she misses him, he is her big brother – always will be, and will stick by him whatever he decides…(?) basically acting as if he is emigrating.

The church, cars, venue, tog, dresses, shoes, presents have all been bought. I am heartbroken. I am gutted she could do this to her son - and also to have no respect for me. It's my wedding. I am the bride - not her. He hasn't chosen any sides, we don't know how the argument started. She said my sister was probably jealous that I was getting all the attention on my hen night. She arranged it - because I arranged hers years ago.

He is due to go and see her tonight and have a heart to heart with her. She will probably try and turn him against me. He said he will walk out but she is manipulating him by saying no one will come to the wedding. I don't know if he could go through with it without his family - they mean the world to him and she knows it. He said it will happen 100% with or without them and is adamant he wants to sit down and talk things through with his mum sensibly.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 31-Jul-14 15:48:39

I'd cancel the wedding. Tell H2B that you're not signing up to join a dysfunctional family. Seriously

Mintyy Thu 31-Jul-14 15:51:15

Yes, you can't marry him!

Pagwatch Thu 31-Jul-14 15:54:03

You can say fuck on here.

I think he is going to have to ban her.

OnaPromise Thu 31-Jul-14 15:57:25

I wouldn't want anything to do with her ever again after that and I wouldn't want her at my wedding. I don't think your dp should go and speak to her.

She has made threats about behaving badly at the wedding, take her at her word.

TheTerribleBaroness Thu 31-Jul-14 16:00:50

Marry him and emigrate.

Sounds very dramatic. Why don't you just take the wind out of her sails and ignore all of the behaviour - you and your H2B?

Disengage and don't talk to anyone about it. If she chooses not to some to the wedding then she really is showing her true colours. Your H2B should do the same. People llike this thrive on causing drama, and don't know what to do if just ignored.

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:07:42

I don't want him to go to her - I would want her to sit and wallow in self pity for a long time. His dad told him to go and speak to her. Being the loyal son and not wanting to upset anyone - he will go and have poison dripped into his ear, come home, confused and upset again.

I would LOVE to fuck it all off and bugger off abroad to get married - I cant see him doing that.....but then I suppose I might as well take this ring off and move back home eh.

Squidstirfry Thu 31-Jul-14 16:08:51

You will be signing up for this sort of nonsense for the rest of your life if you marry him.
Why can't your H2B stand up to his mother?

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:09:54

he said the wedding will go ahead with or without them. I am torn - why should one person ruin everything for everyone else. But I also don't want trouble at my wedding.

Did I mention she has paid for the reception...

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:11:12

he wants to see her tonight to stand up for himself. something he has never done. I told him we need respect and boundaries as a couple from his family. Instead of them moaning how it's all 'one sided' - fuck, I have done more with them in the last few years I have ever done with my own family.

Vitalstatistix Thu 31-Jul-14 16:14:10

her first love? that's creepy as hell.

I think that how he chooses to respond to all this, who he chooses to prioritise, will set the tone for your life together, so I'd watch carefully and make a choice based on the outcome of tonight.

You have to ask yourself if you want to sign up to a lifetime of this.

goshhhhhh Thu 31-Jul-14 16:16:22

Elope.

starfishmummy Thu 31-Jul-14 16:16:31

I really don't understand.

She wants an apology from your sister so why is she asking you and why are you saying "no" on your sisters behalf?



You all sound just as bad as each other tbh.

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:16:43

I love him. we are perfect other than his fucked up selfish pricks of a family. I'm so angry, emotionally drained - and sick of her crazy shit.

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:18:20

she hasn't got my sisters number - and how I am as bad?

If you want a life of this narcissistic, toxic woman ruining everything then you carry on.
But there have been many many threads on here regarding this kind of thing and it never ends well.
Unless of course your H2B is willing to cut his family out of his life.
Or at least stand up to them.
Unfortunately he's been conditioned for years and years and getting him out of the FOG is not an easy thing to do.
He could do with reading this www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Legacy-Reclaiming/dp/0553814826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406820195&sr=8-1&keywords=toxic+parents
Or maybe even somethign like this www.amazon.co.uk/Children-Self-absorbed-Grown-ups-Getting-Narcissistic/dp/1572245611/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406820223&sr=8-1&keywords=narcissistic+parents
And you could do with www.amazon.co.uk/Toxic--Laws-Strategies-Protecting-Marriage-ebook/dp/B003WJRE4Q/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406820276&sr=1-1&keywords=toxic+in+laws

Seriouslyffs Thu 31-Jul-14 16:26:32

Send your sister a text saying your bonkers mil is kicking off and please could she apologise for the hen night although you know it wasn't her fault but it's going to ruin the day. Make sure you send it to her not your mil.
Then emigrate.

Vitalstatistix Thu 31-Jul-14 16:27:30

I'm sure you are. I hope it gets sorted, I really do. I hope your partner is able to put some boundaries in place. Otherwise, imagine how sick you'll be of it in 25 years and when your kids (assuming you will want/will have them) have grown up having to deal with it too!

Many a marriage has sunk under the weight of impossible inlaws because of an inability to deal effectively with difficult people.

Good luck and I hope it works out well for you. It sounds like a tricky situation.

kinkyfuckery Thu 31-Jul-14 16:32:22

I would be furious with him for being spineless.

And I would be furious with MIL and your sister for acting like children on your Hen Night.

Vitalstatistix Thu 31-Jul-14 16:32:34

how odd. this has just popped up on my fb

www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/25/mother-in-law-_n_5621388.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

my pc is spying on me hmm

Baddderz Thu 31-Jul-14 16:32:57

Run.
Away.
Fast.

Finola1step Thu 31-Jul-14 16:33:15

If she describes her own son as "her first love" then there is some serious, deep rooted family issues going on here.

I have a ds. He is my first born. I love him to the ends if the Earth. I love my dd just the same. I would never describe either of them as "my first love". Very odd.

I strongly suspect that you will never reach an understanding. You can't reason with the unreasonable. However all is not lost.

On the positive side, you know the situation before getting married. It would have been much worse if true colours were shown after the wedding.

But be very clear. She wants you gone. She does not like you and your family, she probably never will. She is jealous of you and from reading threads from countless women on here, the jealousy will only get worse if you have children.

So, before you get married, decide what your ground rules are. Marry in the full knowledge that your dh is in a terrible position. You will have to have a very frank discussion with your dp about what you will and wont tolerate. If you do go ahead with the wedding, I would be inclined to pay her back every penny she had spent on the reception. Do not be indebted to this horrible woman.

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:41:07

I am furious. Although I love my sister dearly - I know she wouldn't of instigated an argument. MIL on the other hand....

I am heartbroken. Furious. Shocked. Frustrated. Worried.

dimplesinmybuttcheeks Thu 31-Jul-14 16:42:31

My sister wouldn't of held back at MIL2B...she knows she a crazy bitch from how she went off at me previously. Wanting us to spend our honeymoon visiting relatives who cannot afford to come to the wedding - and using our wedding gift money to pay for it.

Gets better doesn't it.

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