I posted a while ago under different name explaining my mums selfish behaviour since my childhood. Always felt her needs came first and her emotional wellbeing was more important than my own. Also that following splitting from my dad when I was 9, subsequent men in her life have also been more important than me and my dsis.
Anyway, returning to present. My mum split from step dad last year after a few years of unhappiness. She made him miserable with her constant criticism and lack of affection etc. she refused to work on the marriage or engage in marriage counselling that my step dad suggested. However, when they split she played the role of victim very well, stating to me at one point 'none of this is my fault'. Has subsequently fallen out with her own dp's, dsis and db since too.
A big issue for me though is that after they split she suddenly disclosed to me and my dsis that she had suspicions that my step dad was a peodophile, citing examples of when my niece was a baby and how he once stared when my mum changed her nappy and another time again with my niece but when she was older and he picked her up and was lifting her up and down and her leg was rubbing on his crotch. These were the only examples she gave us and spoke of how it made her feel uneasy. Of course, me and dsis confronted her as to why, if she had these doubts, did she stay with him (niece is now 11). She just responded that she wished she had said something sooner and she would never have left him alone with any of the grandchildren! Me and dsis do not believe this of our step dad and I suggested to mum that perhaps she lied as a way to spread a malicious lie about him (she hated him still having contact with us all, despite him being the only grandad they have ever known). She insisted she hadn't so I suggested this showed again her putting her own needs first before her kids/grand kids which she didn't say much about.
Since this she has expected us all to 'forget' this accusation she made and play happy families again with her and her new partner (whom she met on dating website she originally went on to stalk my step dad! They moved in together within month of meeting!). I have suggested to her I don't want my kids going around their house as I as don't know new partner and how can not know that several years down the line she could make accusations about him (whether true or not!).
She really doesn't seem to get the enormity of what she's said and how I'm finding it hard to move our relationship forward from this as to me it explicitly demonstrates how she considers her own needs first and an inability to consider how things are for other people. I haven't spoken to her for a while whilst I'm getting my head around things still (this is just one of many issues I have but def one of biggest ones!) but am due to meet up with her next week to talk further. How would you move forward??
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Relationships
Can I move on and have a relationship with my mum after what's happened?
21 replies
Worryworker · 29/07/2014 21:48
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