I am completely drained and unhappy

[summertimereds]

Please, please help me with any useful words of advice or anything, really ... I just want to cry.

I can't cope with my brother. This throws up all sorts of 'why do you have to' questions - he's the only family member I've got, though, and he does need support.

He's Aspergers. This has been obvious in hindsight for many years. God, I don't even know where to start.

1. He has absolutely no friends there are a small handful from school days who seem to keep in touch through pity but in some ways this makes it worse as there are a number of events like weddings and nights out he's banned from due to offending so many people. Then he sees them on Facebook and obviously this is upsetting. He gets 'warnings' like - look, come out but we aren't going to be talking about the old days. I know what they mean: he annoys a lot of people by talking endlessly about the 'good old days' which basically means 'when we all sat round smoking weed.' Friends are now policemen, teachers, solicitors, and don't want to be reminded of these 'good old days'!
   

1. He has never held down a proper job. He's had a couple, interspersed with periods of unemployment/casual agency work/further study, but he is 36 this winter and has never had more than 2 and a half years at work.
   

1. Sits around all day shirtless, then goes to bed at about 8 o clock in the evening. If I suggest going to see a relative or a walk he just doesn't want to.
   

1. Relationships, or lack of relationships, never had a proper girlfriend. The girlfriends and wives of people he knows hate him and generally 'forbid' their husbands to have anything to do with him which has led of course to him being massively isolated. He's lonely. I used the laptop the other day and found details of escorting websites - no idea if he uses them or not, it wouldn't surprise me.
   

And then there is a huge massive list of small but unbelievably anti social habits. Talking LOUDLY. Walking around with no shirt on. Eating with his mouth full. Getting drunk and being totally inappropriate, doing tae kwondo moves in the middle of a pub - putting stupid Facebook updates as long as this post, asking me loudly in the middle of a funeral when I was offering my sympathies to the deceased sister if I had cleaned my teeth that day (I actually had tonsillitis) talking incessantly about how he feels sorry for Madeleine mccanns parents but then GIGGLING (?)

I've made him sound awful, and the awful, awful thing is, he is. He is crude, boorish, enjoys other people's upsets and downfalls, inappropriate and rude.

But he's my BROTHER? I can't just turn my back on him. Please what can I do ? I am paying for counselling but it's me who needs it I think!

[HumblePieMonster]

Yes, definitely, get yourself some counselling.

You can't change him. Its in the way his synapses do whatever they do, I think. Is he better-looking than the average person? Not all Aspies are, but a significant group have that advantage. Or, maybe, we just look better to each other. Its not all a one-way street. If he's lucky, he'll have some useful Asperisms.

Does he live with you? Do you have the burden of his 'way of being' all the time?

[summertimereds]

Thanks :)

Looks wise he is nice looking. But his teeth are dreadful, and he wears tatty, torn clothes several sizes too big for him! This does NOT help with trying to integrate himself into having a social life.

I've nothing against reuse of clothing but one of his best shirts is a band touring one from 2001 which I do think is indicative of his dress sense!

I am his main - only - point of social contact so I do feel pressured. Plus everyone asks how he is all the time. I hate that I'm so intertwined with him.

[heyday]

I can't even begin to comprehend how hard this must be for you and all credit to you for not turning your back on him. The National Autistic Society gives masses of support for those with on the autistic spectrum and those with Aspergers. Google them and give them a call. They may well be able to provide all sorts of support and advice which is obviously desperately needed right now. Please look after yourself too or else your own health will suffer. I wish you both all the luck in the world.

[summertimereds]

Thanks :) really kind message, I just feel like crying. I feel as if the way I see the world is odd as there's so little he understands.

His latest obsession is bullying, workplace bullying in particular. He wasn't sacked from his last job but was forced to resign. He was bullied, apparently - but then when I was moaning about an insensitive remark someone made to me at work once, he told some relatives I was being bullied at work, and I'm not He said it so proudly as well 'I've told everyone about how you're being bullied!' WTF???