Sorry if this is a bit jumbled.
I ended my relationship two days ago and I feel like shit. I thought I'd feel relieved that it's finally over but I don't.
The back story: we were together about 2 years. Things were good mostly, he was caring, loving, generous, good with my dc (.most of the time) and I really thought we had a future together. We had been planning on moving in together as soon as we could get the deposit together for a four bed house (I have 2 dc 17 and 2, he has 1 dc 11). We had talked about kids and he knew from very early on that I would've liked to have had another at some point in the future and He agreed.
Things changed dramatically 7 months ago (early December 13). I fell pregnant. It wasn't planned, I was on the pill and it was a huge shock for us both. I told him straight away. His response was. "I don't want it". He then proceeded to completely ignore me, went away to stay with friends across the country, ignored me more (no calls, texts ect).
Long story short, I had a termination. I regretted it instantly (still do) but in the run up to it (2 weeks) he was so unpleasant towards me, angry and distant. I was left to arrange it all and deal with it myself. I felt like I had no other option. I've been a single parent for 17 yrs and I was terrified of doing it all over again. Even as I was waiting in the clinic (alone) I was texting him saying I really wanted to leave and not do it. No response from him. I feel like he lied to me. Just said what sounded good at the time but never had any intention of us having a baby together. I felt/feel like I was tricked into a relationship with him because if he had been dead set against having a dc with me I probably wouldn't have pursued the relationship and he knew this.
Since then things haven't been right. He wants me to be loving and affectionate towards him. I can't. All I can think about is how he treated me and left me to deal with the termination alone. Only one week after the procedure (that he knew I was upset about) he thought it was ok to start telling me that "so and so" is pregnant and "isn't that exciting for them". I still feel so sad about the termination. I feel like crying when I see happy couples with their babies or pregnant women with their partners. I also find myself feeling bitter and wondering what was so wrong with me that it ended up this way.
He's never really apologised for how he treated me, and tbh if he did it wouldn't mean much, words are only words, actions count for more imo.
He tells me constantly how much he loves me and how much he wants our life together but I just don't trust him anymore. If he could do that to me then, he could do anything and I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that just don't trust (or even like some of the time). No one knows that this happened, mainly because I felt/feel so ashamed about it. Most people see him as a great guy. Will do anything for anyone, that type.
I don't know why I feel like shit. I should be happy that I've finally found the courage to end it. I've been wanting to since dec but haven't. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I didn't want to be alone again. I don't even know if I love him anymore, but even if I do it doesn't change anything. It's a complete mess!
I'm not sure what I expect to get out of this thread but it feels good to 'say' all of this this because I can't in RL.
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Relationships
To feel shit about ending my relationship (long...sorry)
Sparklypants · 24/07/2014 20:36
You're grieving the "might have been". Thats perfectly understandable after any break up but especially when he treated you so horribly over your pregnancy. Your grief for your baby is probably intermingled in there too, have you had counselling about the termination? A termination that you want is traumatic enough but one you dont want is another level of hurt, I've been there too :(
The relief will come, but for now let the tears flow if they want to, its part of the healing process.
And may I say? Good for you. You could have stayed with him out of fear of being alone, leaving him took a special kind of strength. You knew that this man didnt deserve you, you know that you deserve better than him and kicked him to the kerb. You will be ok, I am sure of it xx
OP I think you were never so alone than when he left you to face a termination by yourself 
I think anyone would feel like you do now so don't fight it, it's a normal reaction to a painful time. And I second Bogey - good for you for getting rid.
Thank you everyone. it's so nice to be able to 'talk' about this finally.
well done. I am so sorry you had to go through the termination alone, he really let you down big time.
You are sad because you are mourning the future you thought you would have with the man you thought he was--unfortunately he let you down in such a horrific way that there was no coming back from that.
Emotionally it takes time to recover from a termination/experience that you had and l am not surprised that it took so long for you to ditch the tosser--but you have done so and now it's onwards and upwards. Better things are round the corner.
Don't be surprised if he come crawling around-you have to stay strong 
The last thing you are is pathetic.
I am so sorry you had to go through that alone. This man does not deserve you - hold your head up high and well done for walking away
This is the best I've felt for quite a while. Thank you everyone for taking the time to post such supportive messages.
Knowledgeispower, I'm so glad that you've made it through! Thank you for sharing and offering such good advice
What a complete and utter bastard.
He tells me constantly how much he loves me and wants our life together
What an absolute crock of shite. This man went incommunicado when you were pregnant with his child then came back like 'nothing had happened' when you'd had the termination?
The fact that you had him back astounds me, let alone that you stuck it out for seven months.
I never use the C word - which is occasionally used on this forum 
... but in the case of your ex it couldn't be more apt. He is a C of the highest order.
I'm sorry you are feeling like shit - but you know as everyone else reading your post will know - you have absolutely done the right thing a thousand times over.
Your ex is completely hollow: full of talk, but with no real feelings.
He says he loves you, but that doesn't have any meaning. No loving person would have left you to face that experience alone, or treat you the way he did. In fact, no-one with a shred of kindness or decency would have done that.
You have done the right thing in ending the relationship, and I hope you feel better soon 
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I know this thread is a bit old now but I just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who took the time to reply.
Exp has started to bombard me with texts telling me he loves me and that he can't just let go. I've been rereading this thread in an attempt to stay strong and not give in, because ultimately I agree with everything that's been written by you all. He wants to meet up and he's even gone so far as to offer me an all expenses paid holiday abroad!
Thanks guys. You all deserve for helping me stay stong.
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