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Disrespectful

(30 Posts)
onemoresmartie Sun 20-Jul-14 10:53:56

I hooked up with a guy last night who I have been with before and he took me out on a few dates a little while ago then once he got what he wanted he didn't bother with me...then last night we did the deed and he literally left straight after just got up and left. blush

I feel so used and degraded

Do I let him know or just cut him out? (Which I did do last time)

SomethingAboutNothing Sun 20-Jul-14 10:54:50

Cut him out and don't go back there again!

Deftones Sun 20-Jul-14 10:56:18

Don't do it again! Chalk it down to experience and find someone worthy of you! you're worth much more

Walkacrossthesand Sun 20-Jul-14 10:58:34

How did it go from 'he didn't bother with me' to 'last night we did the deed' - did he call you up (ergo booty call, you'll know to decline next time), did you make contact with him (maybe inadvertently sending 'I'm up for it' message...)
Either way, he's not worth the time of day from now on. Think on it just long enough to learn from it, then put it behind you.

DaddyBeer Sun 20-Jul-14 10:59:54

How about both?

Come on, onemore, you know you're worth more than this!

onemoresmartie Sun 20-Jul-14 11:02:16

The problem is that I don't think i am worth more.....I saw him out in a bar

Deftones Sun 20-Jul-14 11:04:18

Well start telling yourself you are worthy of more than just a shag once in a while. Your self esteem is low, I have low self esteem too, so you have to kick yourself up the arse and fake it till you make it.

You'll soon believe you're worth more than this. Just keep on telling yourself

DaddyBeer Sun 20-Jul-14 11:07:12

Okay, but you must do to some extent because a) you've posted here, and b) you've considered letting him know.

I would suggest, just having a little think about what you'd say to him, maybe in a text if you have his number. What would you say?

Dirtybadger Sun 20-Jul-14 11:11:42

I would leave it. Next time he contacts you/tries it on, let him know then. Honestly if you contact him now with a disappointed text and he really is an aresehole...he won't care. He'll be more likely to consider it when he thinks he's in for another shag, sometimes, and gets a rejection for the reason you give him (you're a bit of a dick).

Everytime you're tempted by this crap remember the feeling you have now. And then remember how it feels to go home alone, have a couple of squares of chocolate/similiar, abs a peaceful nights sleep. insert masturbation if necessary
It's not worth it.

onemoresmartie Sun 20-Jul-14 11:12:11

I feel like saying just for future reference it's not nice to do that to women and he made me feel worthless

Dirtybadger Sun 20-Jul-14 11:12:49

And life could always be worse. You could be me. Incapable of bloody spelling. Argh!

CanaryYellow Sun 20-Jul-14 11:15:27

Really please don't text him. He won't care, he doesn't care. It'll be water off a ducks back.

Save it for the next time he tries to 'hook up' with you - because there will be a next time, and take great pleasure in looking at him like he's just crawled from under a rock and telling him no way.

Vivacia Sun 20-Jul-14 11:17:30

He already knows that it's not a nice thing to do. I would advise you not to tell him, and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how bad you feel.

In future act as though you're worth more, you'll start to believe it.

DaddyBeer Sun 20-Jul-14 11:18:45

Dirty I agree that if he's an arsehole then he won't care. But a tiny tiny part of him might just feel a sting were he to receive a rebuke.

Also I see your argument for just leaving it and not wasting the energy, but I'm also guessing onemore would probably like to do something to feel better about herself. To strike while the iron is hot - she sounds pissed off!

niceupthedance Sun 20-Jul-14 11:18:50

I had this happen to me once and I called him out on it at the time he was doing it (getting dressed). I think the time for saying anything in your situation has passed, unless like pp say, he tries to get in your pants again.

Don't feel bad about it, he is a total weapon. Just move on and try and do something nice for yourself.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 20-Jul-14 11:21:32

Tip: Pick someone up in a bar and they're probably not thinking about what happens as a precursor to a long and happy relationship. Pick someone up who you already know is a ONS merchant and you can't really blame them for acting the same way again.

Please work on your self-esteem rather than telling this man he's hurt your feelings. What makes you think you're not worth more?

Walkacrossthesand Sun 20-Jul-14 11:26:08

There are plenty of women who are happy to have ONS, so unless he lied to you, promised you the moon on a stick to get you into bed, he hasn't actually done anything wrong, has he? Sounds like you had all sorts of hopes pinned on what would happen afterwards - while he was just in it for a shag. Lesson learned, I hope.

onemoresmartie Sun 20-Jul-14 11:30:15

I kind of didn't expect him to literally get dressed and leave straight away - I might as well of been a prostitute

I'm going to put it down to experience and just never go there again - she says for the 4th time blush

Alcohol clouds judgement

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 20-Jul-14 11:30:43

Were you sober? It might have seemed like a good idea at the time. At some point in the evening you had an opportunity to make the decision to be with him again knowing what happened last time. If you have shaky self esteem he wasn't the safest bet was he. He probably couldn't believe his luck. Of course you are worth more.

I don't think I would bother letting him know how you felt unless you are sure you have got him out of your system.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 20-Jul-14 11:33:08

Right so you'd had a few drinks. Lay off the demon drink next time. Avoid the bar you saw him in. Maybe abstain from men altogether for a while.

DaddyBeer Sun 20-Jul-14 11:35:46

Lots of supportive advice here onemore. But you know yourself best. It's working out whether you'll regret not saying anything, for your own sake, because it may well fall on deaf ears. Or would it make a difference to follow through on your instinct?

Either way, I'd block his number. If you text and he replies, you'll never know (and would you want to?) but you get the last word. If you don't, you still never hear from him again. No downside.

hesterton Sun 20-Jul-14 12:18:58

I think you're wrong to see yourself as a victim here. You had a shag out of it as much as he did.

See it as mutual using of each other- doesn't sound like he was ever going to be boyfriend material.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 20-Jul-14 12:26:16

It's not disrespectful if that's what has happened in the past and you seem happy enough to repeat it.

LEMmingaround Sun 20-Jul-14 12:26:55

At least you were spared his beer breath in the morning. Just move on and don't go there again.

Personally I think SLEEPING with someone is what you do when you are in a relationship and wouldn't want a ons to be around in the mornib.g. but im weird smile

DaddyBeer Sun 20-Jul-14 13:03:22

onemore may have had a shag, but where's her warm fuzzy feeling? For reasons known to herself, I think she thought/hoped it might have been more than that. A lesson to be learned perhaps, but it doesn't sound like it was a mutual arrangement.

To leave straight afterwards - unless that was expected, known or even deemed likely - is shabby behaviour and onemore's feelings about it are valid.

With respect, I think it goes a bit deeper than "she knew what she was getting into", etc.

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