I am sitting at work and this is all I can think about. I don't know whether it's me being insecure, paranoid or...I simply don't know. So apologies if I am just rambling on but writing it down and hearing what others have to say (regardless of whether I agree or like what their opinions!) always seems to help me get some perspective.
DP made himself unemployed a few months ago and has struggled to find a job. Money-wise, he's paying his way so no problems there but I have no idea when his money is going to run out. I only mention this because there's a part of me that's scared that I am being used (which doesn't make sense as he spends as much as I do if not more on groceries, etc and even before, he's always gone out of his way to make sure that we have really good, hearty meals on the table) and because I feel that he's getting up to no good as a result of having so much free time at home.
First there are the random emails to his ex-wife (divorced 8 years ago, sees her every other week when he sees his children) such as "Just sat down with a cake and a coffee...". I can't say that I've come across anything that I would describe as inappropriate but... Then he's been looking up porn and lots of sex pictures of women. And searching exes... I know, I shouldn't have snooped but do you ever get the gut instinct that tells you that something is up?
And again, I wonder how much of it is down to me being terribly insecure! He drops me off and picks me up from work every day, makes my lunch, makes dinner, shops, sends me nice messages and is always thinking of things for us to do. At home, we get on incredibly well and I have his undivided attention. He's always been rather protective of his phone but by the same token, he very rarely checks it but it's always face down and after a couple of incidents, he's obviously changed his settings so that the message no longer displays on the screen.
We went weeks without me feeling unsettled or suspicious but I now feel on full alert, so to speak. I went on a huge snooping mission this morning, trying to get confirmation of my so-called 'gut instinct' is telling me to watch out for. It probably back-fired big time though as I ended up finding a memory stick with lots of sex photos of him with his ex from 3-4 years ago and videos too - not what you want to see, trust me.
I try to put myself in his shoes in terms of being at home. I've done my bit of mindless googling or internet searching, checking out whatever somebody is up to just out of sheer boredom when I've had a bit too much time in my hands. And I am guessing that although he's created this situation himself, and he won't admit it, it can't be doing him any good applying for all these jobs (and he is genuinely doing as shown during snooping sessions) but not getting anywhere.
I talked to him about how one goes about drawing the line as far as contact with exes go. Quite simple: if you are not comfortable with me coming across it or can't tell me that I am being unreasonable then you're drawing the line in the wrong place. I reckon he suspected that I had read something... Oh well... And without boring you all with the details, he HAS given me reason to not trust him so this is not all 'out of the blue' paranoia!!! He hasn't cheated (or not that I know of anyway) but there have been lies and he likes to have his ego stroked - not a good combination.
Phew - sorry, essay over :-)
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I have to share this: I can't bring myself to trust DP
StellaBrillante · 17/07/2014 14:20
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.