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Ex has just come over and had a huge go at me

(200 Posts)
ICanHearYou Wed 16-Jul-14 18:50:05

Basically because I have more money than he does, and I hear what he is saying, he has around £250 disposable income a month and he hates it.

The thing is, it is NOT my fault that he only has that, it really isn't, I try and be really cool about everything and end up paying out more than half of our shared bills but he still isn't happy.

All these veiled comments about what I 'get a week' and so on. Its really difficult.

He is in a shit place, I know it and I know that it is because we have separated (before I had to deal with the how to pay for everything with no fucking money)

I can't wait until we are properly separated and he feels able to stand on his own two feet. Its shit.

whitsernam Wed 16-Jul-14 18:52:31

I have a stock line when my ex starts in about something that is not my fault, I can't fix it, etc. etc.... I say "I'm the wrong person for you to be discussing this with." Would it help you to have an answer rehearsed?

ladyblablah Wed 16-Jul-14 18:53:03

He's an ex.
Not your problem he's skint.
Entirely his.

Unless you've wiped out his bank account and stolen his family jewels of course.

It's just noise. Take no notice.

LadySybilLikesCake Wed 16-Jul-14 18:54:04

Why are you responsible for his lack of income?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted Wed 16-Jul-14 18:57:57

If he doesn't have the amount of money to himself that he feels he "should" have then he needs to earn more.

You are not his mother.

He's an ex for a reason.

Stop putting yourself in a position where you have to hear his views about anything. Tell him that that you'll communicate with him via email only and nothing else.

ICanHearYou Wed 16-Jul-14 18:58:11

They are bills that we got together as part of a couple, I understand that and he has £240 a month from me towards them.

I also end up giving him more money in the month because he simply doesn't have enough to survive and I do understand that, I get that he has no other choice right now I just wish he wouldn't be such a fucking arse about it all.

I pay out so much towards debt we have racked up together but its like he is angry that I am not skint anymore. Thats how it feels.

It will be better in a year <keep repeating while rocking back and forth>

Blueuggboots Wed 16-Jul-14 19:03:37

Why are you supporting him??
He is an EX. Which means he's no longer your problem, FULL STOP!

tribpot Wed 16-Jul-14 19:05:33

I also end up giving him more money in the month because he simply doesn't have enough to survive

He never will as long as you keep bailing him out. And the cheeky bastard isn't even grateful for it!

LadySybilLikesCake Wed 16-Jul-14 19:07:05

He came over to get money from you. The quicker you get shot the better.

AnyFucker Wed 16-Jul-14 19:08:42

He's an ex you say ?

Then wny are you still so involved with him, and why are you listening like a Good Little Girl to his pointless ranting ?

Some boundaries for you, I think

NatashaBee Wed 16-Jul-14 19:17:06

Do you have children with him? I really can't understand why you are giving him money to live on (paying joint debts, fair enough). He needs to find a way to reduce his living costs down or earn more. He isn't your problem, and if you keep giving him money to get to the end of the month, you are only delaying his money problems, not solving them. He will need to address them eventually.

What type of debt is it? nothing that he can run up any more, I hope - is the account frozen if it's a bank account/credit card?

Anniegetyourgun Wed 16-Jul-14 19:21:07

... and if you do have children with him, who do they live with?

ICanHearYou Wed 16-Jul-14 19:24:38

They are bills we got together, he isn't getting more into debt. I do worry that he doesn't seem to realise that it is NORMAL to be in a position where you don't have much money when you are working your way up in your career, he has just clung to me for so long.

Anyway, he was a bit of an arse, actually began to tell me off for 'how I dared to speak to him' but I soon put him right. He needs to stop it because my patience with him is waining.

tribpot Wed 16-Jul-14 19:27:06

There's no need to tolerate this now. You don't have to wait for your patience to wane. Just tell him to do one.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 16-Jul-14 19:27:25

Ah... I hear the raucus cry of the cocklodger disturbed from its nest.

anyoldname76 Wed 16-Jul-14 19:30:24

Can you trust him to say the debts off? He might just be taking the money for them. I would set up a standing order as you have no proof if you're giving him cash

MaryWestmacott Wed 16-Jul-14 19:30:49

Give him what you owe, not another penny, his financial situation is not your problem, can you find a way to split the joint bills so you pay directly to who you owe rather than via him?

mineofuselessinformation Wed 16-Jul-14 19:32:23

Annie grin
STOP giving him any money that isn't towards your debts (and make sure what you do give him is traceable eg bank transfer in case of any problems.
Start practising now: 'That's not my problem'.
Avoid seeing him face to face for any reason.

JeanSeberg Wed 16-Jul-14 19:34:44

Why on earth are you paying the money to him instead of directly to the debt?

Optimist1 Wed 16-Jul-14 19:37:11

Sadly, I agree with PPs that in his current disgruntled state of mind he's quite likely to be accepting your contributions towards your joint debts but using it for other things. You need to document these payments very carefully, preferably by your payment direct to your creditors.

ICanHearYou Wed 16-Jul-14 19:40:00

The debts are in his name.

They come out of his account by DD every month, they are definitely being paid.

But we did get them together, I am aware of that and I am definitely committed to paying them off with him.

I also understand that his status as single bloke with low income has pushed him into near poverty whereas my status as part-time single mum has put me into a much better position and I am paying off many debts myself without his input.

He does look after the children so I can work, I wouldn't be able to do that if he didn't come and look after them so I do need to help him in this particularly crap time in his life.

I just hate the nasty crap, at least we've got it all out in the open today.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 16-Jul-14 19:43:19

Annie grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Wed 16-Jul-14 19:44:17

I don't understand how being a single bloke is a worse off situation than a single mum?

AnyFucker Wed 16-Jul-14 19:46:47

Annie grin

Yes, the lesser-spotted cocklodger. Often to be heard squawking about how unfair life is when their source of supply is cut off. Especially down the pub with other similar breeds of cockheads.

JeanSeberg Wed 16-Jul-14 19:46:48

£250 disposable income a month is hardly near poverty.

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