Hi All,
First of all.. my apologies for waffling on so much...
I live with my DP and her DS who is 8 years old and severely autistic. We have been together one year and I love both very much.
My DP also has two grown up DD's both of who, I getting know and think they are great.
I have my own DS also 8 years old from a previous relationship and he stays bi-weekly weekends. I love and adore him
My DP believes that I do not parent my own son very well and because of this she does not want to be around or near him. We have had many arguments and upsets over the same subject which are generally centred his behaviour and how I deal with it.
I do hold my hands up, I probably am the worlds worst, I have in the past, let things slide, not pulled him up on things or after telling him off, hugged him five minutes later instead of being stern and resolute.
I do take on board everything my DP says and I have been trying to work on my own parenting skills as well as adjusting his behaviour. It appears I have a long way to go....
We have just got through another weekend and apart from a couple of issues I thought all was ok. Unfortunately I have been told I am wrong and that the weekend was bad, she doesn't want to be around him and that now, because of his continued behaviour (plus my bad parenting).. we are now over.
This weekend we went to the her DS's school, it was the summer fair and pretty much a great day. My DP, her DS, my DS and one of her DD's came along. Everyone seemed really happy and had fun. We all commented and said it was a really lovely day...
However this morning it appears I am completely wrong.. and the following have caused great upset..
When we went to leave to go to the school my DS rushed and tried to sit in the front passenger seat. He jumped in sat down and when my DP walked over to get in, he smiled at her. I obviously told him to out and into the back, which he did, but my DP was very offended - She has only told me how offended she was this morning.
When we arrived at the school he took a good time to actually get out of the car - to be honest, he took about 3 minutes and was completely phaffing around. The others walked off.. and then stood waiting for him while I had to bark at him to hurry up. This again, as I found out this morning, caused my DP great upset...
Once inside everything was great all the kids had fun, the adults had fun and apart from one incident where I had to pull him up on, it felt like a good day. I was oblivious to the upset caused by the issues above..
I'm now sitting here slightly bewildered, I've been told his behaviour was bad, the two incidents mentioned were completely unacceptable and my DP can no longer be around him. This means he is no longer welcome at the home....
To be fair to my DP, he is spoilt and I have let other incidents slide and not picked up on them as much I should. I know there is a case of guilty dad syndrome inside of me (I left his mum..)..
I know he has been challenging to adults, doesn't listen, things have to be continually repeated, he has asked inappropriate questions i.e. to my DP -where do you get your money from... All these previous incidents and my lack of parenting have all snowballed to this point.
I am trying to work with my DS, I have setup a visual list of rules - do's and don't.. I am using a point system to help him see how good behaviour will earn him rewards and bad behaviour will not. I have been using this for the last few visits. I can see a slight improvement but still a way to go.
I don't want to loose my DP, I feel she is an amazing woman.. I love her completely.. but.. it appears her dislike of my son and the trauma caused by DS are to much for her..
Is there anything anyone can suggest? Advice...?
Harry's Dad...
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Just a bit of advice please...?
DadofHarry · 14/07/2014 10:30
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.