Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Finished with DP.

(46 Posts)
Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 08:44:52

Together a year tomorrow. Broke up by text.

People say actions speak louder than words dp.

You say you love me and want to marry me.

Your actions are spending stupid amounts of money on poker that could be put towards a wedding or our home together.

You don't contact me when it suits you and don't seem to care about mine or the children's feelings.

You say the kids and I are your world.

Yet your actions show we are actually very low in your list of priorities.

The phrase He's just not that into you, springs to mind.

I turn thirty in two months. I'm not where I want to be in my life and I don't appear to be in the relationship I want either. I want stability. Security. Not stupid manipulative breakups and questioning where I stand in someone's life. I want someone that is genuinely as crazy about me as I am him. I want a normal boring peaceful life.

So I am going to leave you to your poker and see if I might be able to find someone that does genuinely want me in their life and actually shows it in their actions.

Have a good day.

Hairylegs47 Fri 11-Jul-14 08:50:17

Here offering my hand if you need it.

Hairylegs47 Fri 11-Jul-14 08:50:41

You not your DO smile

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 08:55:03

Oh its been pathetic really hairy. I'm disappointed in myself for giving him so many chances. Honestly if I was any sort of real woman I would have binned him a long long time ago.

I feel very much at a cross roads in my life. Turning thirty appears to be a big deal for me. I have spent my twenties giving birth to four dc. Divorcing my ex husband and being in stupid relationships.

I want my thirties to be different. I finally know what I want to be and am going back to college. And I know what I want in a partner. I want a second chance to make more of my life and more for my children.

So I will be fine. Though I may hold your hand just for today.

LiberalLibertines Fri 11-Jul-14 08:58:21

Sorry, but I think the fact you broke up by text shows this is/was a pretty immature relationship in any case.

Good luck at moving on and finding happiness.

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:00:44

Unfortunately I don't have any other option than by text. He turns his phone off so I can't get hold of him. I am not immature. However our relationship definitely was.

LiberalLibertines Fri 11-Jul-14 09:06:12

It sounds really positive that you've decided to concentrate on you, your future and your kids for a while.

When you're truly happy with yourself, you'll meet exactly the right man.

(I have the right man, but am really not happy with myself lately, so not being smug and wise honest!)

Well done for ending it.
You are a 'real woman'!
You seem to have dealt with a lot in your short life so far and you've come through it now, knowing exactly what you want.
You are putting plans in place to get it back on track and sorted out.
That's great.
I'm still just cruising and I'm mid 40's!
No contact now - ignore ignore ignore!
Stay firm.

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:08:46

Oh I love hearing about people having found the right man liberal. Really I do. It gives me faith and everyone deserves someone smile

I've posted a lot before. I had a breakdown in the new year and I think that's played a massive part in getting me to face up to my life instead of drifting along. I rather go through a period of pain for a happier future.

Only1scoop Fri 11-Jul-14 09:09:08

Hasn't he just had a family bereavement....

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:11:20

Yes. His uncle died. That didn't stop him going off to a poker competition for the weekend to get away from everyone crying. We had also only just got back together just before his uncle died after he sent me a disgusting text when away on a night out for no other reason than because he didn't like the fact I had also gone out with my friend.

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:16:40

I think so as not to drip feed I will explain more why I am at this point with him

He has broken up with me a total of seven times. Mostly through jealousy. Once because someone was trying to dance with me. Once whilst he was on holiday because of a light hearted comment on a profile picture on fb. Once because he accused me of flirting with a guy I was sat next to at a poker comp. the others because of stupid little arguments. He then won't speak to me for days and I end up having to tell the children we are not together anymore only for him to change his mind as suits him.

Hairylegs47 Fri 11-Jul-14 09:17:28

Nothing wrong giving anyone a second chance, we all have need of them. But when it's the 5th and 6th 'chance' and nothing's changed, it's not good. Well done for changing things, it's scary but worth it. You know you are in control and whatever happens, it's YOU who controls it.

I gave both my XPs many 5th and 6th chances, decided I was worth more than last place - something was always more important than me - and never looked back. I've been married to my DH for 19 years now, it took me to change, to not take any more crap excuses to finally meet him, but it was so worth it! Even though I was a single mum if 4, I held out for Mr Right (I'm a slow learner) and didn't 'settle' for less than my dream.

You deserve your dream too.

Only1scoop Fri 11-Jul-14 09:19:57

Do you have children together?

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:23:01

I am ten years younger than him. I also do get a lot of unwanted attention from men. I am slim with dark hair and eyes and olive skin.

The key word there is unwanted. Throughout my life I have had a lot of trouble from men. Abuse as a child. Rape as an adult that I have never told a single person about. Friends partners hitting on me. I don't flirt and I do tell them where to go but my dp still gets upset. Most of the time I think he does what he does out of plain insecurity but I can never convince him that it's him I want. Or wanted as now is the case.

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:24:09

No children only. I have my four to my exhusband. He has three to his wife that he doesn't see.

AnyFucker Fri 11-Jul-14 09:24:41

It makes no difference if they have DC together or if this guy is Prince Harry. The bloke is a twat and op is well rid.

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:25:57

Thanks anyfucker. I will do the freedom program you recommended.

thisisnow Fri 11-Jul-14 09:26:00

Anyone that plays poker deserves to be dumped, this isn't Goodfella's this is real life smile

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:27:04

shock I play poker! But not often and tournaments where you buy in for ten pound and that's all you spend. My DP however will play cash games. He spent four hundred pounds in one night at the weekend.

thisisnow Fri 11-Jul-14 09:29:20

haha only kidding, just jealous as I don't know how to play!

Only1scoop Fri 11-Jul-14 09:29:22

Only reason I asked about dc was to look at legal slant and arm yourself with facts and figures.

It sounds like an immature relationship. Well rid.

Well done! I met DH when I was 30. My 30s are / were so much better than my 20s. Enjoy (and don't let him back)

ImperialBlether Fri 11-Jul-14 09:33:03

Why were you with a man who wouldn't see his own children? Why would you think he'd show your children any respect?

Celestria Fri 11-Jul-14 09:38:39

I listened to the sob story imperial. I have a very soft heart. Probably too soft. He told me he left when they were seven and six. That his wife was horrible to him whilst married. Doing things like slicing his shoes up so he couldn't go out and taking all his money for a lads holiday out of his wallet just before he went. That he tried to see the children but she took them away when he was due to visit. He gets very upset when talking about his children. She met a new man with lots of money that has put the children through private school and my dp maintains he never would have been able to do that and that he thinks they don't need him in their lives.

I felt sorry for him. But I do know now that it's another case of me trying to fix people and make them happy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now