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Pathetic crush and now I feel like a fool

(92 Posts)
oliveoliveolive Thu 10-Jul-14 23:37:02

I've name changed, not sure what I'm looking for here really but probably just sympathy.

I split up from my ex a few months ago with whom I have a dd - the split was amicable enough.

Post-split I made friends with a lovely guy who I'd previously known about from mutual friends but had never really spoken to him iyswim.

Anyways, we got talking and became fast friends within these few months so much so that we spoke every day and met up frequently on a strictly platonic basis (though I always thought I sensed something more than platonic). There was a bit of flirting but nothing was ever really said apart from how we cared about one another a lot etc and just laughing at how important we are to each other and how it's amazing we hadn't met sooner. He really does seem in awe of our friendship as am I - I won't go into detail but we have in common a few personal matters which until now neither of us had found in other people. We have the same sense of humour and just get on.

So recently I've accepted that I'm ready for a new relationship (to be fair I have been for a few weeks if not longer) and that my feelings for this man go beyond just platonic - he's suffered some personal tragedies this month and it's all been a bit draining for him, I've been there to support him through this and grown even closer to him. He really is a lovely guy and we really do 'click' together well, even mutual friends have said there is an obvious spark.

But then today he asked for my input on how to proceed with things in relation to a colleague he rather fancies - apparently I'm his only female friend and just 'knew' I would have good advice.

I have been friendzoned and it is shit.

I feel pathetic and mortified at the thought of actually having told him my feelings and then finding out he fancies someone else.

Going nc or anything with him is out of the question because he really is a great guy and a wonderful friend but I'm not sure how I feel about seeing him dating someone else if things with his colleague or someone else work out. I feel quite devastated to be honest and not just because he likes someone else but because this 'spark' or chemistry we had is one I've never really felt before. We both recognised that we get along so well etc so I'm quite stumped as to why he never saw a romantic potential in what we currently have. If a man and a woman find a connection between themselves that is clearly strong then why did a romantic prospect only enter my mind, why not his?

arsenaltilidie Sat 12-Jul-14 18:50:31

Oh go but please don't fall into a FWB situation.

AppleSnapple Sat 12-Jul-14 20:15:09

And you must must must come back and tell us how it goes (living vicariously through you!!)
Good luck, go for it, you really have nothing to lose- I think arsenaltilidie's way of doing things sounds pretty clever!

upupupandaway Sat 12-Jul-14 22:54:21

From my limited experience, when you have very strong chemistry, it kind of repels us because of it's sheer intensity. I think it must be acted upon, there is a chance his feelings are not reciprocal, a very small chance I think, but what is the worst case scenario? He'll tell you he likes you as a friend? Isn't that better than wondering if you could ever have a future together, if only one of you had the balls to make the first move ?
Be shameless, if it all goes tits up so what?
( it wont he's gagging for you my dear)

Pancakeflipper Sat 12-Jul-14 23:02:33

Oooh go. <marking spot>

WhatTheFork Sat 12-Jul-14 23:59:45

I bet he fancies you like mad but thinks he's punching above his weight.

Speaking from experience.

Yes, Yes, Go visit, get it under way, I can't stand the " will he,won't he".
Best wishes to both of you.wink

oliveoliveolive Mon 14-Jul-14 23:35:28

Hi all, thanks for the responses!

I unfortunately cannot visit him this weekend as my dd's father is also away at work and I need him to have her over the weekend! I will be going the weekend after though but I think this fortnight or so will give me some time to mull things over. As much as I am excited I think the past few days have given me an opportunity to look at the situation more calmly. I think we do have a spark, I definitely fancy him and I think he likes me too, but I'm not certain about that.

I will update on any progress and the weekend trip when it happens!

upupupandaway Tue 15-Jul-14 00:07:29

Good luck, but do take things slowly. At face value it looks great but be cautious.

PlantsAndFlowers Tue 15-Jul-14 00:12:33

Can't wait!!! grin

SnotandBothered Tue 22-Jul-14 14:51:52

drums fingers

ToffeeWhirl Tue 22-Jul-14 20:04:54

Ahem. Some of us are long-timed married and have to live romances vicariously, you know...

LizzieBelle Tue 22-Jul-14 20:49:35

W/E away sounds very promising! In my world, men would not ask this without expecting something to happen...make sure your legs are waxed!

oliveoliveolive Wed 23-Jul-14 01:06:29

Hi everyone, apologies for the late response!

Unfortunately I still haven't been able to go! We've been talking for hours on the phone every night though to compensate for not seeing each other - nothing romantic mind, just the usual joking around and mild flirting with the issue of 'us' just looming.

BUT I am seeing him next weekend, FINALLY, arrangements have been made for that and I promise a timely update! I have no idea how to broach the subject but after months of this THING I need to know where I stand!

AGnu Wed 23-Jul-14 01:47:06

Oh come on! Just pack a bag, phone in sick & go! grin Turn up looking fabulous. Mention that you're fed up of being single & need his opinion about what men look for, y'know, because you'd love to get a bf who's as wonderful as him... Say that while staring into his eyes & playing footsie. If all else fails, get drunk & either kiss him or confess all & deal with the consequences in the morning!

Agnu best advice on MN in a long time!

oliveoliveolive Wed 23-Jul-14 22:50:50

I can't just up and leave because of dd unfortunately, this isn't my native country and all my family are abroad so I have to arrange everything around her dad's schedule which is packed because of the nature of his work! It's frustrating but next week is settled, arranged and fixed so fingers crossed!

AGnu I don't have the balls for that! Maybe after a few drinks I'll stop being a wuss (or maybe he'll stop being a wuss)!

Muddlewitch Fri 01-Aug-14 21:33:56

Any update OP? nosey

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