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How would you react??

(57 Posts)
MummyC12 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:09:40

Don't even know where to start!
From the beginning is probably best. My husband and I have 2 little girls, our eldest is 2 and youngest is 6 months.
My Husband (We'll call him Jake) started a new job In March and has a female colleague who started at the same time (Lets call her Jean) anyway I could see she was confident, bubbly, Lively (everything I'm not!). Shes also recently divorced with 2 children. Anyway he started talking about her abit and I voiced my concerns to friends that with having problems in our marriage atm that I can see something going wrong here! They all thought I was being paranoid etc so I took their advice and shrugged it off.
Jean seems to be centre of the male attention in the work place, she has one colleague who is engaged trying it on constantly and making flirty jokes (lets call him Jim) and another colleague whom she went off with on a night out and neither turned up for work the next day.
Anyway I found some texts on my Husbands phone from his work colleague (Johnny) that read something along the lines off....
Johnny: Alright mate, In home and Ed sheeran came on. Think of ya.
Jake: Sorry just got your text. hope your looking after my milf lmfao smile
Johnny: Haha. Jims all over her, really cringey to watch and shes pissed so shes just letting it happen.
Now on top of this I know 100% he's text her in the last couple days to ask for the managers number BUT theres no trace of any text on his phone so he must of deleted all messages from her...
I'm absolutely gutted and not reacted yet and found out yesterday afternoon. I dont know how I feel about this (I trust 100% that he hasnt cheated but is that more down to her enjoying the attention from everyone so making no comitment or is it because its genuinely harmless)
:'( :'( :'(

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:12:55

I would sack him off just for talking about women like that

"milf" ?

is he 13 yo ?

JaneFonda Thu 10-Jul-14 21:14:50

I don't really understand the issue here... perhaps I've misread.

From what the texts say, I really think you have nothing to worry about - it sounds like she is perhaps being laughed at by them. Maybe they pity her if they think she's desperate or something, but I honestly can't see anything that your DH has done wrong.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:15:54

Jane, is this how the men in your life talk about women ?

gamerchick Thu 10-Jul-14 21:22:44

So they're taking the piss put of her basically?

mammadiggingdeep Thu 10-Jul-14 21:27:09

They're not only taking the piss out if her but your husband refers to her as 'my milf'. Disrespectful to you and her actually.

All 3 men need to grow up and learn some respect.

You need to decide if you're willing to be in a relationship with a husband who fancies other women at work. That's the bottom line of it. If you were raise it with him he's likely to tell you you're making too much of it but it would upset me.

I think it would be a good idea for you to share your concerns with your DH, rather than with friends and on MN. In my experience, shortly after the birth of DC2 is a difficult time for some DHs, especially when DCs are close together in age.

ImperialBlether Thu 10-Jul-14 21:27:40

So basically Jim was touching this woman sexually when she was too drunk to do anything about it and the two other guys, your bloke included, are laughing about it?

MummyC12 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:27:51

If he was just pitying her or taking the piss then surely he wouldn't of deleted any texts to/from her?
I think the 'lmfao smile' after the 'my milf' was more of a 'I shouldnt be refering to her as mine or in a sexual way so i'll add that on the soften it'
....

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:30:43

because men "have a difficult time after the birth of the second child" they turn into misogynist pricks, do they ?

that's a new one on me

OP, if my H called another woman "my milf" and slut shamed her with other men he would be getting divorce papers and I would be suing the surgeon that performed the lobotomy

GetYourFingersOutOfThere Thu 10-Jul-14 21:32:09

He has said she is his "mother I'd like to Fuck"

It's disrespectful and immature

kaykayblue Thu 10-Jul-14 21:34:47

He sounds like a sad teenager.

It sounds like the view your husband and the other men have of her is that she is the office bike and an easy target. That's pretty fucking disrespectful. They're talking about her like she's a toy to be passed around.

Why are you going through your husband's texts anyway? Have you actually spoken to him about this at all? I think if you were to mention this specifically then he would overreact, but you might want to consider a timely reminder that he is a taken man and overtly flirting with women he works with would be considered hugely disrespectful in your view. Give a raised eyebrow and leave it at that. Don't get into specifics.

He will be racking his brains of "how does she know that I have been flirting with Denice" (or whatever the fuck she's called).

MummyC12 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:41:52

Actually NO I think some of you are reading this completely wrong my partner wasnt there nor was he laughing about it!
MILF to me is just a a word exactly as if he were to say she's fit, sexy what ever other words '
Please don't jump to the wrong conclusions this woman is not a victim and you only got minimal text, I suppose I didnt expect you look so much into it and I only have the memory of a goldfish so could only give the jist of the texts.

Vivacia Thu 10-Jul-14 21:42:24

Does he normally talk about women in this way??

BuildYourOwnSnowman Thu 10-Jul-14 21:43:05

Hang on, 'she's pissed so letting it happen'? That sounds totally wrong and like these three men have started to exploit her vulnerability (recently divorced, trying to settle into new job)

Your dh needs to wake up. This behaviour could escalate and he could find himself at the centre of a disciplinary.

I wouldn't be worried about an affair but about his attitude towards women and the unhealthy relationship he has with his male colleagues

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:43:31

"MILF" is "not just a word" unless you are a misogynist prick or a handmaiden to misogynist pricks

Vivacia Thu 10-Jul-14 21:44:12

One man is sexually assaulting her and two others are joking about it, and she's not a victim??

MummyC12 Thu 10-Jul-14 21:46:37

I was on his phone purely looking to see if he had text his mum back and something caught my eye and thought I'd have a nosey, It was completely innocent and I have always trusted him 100% and had no reason not to.
Sending flirty texts to a guy thats engaged, going off drunk with another colleague and both not turning up the next morning and another big possibility that shes flirting with a married colleague too I think she's painted the picture herself not victim to men being disrespectful.

I'm finding the fact he can refer to another woman as his so difficult to process right now and was hoping for some friendly ears but it seems assumptions have just made me feel even more crappy.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:49:41

You are defending his use of the word MILF, OP. That is never going to go down well on here.

Your objection to "my MILF" is only about the "my" reference ?

scottishmummy Thu 10-Jul-14 21:49:49

Disgusting.exchanging texts about an intoxicated woman being taken advantage off
They're All disgusting men.the language,the behaviour.disgusting
If she's not consented its assault

RiverTam Thu 10-Jul-14 21:50:02

MILF is a really grim term. Referring to any woman like that is horrible. But the fact that your H is referring to another woman as 'his MILF' is a big red flag to me.

RiverTam Thu 10-Jul-14 21:51:59

also, this woman is recently divorced, she could be very vulnerable and they are basically mocking her? Doubly grim. I would be dead unimpressed by that alone.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jul-14 21:52:04

You are also slut shaming this woman in the same manner as your husband and his dickhead friends.

I presume that as long your prick of a husband is still "yours" that makes every instance of the disrespect of women he comes out with is A-ok by you ?

scottishmummy Thu 10-Jul-14 21:54:22

Two seperate issues.1.op misgivings about her husband,worries he us inappropriate
2.her husband et al disgusting language and text regards thus colleague

letsgetreadytoramble Thu 10-Jul-14 21:57:04

I would speak to him about it - it could well just be male banter and although it's hurtful it may not actually mean anything to him. He might just be playing along with the others because that's the kind of atmosphere they have in their office. Or he's got a bit carried away and needs a reminder that he needs to respect you (and other women.) You probably know him well enough to judge by his reaction if there's something more to it when you confront him? It's a horrible feeling, but chatting to him would be the best thing. Hope you're ok thanks

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