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A ladies point of view please im sorry its so long

(187 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

bigbear38 Wed 09-Jul-14 16:54:32

I have been with my partner for 8 years now. We have 1 son. She moved in with me pretty much straight away. I have always been very sucessful and ran my own business own my own house and have a savi business head. She has never really had any great jobs that really brought in much money. When my son was born she wanted to go back to work part time and put my son in nursery but with the nursery fees she would be hardly earing much more money so i told her she should stay at home and help me with my bills and paperwork and i would giveher some money to help her pay for the bills but she wanted to go back as she wanted her own freedom and her own money so she went back to work. We agreed that when she isnt at work she would spent the other days dedicated to doing my company work but everytime i got home hardly anything had been done. She would make an excuse up saying that she had to clean the house or take car of the baby Or that i hadnt given her a list of what to do but anyone with half a brain would know to look on the computer and go through the accounts, do a bit of research but with her always a reason why not to do something.It would really annoy me because i would fall behind with sending out my bills and so therefore in turn i wouldnt get paid. She cant understand that its important to get this stuff done because its our family business, although she does pay all the utility bills, i still pay for the mortgage, repairs on the house and any little treats at the weekend plus buying the nice things for the house. She gets really angry when i call her up on it and says i shouldnt be pressurising her and making her feel inadiquate when i dont share my chores with the baby but at the end of the day i am working a manual job and running around all day (mostly after everyone else) she is just sat at a desk all day when shes at work. She also really annoys me because her idea of cleaning up is throwing everything into a cupboard instead of clenaing it properly. I told her the other day that she should do one of her super cleans in the kitchen bcasue it gets grubby from the toddler but she just find any excuse not to do it. Some days i get up to go to work only to find there are no clean work clothes what does she do all day?????? We had a huge row last week because i got home from a really busy day and she had made me soup i was so pissed off!! Had i have known she had made me soup i had got myself some lunch. I was starving and had to then go out to a shop and buy junk food. Another thing that really gets my goat about this person is she just isnt like a real women she isnt bothered about nice soft furnishings for the house like pictures and nice cushions etc if i call her upon it she says she cant afford it after paying the bills and the 2 sofas that she pays for but yet she can go out and buy coffee with friends. Other women make such an effort with their house and make sure that it well presented but its like shes just not bothered she would rather bury her head in the sand like a moron. I feel like she isnt being a partner towards me and that she is just taking and not putting in. I feel that she is not making any contribution or effort towards our home. I looked after my son the other afternoon for a couple of hours but was pissed off to find there was not any baby food for him. She said it was because he no longer has jars and she cooks him pasta or fresh food but to be honest i just thought it was an excuse because of her laziness. In the morning when she gets up and gets him ready for nursery she gets him ready on the bed where im sleeping its so annoying and disrespectful. I think she would rather lay in bed all day festering than do anything productive. She says im abusive towards her but im just telling her for her own good because she comes from a diferent back ground than me. She has come from a background where having a nice house and nice things isnt important hence the reasons of why i think she is lazy when it comes to the upkeep of the house.Can anybody offer me any advice as to what to do with this person or any similar experiences? i feel that i am gouing round in circles with her. She is ruining our family. Do i just cut my losses and find someone who can step up and be a women and appreciate the things she has????? Thank you in advance

Fmlgirl Thu 10-Jul-14 22:06:14

You sound like a horrible man. I'd rather be single than with someone like you.

Staywithme Thu 10-Jul-14 18:24:50

Thank you for your responses. Still getting a hang of the acronyms.

Lweji Thu 10-Jul-14 17:19:18

ups, just checked better.
Replace Husband with Partner.

Bifauxnen Thu 10-Jul-14 17:19:04

staywithme - Not So Dear Husband

Lweji Thu 10-Jul-14 17:18:29

NSDP, you mean?
I think not so dear partner.

Staywithme Thu 10-Jul-14 17:03:04

What does nsdh mean? Bty he does sound like a prick if he thinks the same way. LTB and start to live.

Bifauxnen Thu 10-Jul-14 14:33:57

sad then your NSDP is a prick, notsofunny. (apt name) ltb

NotSoFunny Thu 10-Jul-14 14:25:00

This OP made me really sad. Until the baby jars, it could have been my NSDH writing. It's exactly what he thinks about our life and he's not joking sad

scarletoconnor Thu 10-Jul-14 13:36:21

Hahaha oh that cheered me up reading your post op well done...

As for your wife she sounds like a right bitch wanting to go back to work to earn her own cash..obviously one of those feminist types! Cooking baby food from scratch rather than using jars lazy fucker, everyone knows cooking from scratch is easier than opening a jar. Maybe if she opened more jars the regular working of her bicep muscles would make it easier for her to hoover up and load the dishwasher.

Fucking soup, for lunch well thats just a big bowl of wrong. Not doing your accounts I assume for free, any woman should be honoured to do that. As for the cushions she obviously has no self respect.

She obviously only moved in with you so quickly to leach off you, thats why she fought you to go back to work and earn her own money

I feel so sorry for you op biscuit

<hopes as op is so intelligent and savvy he knows this is what Sarcasm looks like>

differentnameforthis Thu 10-Jul-14 12:59:51

Some days i get up to go to work only to find there are no clean work clothes what does she do all day?

My dh also does his own washing, if I haven't got there first..

If she changed your baby on your bed, for nursery, it must have been what? 8am? Ish. Nursery starts at 9? So your work days aren't THAT long then, are they?

LurcioAgain but he says "sorry its so long". Shurely the same poster?

LurcioAgain Thu 10-Jul-14 12:49:28

No where near as much fun as the massive member thread... But then that could be because (allegedly and giving OP benefit of doubt and leaving aside concerns over MNHQ's batteries) it's REAL!!!

Anyway, fwiw OP, LTB (her, not you).

bitconfuzzled Thu 10-Jul-14 12:47:42

I think I've dated BigBear shock

The "festering in her pit" particularly reminds me of one amazing ex-boyfriend!

I'm more sad that he obviously thinks he's right and justified in his actions and opinions. Let's hope she gets a MN card slipped into her handbag on the tube...

Just so that I've said it - OP, you're wrong. Your partner is a person and deserves to be treated like a human being rather than your PA. Also, don't mix business and pleasure, if you need a secretary, hire one - let your partner get a real job and get out of the house.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Thu 10-Jul-14 12:32:31

ODFOD.

And for the sake of your poor wife, please set her free. She must be miserable to live with such a massive wanker.

Mind how you go now, Lois, momb, scouse . . . there's been a whole lot of deletin' going on wink

oldgrandmama Thu 10-Jul-14 12:27:25

I've just had a look at my cushions (17 in all). I gave one or two a bash with closed fist to 'plump them up'. Several moths flew up ... Ah. That explains while I am alone and manless. [Does a little arthritic dance of happiness and relief]. As for springydaffs, I had an ex like that - and he's dead too (bloody hell, that sticking pins in a little effigy things really works ...grin)

differentnameforthis Thu 10-Jul-14 12:26:03

when i dont share my chores with the baby but at the end of the day i am working a manual job and running around all day (mostly after everyone else) she is just sat at a desk all day when shes at work.

My dh works a manual job, he comes home after a 12hr day (with travelling) and does some house work, looks after the girls etc. Today he did the bills, cooked dinner for the girls & kept them amused while I slept off a killer of a headache. I am a SAHM, dh & I share the workload, because we both created the dc & we both want to live in this home.

Well I both crackled and cackled at Springy
<hello darling, its been a while> x

sassy34264 Thu 10-Jul-14 11:34:45

crackled ?!

Cackled

sassy34264 Thu 10-Jul-14 11:33:25

Totally wrong that I crackled at springydaffs grin

I'm with the op here.

I have no, non, nada interest in soft furnishings. I have no cushions (bar the ones that came with the couch) I have no ornaments. I have 2 pictures up, but only because the nails were in when I moved in and 2 people bought me the pictures.

I've often mused that as a woman there is something seriously wrong with me. hmmmmm <strokes chin>

grin

APlaceOnTheCouch Thu 10-Jul-14 10:52:32

Oh dear.

springydaffs Thu 10-Jul-14 10:50:53

You're not my ex-husband come back from the dead are you?

It was a shame when he died.

ScouseBird8364 Thu 10-Jul-14 10:49:00

Oh I really want bigbear to come back, ha ha!! Gotta be a wind up, no? shock

momb Thu 10-Jul-14 09:54:19

Natbear 48: I think you may have changed my life for the better and made me a better woman/partner/person. Thank you for your posts. Enjoy your study leave.

LoisPuddingLane Thu 10-Jul-14 09:31:53

While this is clearly (although not that clear - paragraphs! My eyes!) a wind-up, it does reflect a rather worrying attitude. Even if written in fun, there is a real cuntish entitlement and dislike of women behind this post.

Wind-up merchant or not, I pity any woman you end up with, OP. Oh, and straighten the cushions on the way out, there's a good chap.

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